I'm spiraling out of control

With no where to go


My mind is losing it's grip

Reality is begining to slip


There's no where left to turn

My desire starts to burn  


I can't seem to find my feet

My heart is ceasing to beat  


Sanity is but a shallow dream

Spinning too fast, I begin to scream  


I'm losing my balance, starting to fall

The world's gone black, you can't hear my call  


It's dizzying how fast I'm going

There's an odd feeling of knowing  


The end is near, it's closing in

My patience is wearing thin  


Goodbye to my sanity

It's spiraling out from beneath me  


I'm no longer who I was before

There's no one here anymore!

In The Corner

"Sorry to hear about your loss"'s

Are wooden and rigid

Templates learnt and regurgitated

Out of the mouths of puppets.


There are the hard-eyed portraits

On the wall with nothing

To say. There are caricatures

Who never cease to stop.


"Are you okay?" trickles out

Of the mouths of the mindless.

Questions back me into corners and

I have no choice but to nod my head.


The false testimony that is "yes"

Is as wooden and rigid as the rest.

There are too many timber slabs

Around me - I want to burn them all.


Let me set fire to your words

Before you bother to let them out.

I am sincerely sorry that I have

A loss for you to be so sorry about.


May the match put an end

To your stilted statements and constant

Questions. Unless in that corner,

I can find my grandmother again.



Author's Notes/Comments: 

I lost my grandmother recently, and it was my first experience of death in the family - an experience I was old enough to understand, for once, anyway. People I don't know as well have paid me their respects, people I know very well have said nothing at all. It's a very confusing and frustrating time for me, as I'm not quite sure of how I'm feeling or how to take people or how to do anything anymore. My first instinct, after being with my family, was to write. This was what came.

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Empty Shell

I felt no loss 

I didn't end it

I wanted time

I was suspect

I became lost

I moved away

I feel lost

Inside I am empty

I was pushed away

I regret nothing and everything

I am still waiting

I thought you were

I saw you moved on

I can't which hurts




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Blurred Edges


It’s in the tremble of your voice as


You lean on me and the sweet


Tears trickle down from your eyes




It’s in the way you try to stifle


Your cries as if I can’t feel them


Coming in waves throughout your body




It’s in that final moment when we’re


Done and you’re “so sorry” but


This is uttered with meaning this time




It’s in the core of me - that feeling of


Knowing this is a sign and within


Moments we’re both ending and beginning




It’s in the way we hold onto each other and


Our worlds are both spinning because


This will be the “last” but we’ve said it all before




It’s in the time that we’ve taken to get here, for


This moment of rapport and soul spilling


It’s the first time we’re really seeing each other




It’s seeing through the walls we both insist on


Building to keep another out as we’re


So very afraid of really letting people in




It’s the knowing that you’ve shown me you and


I’ve let you see more than just my skin


You’ve felt my body and melted with my mind


I’ve lost where you end and where I begin.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I'm incredibly new to poetry so keep that in mind while you read Embarassed

This poem comes out of a memory from not so long ago. The last line is adapted from a part of a song called 'Basic Space' by The xx (I recommend you listen), and I had this line in mind while writing as it really resonated with me (and essentially inspired the whole thing).

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10 minute prose

What would I tell you?

If but all the things left unsaid

My heart overflows

But you can’t hear them

When did love become a field

That when plowed with such tender words

Becomes a battlefield

that runs red with the open wounds of untold thousands?

With the love in my heart my soul wishes for you

A brighter day than the last

Where we greet each day with a thought of each other

And end each in turn in an embrace.

Where a road not traveled

led to a grove of refreshing trees

and we stood unafraid in the clearing

confessing our love for each other

The sweet nothings, the sound of your breath in my ear

a melody of daily perfection

where we meet our fullness

in the bread that is the other’s mere presence?

Reality is our bread,

Pain it’s main course

Damned by our own limitations and longings

Of it we’ve had our fill

A tender expression,

a longing look,

a lingering touch

reminders of a love that cannot be

Forever is our course

Eternity is our damnation

That our paths had crossed earlier

So that our longing could be satisfied

So what’s leftover?

True love never dies.

It’s sad undeath remains


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Taking Pieces


I am free

But chained to my invisible ties.
He can't see me 
Or hear me.
He will soon forget my laugh,
He'll forget my smile.
I don't know why I willingly shackled myself in to start with. 
Signing my name in this contract of devotion
and heart consumption when
All I was given in return was heart-ache.
He walks freely,
Bearing the pain and all its glory.
Only for the time being.
To his peers he seems unchanged.
He appears confident;
the typical alpha-wolf routine.
Pain doesn't compare to loss.
Losing pieces
Losing pieces of myself
I thought would never come unfastened. 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

going through this relationship I realized pieces of me became lost from this world. the care-free, easy-going, confident pieces I wish everyday would comeback to me. 

A Rose Thrown out to Sea.


you were petals i once
submerged — a fistful i let
go of under a foggy sea
when i was succumbing
to myself


you were the surface tension
screaming my name;
a diaphragm’s lullaby —
old thunder in the rain…

i’ve been fond of storms
ever since



no one told me
how slow clouds would be —
i would have held my
breath a bit longer…


charted constellations
a bit better before
i spoke of love in light-years


and there you were
on a shoreline,
carrying salt in your palms



how many times
will I walk here, —
a wreckage of bramble
in my side?


“the sea is much too old,”
i heard someone say…


and the wind was salt
on my brain

it left a hole;
a stain,
and i felt a burning
behind my soggy


can stars erode
in the tide?



night adorns it’s veil —
scallops tug at the lace


and i toss inky petals
to the sea


nocturne’s dreamboat
a dead man’s float; —
how i’ve internalized
my hatred for romance


“the sea is much too old,”
i heard someone say…


and i realized my
lungs could speak
for days about sunken
ships returning home



i ignore a
distant moon — inertia
rocking my cradle


but she stays there
all the same…


here’s stardust
on her breath — whiskey
on mine


“you’ve grown much too old,”
i heard her say…


so i closed my eyes,
and felt sand between
my toes for the first time


it will be eons before
i swim here again

Author's Notes/Comments: 


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The Formless Son

Star Crusher Prime

It no longer has a true form;

the original was absorbed by the hatred

that became the imprisoned soul,

The child locked in the depths of sorrow

and chained to the walls of darkness.

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Tragically Blue


There's a girl

sitting on the edge

of the world,

touching the blue

with her fingertips,

making the sky fall.


She's no longer

a singer,

a hoper,

a lover.


She is tragically


slipping away,

turning her back

on a world she once

wanted to see.


She is tragically


keeping her hands hidden

in her pockets,

closing her eyes,

blind to a boy she once

wanted to keep.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Dedicated to NoahandJude from I'll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson.  I give you all of the stars.

Written 5/7/15

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