Long time

Been feeling pretty uninspired,

The irony my life has been spiraling,

Taking notes about my meditations and dreams,

Going back and forth with myself 'it isnt what it seems'

Even now, writing but not feeling the words,

'How do I feel, how do I feel'  no adjectives, no verbs, 

To describe my daily illusion, 

All the sick as fuck things ive been doing,

These thoughts and white bitches ive been consuming,

Jesus make me believe in you again,

I wanna believe my future could change if I could just see the light through you again,

These crystals around my neck are heavy but im not grounded,

Obsessing about all of the things around me,

Be mine, someone,

Ive lost my contentment,

If I dont feel another body against mine soon I might betray my commitments,

Light eyes give me hope,

I hope she never reads this,

Im an alien, on a terrace, just standing for what I believe in,

These silly words,

These silly words just giving you feeling,

I have none,

Empty but filled with so much expression,

The church would say your blessed and,

You are satan, for including your love for a woman within the same statement,

Im rambling now,

Lucifer the gardian angel of mine who wears a crown,

Send me down a blessing from the sky,

Perferrably a bitch with nice tits, pink lips, and a smile as sharp as a tooth pick,

Make her love me unconditionally even when im acting stupid,

Unconditionally even when im disillusioned...

Oh, and send me a bag of money.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Because its been a while...

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How Do I Celebrate Valentine's Day?


Can’t there be a holiday for the lonely people?


People walking around in a daze


Makeup running down their cheeks


Reflecting on the one who slipped through their needy fingers


Or cursing their solitude


Wishing no one would have to share their quiet worthlessness




Instead we pile teddy bears onto shelves like shitty food onto cafeteria trays


We cram chocolate into heart shaped boxes


Packed tightly, claustrophobic


Like the air tight monogamy of a committed relationship


We buy women expensive lingerie


Only to tear it off the minute it’s in front of us


We buy overpriced cards so Hallmark


Can tell our partner how we really feel


And we do it all in the name of love,


Or at least whatever we’re calling the social contract conjoining two people


Who enjoy talking to each other almost as much as fucking


I want a national regrets day


Just some sort of terrible liquor on clearance


And a note pad where everyone can write down their mistakes


Could I finally make my friends jealous as they awe at my expansive scroll?


And what about slutty people?


Where is their holiday? (If we’re not counting Halloween)


Divorced, widowed?


I think they deserve a holiday as well.


Some people have good reason to avoid relationships


Perhaps they had the romance of the century


Until an untimely death or illness


Maybe he turned out to be a cheater


Maybe she turned out to be a he


But alas,


I get on with my point,


Valentine’s Day isn’t the celebration of real love


It’s the annual cornballathon ode to our obsessed, idealistic vision of it


Love is powerful and incredible


But it’s also brutal and gross


It has sharp elbows not found on a cuddly teddy bear


And when you celebrate love


You’re also celebrating jealousy, revenge and despair


It may be too darn starry- eyed for one to suggest we stop pretending love is anything you’d be able buy in a store


But my non- conformist, abominably angst ridden heart is unrelenting in its pursuit


Start enjoying what we really are


Not what the commercials say we should be


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"Living" Homeless

D. E. A. F.

It's funny how attitudes change,

when people find out you are alone.

That you have no pillow to rest your head,

nor a bed to call your own.

Sometimes even family will turn their back,

and slowly look the other way.

But still somehow manage to ask you favors,

or for a cut of your pay.

But they don't care if at night,

you're frreezing before you lay on the ground.

Then when your hungry they don't care,

or hear when your starving stomach makes a sound.

But yet when all is okay,

and you have a place to live and food to eat.

They want to be the first ones to know,

and congradulate you getting on your feet.

The government doesn't seem to care either.

If they did I wouldn't be here in the first place?

And what of all these starving children,

give them a bagel and watch them stuff their face.

I know what it feels like to be "Living" Homeless,

except you can't really say you're lving, right?

