The Night Before Vacation

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(A Letter I’ll Never Send)

 

You asked for a break the night before I left for vacation with my daughter.

We were packing our bags — laughing, folding clothes, talking about mountains and trains — and then your text came in.

Just words on a screen, but they split something open in me.

 

It’s strange how heartbreak has no respect for timing.

How it doesn’t wait until you’re alone, or steady, or ready.

You knew this trip was her first — her big adventure — and that I wouldn’t get a moment to myself to breathe it out.

No quiet space to cry, no chance to crumble.

 

So I didn’t.

I smiled while she danced in the hotel room.

I took pictures of mountains and waterfalls while my chest burned.

I made train snacks and bedtime stories and hid my grief behind laughter.

And when the nights got too heavy, I cried quietly in the bathroom at 3 a.m., letting the sound of the vent swallow my sobs.

Then I’d wash my face, breathe deep, and start again.

 

That’s the thing about single mothers —

we break in silence so our children don’t have to.

We learn to hold both joy and heartbreak in the same breath.

And somehow, we keep choosing the light —

not because it’s easy,

but because they’re watching.

 

You might never know what it cost me to hold it together that week.

But I do.

And that’s enough.

 

Because someday, when the pain fades and the story softens,

I’ll remember that trip not for the text that broke me —

but for the way I refused to let it steal my daughter’s joy.

 

That’s the moment I realized —

the strength I was searching for in you

was always inside me.

 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

Not really a poem, more a letter or thought I'll never send. 

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