disability
If I Am to Lose These Eyes
If I am to lose these eyes
Strip me then now of these lies
Take me to this darkness wonder
In harmony of the black of slumber
Forever to stay shut, anchored in a sea under
and yet though, I do not believe in such thunder
You can take me away from one thing
But I will find a way to still chirp and sing
You can take my legs and swallow love's promised ring
But I'll still find a way to flap a broken wing
And if I am to die..?
I can walk away, with open eyes.
Having it all or Not having it all?
Having it all means being satisfied with what I have. It means being happy with the gifts God gives me on a day to day basis, which I usually am not. Why? Because I am on Supplemental Security Income, which is the lowest level of disability one can receive in America. Therefore I barely have enough to get by. Since my wife is also on SSI we get the married rate, which is just over $1,000.00 per month. That may sound like a lot of money but it actually puts us somewhere like 60% below the federal poverty level!
This is why I have trying so hard to launch my new magazine Mid-Ohio Valley Poetry Magazine. The only real skill I have is that of writing. I think editing this magazine and publishing it may be my ticket off of the government disability nipple. The problem is that I'm not getting subscribers. The magazine is well worth it. It will be between 7-10 pages long, stapled along the sides, with various genres of poetry in each issue. It will also have a dynamite Christian column by our permanent Christian columnist Kathy Nemec. The first issue will be printed in June. Subscriptions are $15.00 for postal delivery to the USA only. $10.00 for the e-zine. The June issue will feature haikus, short stories, and some free style poetry also.
I want to get off of SSI so badly and the magazine is my only shot. Buy subscriptions and advertise for me. That will allow me to truly have it all. You see I used to lie to myself and tell myself that I was okay on disability. Then my family started doing without things. I didn't notice for a long time because I was strung out on medications and alcohol. Now I'm sober and I see them doing without food. I see clothes piling up because I don't have $1.00 to buy laundry soap. I won't allow that. I need income. I can't drive to a regular job due to epilepsy. So my magazine idea has to fly. You guys are my family. I wanted to pitch you first. You can subscribe through my website www.marvinspoetrypage.com.
Somewhere October 21, 2012
Somewhere October 21, 2012
Somewhere, somehow
These memories pains me so
Harder to breathe
“Let it go” they say
But it ain’t that easy
“Learn from your mistakes”
There are unresolved questions
“Move on”
How can I?
Repression: both a gift and curse
Diagnosis: Major Depressive Disorder
“They’re mistaken”
Research shows it’s Autism.
Specifically, Asperger’s