When everyone gones inside and locks their doors,

and your forced to battle the weather for the night?

When no one cares what happens to you,

not the government, or family, and that's about it.

So if you ever end up "Living" Homeless,

be prepared for excuses and bullsh*t.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I won't divulge whether this is personal or not but it is meaningful. Give Feedback.

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Binary Cognition (the Expanse vs. the Inhibitors)

Intruders in the dome of geodesic pink:

Fixtures there have risen, tendrils turned from digits,

forming living chains with corruption housed in-link.


All preemptive measures have fizzled in repose;

neurons dim by proxy, the smell of sleep is known

and shared among synapses as they lapse and doze.





Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is really awful and I don't really feel like fighting to finish it, so enjoy, or something.

View sivus's Full Portfolio

Hatred Boiling the Blood in My Veins

Every bullshit are like fires,
They hit me like a flamethrower.
Hatred grows like bubbles in a bath,
They grow bigger and bigger until they pop.

But, the fires burns on my skin so much.
My blood boils hotter until bloody bubbles are what's left of me.
All my anger and hatred filled up,
My veins are about to break and spill the blood everywhere.

It hurts so damn much...
I don't want to end up looking like Carrie
A filthy, bloodied woman just filled with hatred.
But, the pain just won't end from the fires...

Combing through the Bullshit

Is this how I should feel?
No real ties.
A mess with no real path.
Is this God after a cruel laugh?
My reputation
Considered a rebel.
Did I damn myself
Make a Deal with the Devil?


Scared of whom I have become
No clue how I got here,
where it all begun?
Desperate for love,
never found it.
Bleeding out
Roll over
Drown in it.
Looking for answers
No tears left to cry
All that's left;
Spread my wings and fly.
Or do I give up?
Bleed out and die.

Ego Enigma


Pluck all the haters
pluck all the lazy ones
pluck all thier insecurities
and chuck them in the annointed abyss

pluck all the users
pluck all the misers
pluck all the losers
and call them to account and smash their egos in

pluck all the rumours
pluck all that defiles
pluck all their foolshit
and jam it up thier hopeless selfish ends

pluck all the attacks
pluck all the misunderstanding
pluck all their false bravado
and hang them with thier ineptitude deftly

pluck all the envy
pluck all the deciet
pluck all the faker lies
and return your glance a glacier icy slice

pluck all the energy
pluck all the time
pluck all the effort
and love it gently putting it into a worthy vein

pluck all the venom
pluck all the conspiracy
pluck all the Haters
and swap all the first 2 words l's with h's read now

pluck all the last lastlines
pluck all the the last words
pluck all their meaning last to first.
and all will make sence when going back and understanding what I meant.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I like puzzles and poems. I darkly morphed the two with an issue I feel strongly about.

little words of wisdom



you're so annoying


you try to send me little words of wisdom


but they just piss me off


and make my shoulder's tight


always trying to give me


a way out of growing


"you're perfect just the way you are"


"imperfect is perfect"


"everything is as it should be"


"you don't need to change"






it annoys the crap out of me


how 'bout something like


be the change you want to see in the world


something that encourages growth


isn't that what you're job was supposed to be?


you who always told me I was perfect


before I ever learned a fucking thing


it would've been a lot more helpful


if I'd known I had to work 


a little harder to really learn


no, I'm not some little genius


I'm not soooo good at playing the guitar


I never even fucking learned it


can't play but a couple of notes


No, I am not a great tennis player


I can just hit a few balls back and forth


but I don't know the game


I never learned that either


I am not a great artist


I never learned any technique


I never had to


cuz in your eyes


I was already perfect


so I didn't have to learn anything


but it's not true


no... I'm not okay just as I am


I do need to change


I do need to learn


I do need to look deep within


I do need to shed light on the darkness


I do need to stop the lies


and your little words of wisdom


are fucking bullshit!


So shut the fuck up!



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