loss
Dangerous/Trigger
My heart races as we lock eyes,
He is dangerous
I am like a gazelle
Who believes a nesting lion is my mate
Blinded by forces unseen.
He is beautiful
Like an unfinished work of art
Free for interpretation
I am a painter
He is my muse on a blank canvas.
He is a schoolyard bully
I am his nerd
He hits me so hard i taste blood
Bile rises in the back of my throat
But i love the pain of it.
But He is poison
And i am his victim
Slowly suffering from his effects
Longing for a way
To turn the tables.
Now he is the target,
I am the loaded gun,
About to pull the trigger...
Pixilated memories
Sitting in her office. Looking at the child who never ages. The digital photo, blurry, without definition. never to change.
The only hope the stock photography of beaches, a shell, a butterfly, a burger coupon
her carpet worn with weight. with sadness, with the un ending pain of losing the child of her child.
ended life. the name stops. the poverty continues. endless pain. endless loss. never again to see the one thing she had lived for. the one happy point of her day. the smile. the light. the future.
now is ended. now has faded into pixilated memories.
IN DARK DREAMS.
In dark dreams
I walk again
those empty
hospital corridors
with their dull lights
and smell of disinfect
and death
in those dreams
I look for you again
my son
passing by
the blanks faces
of others
looking at
their eyes
for glimpses of life
or concern
or such
as humans
sometimes have
I go by
room after room
pass porters
pushing
the occasional trolley
by the various
side wards
passing by
the bright lights
of hospital shops
in the dream
I am hoping
to find you once more
sitting there
on the bed
your back turned
your head lowered
but this time
I am hoping
for a healthier you
my son
not one so ill
so lost
in this dream
sunlight shines
through the window
of the small ward
a bird sings
not that dull curtain
the murmur
of voices
the usual limbo like
air about the place
this time my son
I wish to find you well
looking at me
with your own
familiar smile
not that haunted
expression
and tired eyes
that draw from me
a steam
of deep felt cries.
Son,Mother,Daughter
Shots fired
Son dies
Shots fired
Mother cries
Shots fired
Doing life
Shots fired
Mother dies
Shots fired
Son cries
Shots fired
Doing life
Shot fired
Daughter dies
Shots fired
No one crys
Shots fired
Doing life
Shots fired
In the ghetto
The Masterpiece
I thought I'd draw the silhouette
Of how it made me feel
When you died,
But since there was nothing inside,
The page remains blank to this day.
I never want to see that masterpiece.
....
Consequences
Where where is darkness
There is light
Where there is daytime
There is night
Where there is peace-time
There is war
When comes after
Look before
Enter My Fear
and the darkness shrouds the land in only misery's cries.
Enter grief!
A timeless ocean.
Trapped of despair, trapped without relief
Enter the moon!
Endless racing of the thoughts.
Including you alone, trapped dead inside an empty room
The dead is holding you stiff once more!
Staring into your eyes, never have you felt so gone before
The time comes again, to pit against all that is you
Will you ever find the part of you that is actually true?
Paint the sky bleak
Consider everything we cannot speak
The one painting with the sun I painted as a child is lost.
Reality has broken the barrier, this is the ultimate cost
Together Forever
If life is a game
And love is a place
Then I'd ever be
Within your embrace
But now we are far
So far from each other
But soon it's not so
In kisses we'll smother
When time is a memory
And space is a dream
Together forever
Rid of fates scheme
Laying together
On a midsummers day
Gone into the light
Wisped far away
THEN HER FACE
She missed him
in her bed
missed the smell of him
the indentation
in the pillow
where his head lay
the silly
romantic things
he used to say
the kisses
on her body
every place
ending
on her face
but it wasn't
just the kisses
or the sex she missed
or the way
he fired her up
on entering her
the way
he did each time
no
she missed of all things
the deep joy
he brought
the kind
that only
happiness brings
she turned over
and gazed at the pillow
where his head
once lay
the missing indentation
the dark hair or two
the sight of him
smiling back
after having sex
another time
(he was never slack)
she felt
his absence
more so then
no ghostly smiles
or gazes
just the white
dumb pillow
laying there
smooth and silent
like a sleeping sheep
she ran her finger
along the bed
where once
his body lay
that is where
his butt would be
and there
is where
we made love
that last day
before his death
took him away
she sighed
the echo of it
filling the room
spreading out
each bit of space
sometimes
she thinks
he's still kissing her
first her body
then her face.