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I cannot help myself
against the slender slopes
hidden beneath her denim skin.
Inside me, there is a wolf, searching
to sheer this sheep's clothing
so that I may devour her.
Perhaps her She-Wolf would
exhale stifled howls, inviting me
to prowl freely and roam with Spirit.
Or perhaps I'm imaging such
liberty...
in truth, I pray secretly
for 'sheepish' prey.
No trust for this lust;
I've lost myself before
to beastly beckoning echoing from bedrooms,
bidding consent to cum hither
for back breaking acrobatics -- 
but silence is my only partner these days,
karma suiting my insatiable inclination
for constant Kama Sutra sessions.

 

 

Oh sweet, sweet love

This day is meant for us

This day of passion and romance

With a hint of lust

 

Your crimson lips I yearn for

Your crimson lips that stain

Each and every memory

Helping me stay sane

 

Memories with a scent

Only your presence can leave

Another lost breathe,

That has been taken from me

 

Eyes molded in every thought

Angelic flesh beside me; lay

Sensations left on my skin

Reminders of the day

 

Traces of you are found

Intertwining with my heart

Footprint after footprint

A perfect love to impart

 

A day so sublime

A night so ideal

Today is meant for us

Flawlessly surreal

 

 

My lover knows my needs
she greets me in rose gardens
of the hidden recesses of my dreams
my needs she meets
when we greet under purple skies
we dance we forget we find sensual
trances in the flame of passion
lights the soul
the needs of the dreams of two lovers
who exist in the conscious who
lie in lust and dream somewhere between heaven
and hell...

Bodies intertwined like serpents in the garden of sin
souls dieing again and again
to find the pleasure in the pain
the judgement the sentence
the dream to awaken
to nurture the flower of skin
to consume the nectar that awaits within

WARNING: This is a heavy piece of writing that deals with the topic of sexual assault through relaying a survivors experience of date rape. If you are offended or sensitive to this subject matter, then please refrain from reading this particular piece. 

 

To everyone else: I wanted this piece of writing to channel the various feelings, thoughts, and overall experience of what it's like to go through such a horrific experience. It's choppy, it's scattered, and it's devoid of warmth. It's as though you're watching these events occur, but you aren't really experiencing them. You're disconnected; dissociated. To the survivors of sexual assault, my heart goes out to you and I know your many pains. For me, writing about my experiences has provided more healing than any shrink or pills ever could. 

I'm always here to talk if anyone ever needs a listening ear, or sounding board. 

You're not alone.

 

-G.B

 

 

19 and naïve

Lonely

Desperate

 

She rides the 5E down the line

It's 11 PM

Past her bedtime

Work in the morning, she'll sleep in

 

One shot,

One night,

One boy who never paid her mind

 

Cold, it's the Dead of winter. She takes off a glove and fixes her hair

 

He's finally noticed her

She's coming at his midnight beckon

 

Houses with closed blinds fly past the window

Ever closer to her destination

 

her heart beats in rhythm to the bumping of tires over potholes

 

A man boards the bus,

waves a glove in her face

Crazy wide eyes and alcohol on his breath,

insanity pours out of a poisoned mouth

 

She sidles past and steps outside,

Cold air punches her lungs and leaves her gasping

 

She's walking

Walking

Walking

 

Towards the house in the middle of the street

 

The house he's waiting for her in

Waiting

Waiting

Waiting for his chance

 

Stopping at the porch, he welcomes her with open arms,

Tall and strong, enveloping her in a disconcerting embrace

 

They enter,

A staircase leads up

 

to a room

 

The room

 

The room with posters

And a laptop

And an inflatable mattress

 

'We're going to watch a movie'

 

It's not a question

 

We are

I am

 

I sit, but he wants to lay

His voice slithers wet and heavy in my ear

 

'You want it, but I'm not giving it to you'

 

My brain starts to ache

Confusion

Throat becomes sandpaper

I've forgotten how to breathe

 

I don't want it

 

