Begging my forgiveness.

Why do you keep calling me

And why do you keep writing me

And why do you keep telling me

You’re still in love with me?


You never loved me when I was there.

You only ever used me.

I’ve already faced the facts

You could only ever bruise me


But you’re still begging my forgiveness

What are you begging for?!?!

I forgave you long ago

I can’t give you anymore.


what do you even want to know,

Why it is that I turned so cold?

Why I took back my heart

Why I took back my soul?


I belong to me now,  you will never know.

And these are the places you can no longer go.

Still trying to victimize me over the phone

I won’t give you what you want

 I won’t tell you you’re a joke.

Six Feet of Silence

I buried my love in disbelief.

Self-Deluding with calm conviction,

Calling all cruel jests and falsehoods.

A shattered voice cracked my sanity in half.


I buried my love in fire.

His bones reduced to ash, carefully capped,

Handed to his mother in black.

She held the world in her arms then.


I buried my love in the earth.

Scattered to the seven winds among

Dappled green forest grass teeming with life.

Now, filled with death.


I buried my love in the ocean.

A river poured from my soul, out my door,

Salty, hot, and unceasing.

It mingled with the sea.


I buried my love in silence.

I made not a sound save the soft

Scuff of my boots in passing.

My heart froze in the bitter chill.


I buried my love in my mind.

Handling treasured memories with care,

Binding them tightly to my frozen heart.

I promised I would never forget him.


He smiled.


Fires rage.

Winds blow. 

Trees grow. 

Oceans roar. 

Hearts sing 

and all is forgiven





   Daddy incest, spider legs on my belly button!


Give me the seed of life, the one who create me!


Mother lips on my innocence flesh,


Well done, you create the beast,


The one who shall kill you!




I painted my lips with blood,


Smiling on the shatter mirror,


This glass of memories, remember!


Cunt playing with you my memories!




So tell me if you see her?


Tell me if you see him?


Love me or vomit me!


My body is a doll,


Let play!




Ask my number,


Ask my address,


Just don’t ask my name,


I am the ether,


The purity of whore!




One more barbiturate!


Is a dangerous game?


so why keeping at it?

scream banshes at me!


cela fait 28 ans que je ne peux pas dormir sans mes Dolls!!!



Author's Notes/Comments: 

cela fait 28 ans que je ne peux pas dormir sans mes Dolls!!!

what more can i say?

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I love* you


Why did you forgive* me?


I thought* it was wrong.

I knew

But I'm glad you're still here*


Author's Notes/Comments: 

Sometimes people want it to end. But still wonder why. Other times people don't know why they're forgiven. But are happy they are.

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Don't Tell Me

Here I am. I'm walking down this road again.

The same one I've traveled many times before.

I'm just a man, but you know where I've been

because you're there, pounding on my door...yeah.


I'm going away in my mind. I can't take this world anymore!

I've gone astray once again with you right there at the door!

But don' me!


Don't tell me that you love me once again!

I don't want to hear what a sinner I've been!

Don't tell me that you're here to take me back!

I'm not ready to admit just what I lack!

I hate the man that I have become!

Don't tell me that you are not the Son!


Here we are father, fighting once again!

Doing the things that drive us mad!

I'm not perfect, but you're not free of sin!

I tried, but you never let me in!


I'm gone away, no forgiveness in me...

but this is not me...

So don' me!


Don't tell me that you love me once again!

I'm tired of hearing what a failure I have been!

Don't tell me that I'm a worthless man

when you're the one who doesn't have a plan!

I hate the man that I have become!

Don't tell me that I'm not your son!


Can I ever forgive you for the way you've made me feel? (I don't know)

Will you ever look at me, and try to find out who I am? (Let it go)


I can never be what you want of me! I can never be so blind that I can see!

What is this feeling inside of me?! You're right here, so don't you ever tell me!


Don't tell me that you love me once again!

I have to hear what a sinner I have been!

Please tell me that you're here to take me back!

I'm broken now, and we both know that's a fact!

I hate the man that I have become!

Please forgive me because I know you are the Son!


Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just me letting out a lot of anger and frustration. It's pretty easy to lose faith when you're in the middle of a big battle, and someone just keeps trying to knock you down.





Yes, that's me.


I know.You thought you got it all.

Sucked up into the vacuum

And emptied into the trash

3 months ago with the other pieces of me

You threw onto the kitchen floor,


The picture perfect memories 

Of how you thought things were,




And so I figured I'd just hang out quietly,

And wait for the opportune time

To slide under your skin,

And remind you what color you bleed,

Just because I can.


The piece that was forgotten,

Left behind after weeks and months

Of your painstaking efforts to forget,

Only to show you how I never left,


The indelible ink 

Scripted in your best penmanship,

On the finest silken threads

That grew into all the things 

You can never leave behind.


