I lost my grandmother recently, and it was my first experience of death in the family - an experience I was old enough to understand, for once, anyway. People I don't know as well have paid me their respects, people I know very well have said nothing at all. It's a very confusing and frustrating time for me, as I'm not quite sure of how I'm feeling or how to take people or how to do anything anymore. My first instinct, after being with my family, was to write. This was what came.