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I’ve proven people wrong before.

You are hardly an exception.

You said I should be single for a long time.

Venting to my friends who were right about you was the real medicine.

And plenty of boys say I’m a catch before they get to know who I am.

You said I need to grow up.

But you’re unemployed and you bash a girl that was slandered by her best friend.

I love being told what a snotty person I am both at work and when I’m with you.

You said I’m self-absorbed and immature.

I saved an artist you cruelly envied on his birthday from a debt that was killing him slow.

It was the best 30 pounds I ever spent this week because it was out of selfless love.

You said you deserve so much better than me.

You tried to gaslight me into thinking that no living soul is good enough for me.

You took the easy way out instead of bearing with me a little longer.

You said I don’t understand how relationships work.

That’s all you’re right about because what one person doesn’t find sexy might attract another.

So neither do you.

You said a piece of you will always love me.

You were just kidding yourself when you said that.

Some therapist you’re turning out to be, dearest.

It felt hazy that I pondered for days or even weeks

On how I was going to repay you for your compassion and charity.

You don’t deserve to know what I had planned for you.

If you somehow worm your way back into my life,

I won’t be crying my eyes out like the time when a bastard was unfaithful to you.

Instead, I will stand my ground like a rock and kick you in the crotch.

You had one opportunity to take things slow so we could get along.

But you’re not getting a second chance because I don’t trust you.

Does this explain why you claim I don’t love you?

Fast-forward to last week to the part where I started anew with another dude.

He’s a scary one that could do more damage to you than me.

He loves me for everything you hate about me.

He’s the kind of boy whose easy to set aside time for

While I hit the books and explore the world because he’s along for the ride.

I couldn’t be more attracted to him every time he touches me to say, “You’re mine.”

It’s not because he desires to put me on a leash and lock me up.

It’s because he understands where I’m coming from and he too thinks “give and take” is crap.

Yet, he loves me like the Holy Grail because he tells me that I’m the best part of every day to him.

Relationships are like snowflakes.

No two function the same way because people are complex creatures with different standards.

Yours certainly were a mystery and to this day, I wondered how it all went wrong.

Our final days were a thin line between love and hate.

I already know which direction you went.

That’s one thing you and the monsters in my nightmares have in common.

by Jeph Johnson

Many grow up too fast

Even more mature too slowly

they are confused,

they thought they knew me

and now they have to face they never did

the things they were not there for

i tried to tell them about

but loving people can often cause blindness

we love deeply

and because we love so deeply

we can hear another's story and shut them out

it happens fast

we do not even realize we do it

and it continues like a cancer in the blinding dark of love

the story goes in our ears

and moves like lightning through our minds

we are unaware of how to help

pain, anger, resentment, denial,

all stages of healing

and grief....

when someone we love is hurt

they are grieving a loss

and it is the same as grieving a death

without being present for these emotions

within ourselves,

we cannot be present for another's

without developing a healthy grieving manner

we can never be there to help 

another help themselves

so now, the pain of not knowing me

knowing i was alone

there comes denial

you were not alone!

(guilt)

god was there!

you asked for it!

blame god then

you always did like seeing him hang on that cross

but don't try to tell me it never happened

3:47 PM 7/5/2013

©

............

Stars gather then drift-
Wandering in the endless sea of fascination.
Polishing fellow seekers with their dust of wonder. 
Sparkle-
Adorn, those who are blessed to come in contact.
... Do you see them?
Glisten. 
Craddled in the hands of the solar system.
Have you heard them?
Sadly, these beams go unseen.
For you'd rather glide alone.

I am not afraid

to become who I ought

to travel through my youth

& teach what I've been taught

I am not afraid

to grow wisdom in my eyes

experience in my hair

knowledge in my skin

& greatness in my smile

I am not afraid

I am not afraid

to bear what's been born

to save what's been scorn

to love any shape, or

any form

I am not afraid

to accept what's been done,

to acknowledge what's be won

or renew what's begun

I am not afraid

I am not afraid

to thank the unreachable

to forgive the unthinkable

or teach the unfathomable

I am not afraid

to try and then fail

to be defeated, then prevail

to see the beauty in becoming frail

or forget the times i knew so well

I am not afraid

2005

That difference in result that I expect,
offered from another's intellect,
had showed me it might pay to be insane,
should my repeated actions gather fame.

The answer to my self destructive ways,

a question gone unanswered countless days,
Crying to the sowers of this seed,
a burden now with which I have been freed,

Freed to be the master of this game,
Freed from the need to complain or pass blame,
Freed from the need to suffer from my pain,
Freed to accept the pavers of this path,
To take the wheel, steer clear of wrath,

Chaos and discomfort I shall own,
as tools for the foundation of my home.

The time has come for me to love myself,

and thank the dealer for the cards I'm dealt.

If things were simple to get,
would they hold much value...
If love was simple to find,
would we wait or search;
as it comes it goes...
If perfection was attainable
on earth, would it even be
considered...
If living was simple, death
would be much easier to
contemplate...
If an advice was simple to
give, would anyone take
it with an open mind?
If being one's best was not
simple enough, then simply
what is one's best for?
If lying is simple to many,
then it is simple to live a lie...
If being simple was simple,
the world would not care for
simplicity...
If writing was simple, I would
not care to write...

As a wise man, I have learned
from my foolish ways-
In my darkest days,
I found comfort in my loneliness.
In my foolish days, I misbehaved!
Gave into temptation...
awaited sad in the station for
the bus to come-by,
but when the bus came and
rode away, I went
nowhere.
A joy ride of pleasures,
sinful fulfillment-
Innocence lost but gained
maturity, enough to say,
"Foolish practices are wise
learning's."