I'm yours.

You're mine.


Our mind.


It's like the hugest splinter

We can never leave behind.


I'll be home at six. 

Dinner is in the oven.

You never know,

Tonight could be the night

We left behind.









Forgive You


(long guitar intro)


So here I am again

dwelling on a past that hasn't happened yet

a pain that I both know and can't remember

a story that hasn't yet been said.


I lie to myself

on a daily basis because I can't do that which i should

because I can't believe this world is good

because I can't do what I've been commanded by the blood...


(wait a couple of beats, then go heavy)


I can't forgive you!

Because there is nothing left in me to give.

I can't believe in you!

It's finally time I start telling myself the truth once again!

I have no faith left in everything you are.

You caused me too many scars!

I'm sorry...but I can't forgive you.


Well here we are now

a crossroads in the middle of nowhere

a fork in the road that I can't begin to repair

a path in my way Lord I just wish I was somewhere...



begin to start finding my way back

when I have been lost for so long?


You shine...your...light

Down the narrow path for me

moving the ground for my feet.


I stumble and fall

but you pick me back up again

even when I'm full of sin


...and you say...


I can forgive you!

Because there is no greater love a man can give.

I do believe in you!

It's finally time you start living in the truth again!

Have faith in the great I AM!

I heal your wounds and scars!

I love you...and I forgive you...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I owe this to several people who have hurt me over the last year, and though I wanted to hate them so bad I chose instead to forgive them...because I was forgiven, and there is freedom in forgiveness.

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The Heart Of The Matter 2013





Life in the new millenium is a continuous cycle of acceptance, tolerance, forgiveness, and rebirth of self. The past is in the past, but there have been made many mistakes that we will need to acknowledge and correct. There is no other way. Thank those who try your patience. They have made you stronger where others allowed you to be weak. Thank those who have treated you mean and unworthy, because they have made you see what you do not want to be like. Everyone has strengths in different areas, and to find your own is where you will flourish and grow the most, but not without forgiveness. Everyone has a right to be who they are, even if who they are seems heartless to us, it is not for us to judge, really is it?

We dig the hole deeper without allowing others to be themselves as much as we hurt ourselves when we ignore the choice we have to feel as we deserve to feel. People can word things in such a way that brings thoughts to mind that allow for expansion of who we are into a better people, but if we stay too long in any given feeling, we lose out on life and abundance. Just because you get a feeling does not make that feeling a fact, it just makes their opinion that caused the feeling in us part of who they are, and a need for us to recognise part of who we are.  To begin this process of tolerance, forgiveness, understanding and rebirth with those in our immediate presence, is a step towards the rest of the world doing it, and the world will heal from centuries of intolerance and greed. It causes a ripple that will remain even after we are gone.


The world is full of people who are ugly on the inside right now. There is war, greed, and many unresolved wrongs that have been done to people on the earth and to the earth itself, but if all we can do is care about how we feel about ourselves, without placing any effort at all to understand others or forgiving ourselves for having allowed those wrongs to happen, then the cycle just keeps repeating itself, and we become more and more vengeful. Just because we were not ever a murderer, a drug addict, an adulterer---does not mean that our attitudes and opinions did not feed into another becoming those things.  Forgiveness and an attempt to understand others and ourselves gives us a way out, but doing so takes a lot of acceptance of our own part that we played in any disagreement, even at times when we think we were totally innocent. Most human beings do not like to see anyone suffer, but I believe that we all ask to be born into whatever circumstances we were born into.for a reason. How does one child live in poverty with a smile on his face, and another born with riches live in misery? Some of us are young souls and some of us are old souls who have been incarnated here on this planet many times before, and we come to grow spiritually...thus we ask for certain circumstances and it is up to us to find the ways to grow from them. You would think that at 56 years of age, having been preached to all of one's life, a person would be perfect, but truth is, we never reach perfection in human form... a perfect human being is one that makes mistakes for all of their life and continuously acknowledges it I think. There is no reward or present for loving another human being. The reward is in the loving itself. 

If you choose not to believe that, that is ok too. It could be you are simply not meant to believe it in this lifetime, and that is no big deal either. Great things have been known to come from great disagreements, it's just that you never hear about those things in the media. Wink





2013 ©



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It is possible to 

Stop making exceptions

And accept what is,

Was, and what always will be,

To cease the cycle of 

Turmoil that stifles 

A life, society, community,

Race, people.


First, it has to be recognised

Underneath all the 

Litter and trash in 

One's conditioned 

Mind and set of moral



Humans usually,

At some point,

Arrive in this place,

Because if they did not,

The guilt would be 

Their extinction,

And any good 

They did for humanity

Would be lessened,

To the detriment of 

All of humanity.




07/22/2013 ©


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