Addiction

Old Man Charlie

Folder: 
Experience

Old man Charlie weeps

Drowns in sorrow he keeps

As old as hops brewed ale

Charlie of old gale

 

Old man Charlie seeks

Stability in seat

As old as hound who sleeps

Charlie of loose teeth

 

Old man Charlie finds

In due time, a divine

As old as church bell rings

Charlie of deep sleep

Author's Notes/Comments: 

please comment and give insights! thank you

Addiction

Addiction

The need for my brain to be tricked. 
The desire to fulfill an emotion. 
It is always the same. 
I always revert back.
Joy
Anger
Frustration
Puzzling
Boredom
They all mean the same thing to me.
It numbs the brain and changes the emotion
I feel guilt after. 
All emotions lead to guilt. 
I know how to move on after guilt.
I cope with guilt. 
Other emotions are Unknown for me. 
I accept failure
I thrive in failure
I am my best in failure. 
I tell my self what can I do without the addiction
Could I be better?
Could I do more? 
What if I am better with my addiction? 
I drives me to do better. 
15 years of mind tricks. 
15 years of fighting, winning and losing.
I am still me, but with a crutch.
Will the crutch ever go away. 
Can I fight and win? 
I  hate it with guilt 
I love it with all other emotions. 
I have created a bad world for me. 
This was written in guilt... 
1 hour, 5 hours, 2 days , 7 days,  1 month, 2years.
I will forget and addict. 
My brain is processed. 
Anger
Joy
Frustration
Boredom
Puzzling
More and more.... 
 
 
 
 
 
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"Oh, Sweet Thelema"

 

What hath ol' soft darkness brought?

Shameful lust molesting thought,

Immediate self medicate release,

Gently strangles my spirit ceased,

 

As I drift I gaze below,

Comfortly raping my soul he holds,

When the hands rotate no more,

Orgasmic twilight, pain adorn....

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Relapse

There's is an emptiness unfulfilled, a

vicious circle of malignant desire

becoming, consuming.

Beyond purple haze, or blue mist...an

Arctic freeze, stone cold ice.

Revolutionize my train of thought, I'm

tired of the poison, I'm tired of being

tired, weary, restless...

I want to rest in peace and dream

again. Death sounds like a coward's

exit from reality.

I will face reality and slap her, before

she slaps me again.

I will enter ceremonial withdraws from

spiritual imprisonment of my own flesh;

love has everything to do with this, a

love that kills, an addiction with thrills...

but I have two cups to fill, the first has

overfill, the second half empty; 24oz

don't quench the thirst anymore.

Shaking, tremors, cold sweat; mental

detox, body cleanse.

The rhythm of my heart is scratching,

skipping notes, beating slow.

I'm reaching out, yet Yeezuz thinks I'm

a fool.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

beating an addiction!

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I love you

I can't help but to love you

Even with how the circumstances stand

I've decided I'll never leave you

Together we'll be hand in hand

I can't help but to have these feelings

That are oh so passionately true

Because the more we make love

The more I'm so into you

Not only do I want you as my husband

I'm praying you'll remain my best friend

Because when I first met you

You automatically made my heart mend

You gave me this comfort I never felt before

This comfort that I soon came to adore

You're like this addiction that I've become prone to

Nothing or no one compares to you

So remember this next time we're apart

I loved you and only you right from the very start

But I declined.

Folder: 
Impy poems

Temptation outside my door

puffing clouds grey

beckoning me 

to breathe

smog

 

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Girl after a girl: Events unforgettable

 

 

Part I

 

1) With a ‘to’ and a ‘fro’ in her throat,

something she did note,

as on a piece of paper, she wrote

"I can't like you, for you don't know -

I got to go away - to which I can't say No."

Well, every girl is so so pretty.

 

2) With her legs beside me, so stiff

and -to save me- her hands with great mischief,

she conveys to the punishment chief -

"Oh Ma'am? How can he be guilty?

As this is his first moment to my proximity!"

Well, every girl is so so pretty.

 

3) With all her teeth and gums out

and her tiny eyes so stout,

she beckons me with a shout -

"Go! I won't talk anymore to you.

How much I am hurt, you never knew."

Well, every girl is so so pretty.

 

4) With real tears in her eyes

and five of her fingers glued to rice,

maybe yes, twice - she cries -

"How would you know how much I moan!

For, never you, I am disturbed alone."

Well, every girl is so so pretty.

 

5) With a big grin at my face,

but with a big cry, the very next phase,

at my back this time, she says -

"He wouldn't have really scolded me,

If, even little, he had ever read me."