Hands now roaming my body without permission 

Shallow compliments fall on me and explode in a queasy stomach

 

I'm going numb

His mouth on mine

This isn't how I imagined it

 

Fighting back against bile rising in my throat

 

When did I become naked

 

He tells me I want it

 

I still don't

 

What happened to the movie

I just wanted a movie

 

He's inside me

Everything hurts

His face is ugly

And I think I hate him

 

He tells me to shut up

 

I can't

 

A hand strikes me

 

Shocking

Stinging

 

'I told you to be quiet'

 

Strong hands now hug my throat

A violent embrace

I want to cough

I can't

 

Squeezing

Gripping

 

Spots dance before my eyes

 

Tears threaten to fall

Please don't betray me

Trying to maintain

 

I can't

 

 

He grabs my face

 

'Are you crying?'

 

There's amusement in his voice

It's a game to him

 

He soothes me

Wipes my tears

Before resuming

 

Mouth to my ear again

Hissing

Growling

 

'I love raping you

 

I love raping you

 

God it's good

 

Dirty whore

 

I know you love it'

 

I'm there for years

I think I flew away  for a few of them

 

Up

Up

Out of the room with the inflatable mattress

Out of my body

 

The body that rejected me

Made this happen

Nightmare

 

It's finally over

A lifetime has passed

I never knew a body could feel like this from the inside

 

I am dirty

Defiled

Hurting

Alone

Angry and

 

Betrayed

 

Now downstairs,  he pulls me on his lap

Another man is there and they casually chat

They're laughing

 

I'm sick

 

And I think he is too

 

Going home now

I'm back

I'm alive

(I think)

 

It's so cold

 

I work tomorrow

 

I'm going to sleep in

 

 

Some say, Love comes in the beginning

Some even say, "It was Love at first sight"

Some profess, "Their Love came from the heart"

Some actually know, it was just lustful plight

Some see their dream and the endorphins kick in.

Some think it's Love, and don't know where to begin

Some spend a lifetime not knowing Love when....

Someday you'll realize..."Love comes in the end."

Your propensity perplexes me, with your plethora of pent up passion,

Passionately professing prowess in persuading perseptive pawns.

Your persuasive powers presede you, in a pelvic picture plot,

Producing pretty pear shaped particulars, pre-emptive strike at dawn.

Potential parties plead to partake of predominate, pleasing portains,

Poised,  passing judgement, pleasure pending, you pick your poison'

 

He was after her thus,

The uncontrollable lust was,

There in his eyes,

In each organ of his.

 

She has sensed it at last,

His lust,

Is making her sick gradually,

Since her brain reminds her of it constantly.

 

Who wins in the end? Let’s see,

The lust or chastity!

 

Tear my skin apart

Let me feel your desire

Open wounds of passion

Set my soul on fire

 

Passionate licks

trail down my neck

Kissing so hard

I'm under attack.

 

Don't hold back

I'm not finished with you yet.

Rip off my clothes,

Make me later regret.

 

Touch me possessively

Seduce my skin

Let me be yours

Just let me in.

 

Hold my wrists to the bed

Make me anticipate 

A battle has begun

Destruction: Let's create

 

Manipulate my body

Grind in generous submission

Control my desire

Send me back to remission.

 

Skin begging to be caressed

You make me beg for release

Whispering in my ear

Oh, please. Please. Please.

 

Moving across the bed

Seductive bodies dancing

A rhythm so sly and evil

It's nearly romancing.

 

Finish the job, dear.

My skin only craves you

Let me know you want me

Please, baby, say you do.

 

Creshendo then silence

Anticipation for the night

Will this be the last time

Or will we be alright?

 

What can you call this

Something so pure but taint

So thick with obscurity

Muddled down with old paint.

 

Hiding the flaws in the walls

Sex cannot fix our quandary

So shall we try again?

Wash away the inquiry.

 

We have nothing left

Love replaced by lust

Our love has failed us

Dead to become dust.