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I have been lost for awhile.  My family lost someone today.  I am doing well with it, but I needed to share.

I am an EMT and a firefighter.  I have spent my whole adult life trying to help others.  To stop pain and Death and to save life and joy.

I have been there for too many deaths.  I have seen too much pain.  It is a burden on my soul and a weight on my heart.

I try to sink the pain deep inside of me, but it has power and time and can find a crack to come out again and again.

I do not know how to stop it from pushing out from the inside. Maybe if I push it to the outside it will have more trouble coming back in.

Maybe

-bt

This is my attempt to be philosophical while talking about love, which is probably kind of stupid in concept alone. I got a bit bored and lost early on, and am really just venting my eternal frustration, lest I eventually give up on trying to find an actual mate whom I consider my equal (which will surely leave me plenty of time to search for something ((someone)) hollow and cheap).

I've just been feeling like my life has been so boring lately! I want things to pick up again!

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