Well, every girl is so so pretty.

 

6) With a rise in all her gaze over the book,

when asked for her verses, she gave me an eerie look.

Soon, she wrote for me; Almost a month it took! -

"Though difficult, try to remember me

for, perhaps many for you, though you're alone for me."

Well, every girl is so so pretty.

 

From a girl, only another girl keeps one away,

but not from past nor future, for there're many more girls, I say.

An event with a girl can give a great kick start

that can lead anyone, till many suns set.

Memories of brain written from heart -

a few of many incidents I could not forget!

 


Part II

 

7) With drops falling down as she bends

her neck, in some reunion -she attends

after a year- she tells our friends -

Long back, He stopped talking to me.

Neither a hello nor a glance – as if I’m his enemy.

Well, every girl is so so pretty.

 

8) With a smile -she leaves the lab- too fake one

and with swollen eyes -returns in- pointing none.

Then, a message leaves her, following the sun -

A friend can be anything, but not a sister!

So, please don’t ever call me so, you mister!

Well, every girl is so so pretty.

 

9) With good red expressions – contorted,

while issues were being sorted

out about my interest in her, her words parted –

Oh, now please stop it! I want no fight.

I understand it and it’s completely alright!

Well, every girl is so so pretty.

 

10) With her ideas so optimistic,

though actions far realistic,

she typed something very mystic -

Had you worked, excellence of now would have been average

Anyways, any failure to be understood needs courage.

Well, every girl is so so pretty.

 

11) With her face full of joy and hope

and beliefs no less than some pope,

she always replies, to my theory of mortality, with nope -

The word End, with someone can also be Never,

for the person may know words like Forever.

Well, every girl is so so pretty.

 

12) With a look so cheerless, that can shrink

one’s heart -though sometimes so cheerful that can kink

it’s beat- she said or typed - I think -

Really miss you as I sometimes also saw my ex in you.

You played big part in my life, though days were very few.

Well, every girl is so so pretty.

 

Lies apart, any girl can make your day,

no matter whether you are a guy, girl or a gay

This is a small tribute to a small part

of all the girls I met.

Memories of brain written from heart -

a few of the incidents I could never forget!

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A saga written as a ode about incidents revolving in mind, involving a few of the girls I met. Their sounds still ring in my head!

IT AIN'T WHAT U THINK IT IS

IT AIN'T WHAT U THINK IT  IS

 

Whys everybody on my shit

 Whys everyone at me for my tips,

 I've put in my own work

 I've paid my own dues,

 Why's my boy

 Wanna bomb on me to,

 Theres a time to step off

 Step the fuck away,

 Back the fuck up

 Before a catastrophy gets made,

 A lil misunderstandin

 Can turn into alot,

 Espicially when u gotta shit

 And cant find the pot,

 What's really goin on

 Are yall fuckin blind,

 Thinkin Im doin  good

 Yall dun lost yalls damn mind,

 Open your eyes

 And see whats really there,

 Walk behind the scenes

 And you'll find this dream is a nightmare,

 It sucks to be the man

 When thats what ur pertrayed,

 Ain't nothin but stress, stress, stress

 Every motherfuckin day,

 I'd take it back

 The whole fuckin thing,

 Cause were I'm standin

 There aint no bling,

 Just anger and irritation

 Over somethin thats out my hands,

 Yea it sux for the most part

 When your the man,

 It gets old as hell

 Being tugged at from all angles,

 Hell the angles turn to tangles

 And the tangles get tangled,

 Wadded up and wrapped up

 Smacked and jaw-jacked,

 Not for what it had

 But for what it lacked,

 This might just be

 The final run of my time,

It's clear to me

 This must be the sign,

 Its long over due

 Im ready to stand down,

 And let someone else get screwed down,

 Haha have at it

 It's damn sure all you,

 What u waitin on

 There's just so much free shit to do,

 But dont call me cause

 It aint what u thought it'd be,

 You'll find out for yourself

 Just wait and you'll see!

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DEEP INTO MY BRAIN

 

Deep in the night

 And far into my brain,

 Pass the parts

 Clouded with drugs and shame,

 Pass the parts littered

 With memories and pain,

 Back when things were normal

 And before the insanity came,

 The years they come

 And the years they pass,

 All yall

 Can still kiss my ass,

 Out with the old

 And in with the new,

 Its way to late to change shoes,

 I cant take it back

 It'll never be the way it used to be,

 I wish everyone would

 Back up off me,

 And let me breath,

 Give me alil space thats free!

 
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