Been feeling pretty uninspired,
The irony my life has been spiraling,
Taking notes about my meditations and dreams,
Going back and forth with myself 'it isnt what it seems'
Even now, writing but not feeling the words,
'How do I feel, how do I feel' no adjectives, no verbs,
To describe my daily illusion,
All the sick as fuck things ive been doing,
These thoughts and white bitches ive been consuming,
Jesus make me believe in you again,
I wanna believe my future could change if I could just see the light through you again,
These crystals around my neck are heavy but im not grounded,
Obsessing about all of the things around me,
Be mine, someone,
Ive lost my contentment,
If I dont feel another body against mine soon I might betray my commitments,
Light eyes give me hope,
I hope she never reads this,
Im an alien, on a terrace, just standing for what I believe in,
These silly words,
These silly words just giving you feeling,
I have none,
Empty but filled with so much expression,
The church would say your blessed and,
You are satan, for including your love for a woman within the same statement,
Im rambling now,
Lucifer the gardian angel of mine who wears a crown,
Send me down a blessing from the sky,
Perferrably a bitch with nice tits, pink lips, and a smile as sharp as a tooth pick,
Make her love me unconditionally even when im acting stupid,
Unconditionally even when im disillusioned...
Oh, and send me a bag of money.
Can’t there be a holiday for the lonely people?
People walking around in a daze
Makeup running down their cheeks
Reflecting on the one who slipped through their needy fingers
Or cursing their solitude
Wishing no one would have to share their quiet worthlessness
No
Instead we pile teddy bears onto shelves like shitty food onto cafeteria trays
We cram chocolate into heart shaped boxes
Packed tightly, claustrophobic
Like the air tight monogamy of a committed relationship
We buy women expensive lingerie
Only to tear it off the minute it’s in front of us
We buy overpriced cards so Hallmark
Can tell our partner how we really feel
And we do it all in the name of love,
Or at least whatever we’re calling the social contract conjoining two people
Who enjoy talking to each other almost as much as fucking
I want a national regrets day
Just some sort of terrible liquor on clearance
And a note pad where everyone can write down their mistakes
Could I finally make my friends jealous as they awe at my expansive scroll?
And what about slutty people?
Where is their holiday? (If we’re not counting Halloween)
Divorced, widowed?
I think they deserve a holiday as well.
Some people have good reason to avoid relationships
Perhaps they had the romance of the century
Until an untimely death or illness
Maybe he turned out to be a cheater
Maybe she turned out to be a he
But alas,
I get on with my point,
Valentine’s Day isn’t the celebration of real love
It’s the annual cornballathon ode to our obsessed, idealistic vision of it
Love is powerful and incredible
But it’s also brutal and gross
It has sharp elbows not found on a cuddly teddy bear
And when you celebrate love
You’re also celebrating jealousy, revenge and despair
It may be too darn starry- eyed for one to suggest we stop pretending love is anything you’d be able buy in a store
But my non- conformist, abominably angst ridden heart is unrelenting in its pursuit
Start enjoying what we really are
Not what the commercials say we should be
It's funny how attitudes change,
when people find out you are alone.
That you have no pillow to rest your head,
nor a bed to call your own.
Sometimes even family will turn their back,
and slowly look the other way.
But still somehow manage to ask you favors,
or for a cut of your pay.
But they don't care if at night,
you're frreezing before you lay on the ground.
Then when your hungry they don't care,
or hear when your starving stomach makes a sound.
But yet when all is okay,
and you have a place to live and food to eat.
They want to be the first ones to know,
and congradulate you getting on your feet.
The government doesn't seem to care either.
If they did I wouldn't be here in the first place?
And what of all these starving children,
give them a bagel and watch them stuff their face.
I know what it feels like to be "Living" Homeless,
except you can't really say you're lving, right?
When everyone gones inside and locks their doors,
and your forced to battle the weather for the night?
When no one cares what happens to you,
not the government, or family, and that's about it.
So if you ever end up "Living" Homeless,
be prepared for excuses and bullsh*t.
Intruders in the dome of geodesic pink:
Fixtures there have risen, tendrils turned from digits,
forming living chains with corruption housed in-link.
All preemptive measures have fizzled in repose;
neurons dim by proxy, the smell of sleep is known
and shared among synapses as they lapse and doze.
Every bullshit are like fires,
They hit me like a flamethrower.
Hatred grows like bubbles in a bath,
They grow bigger and bigger until they pop.
But, the fires burns on my skin so much.
My blood boils hotter until bloody bubbles are what's left of me.
All my anger and hatred filled up,
My veins are about to break and spill the blood everywhere.
It hurts so damn much...
I don't want to end up looking like Carrie
A filthy, bloodied woman just filled with hatred.
But, the pain just won't end from the fires...
Is this how I should feel?
Broken.
Bruised.
No real ties.
Reckless.
Footloose.
A mess with no real path.
Is this God after a cruel laugh?
My reputation
Considered a rebel.
Did I damn myself
Make a Deal with the Devil?
BULLSHIT
Scared of whom I have become
No clue how I got here,
where it all begun?
Desperate for love,
never found it.
Bleeding out
Roll over
Drown in it.
Looking for answers
No tears left to cry
All that's left;
Spread my wings and fly.
Or do I give up?
Bleed out and die.
Pluck all the haters
pluck all the lazy ones
pluck all thier insecurities
and chuck them in the annointed abyss
pluck all the users
pluck all the misers
pluck all the losers
and call them to account and smash their egos in
pluck all the rumours
pluck all that defiles
pluck all their foolshit
and jam it up thier hopeless selfish ends
pluck all the attacks
pluck all the misunderstanding
pluck all their false bravado
and hang them with thier ineptitude deftly
pluck all the envy
pluck all the deciet
pluck all the faker lies
and return your glance a glacier icy slice
pluck all the energy
pluck all the time
pluck all the effort
and love it gently putting it into a worthy vein
pluck all the venom
pluck all the conspiracy
pluck all the Haters
and swap all the first 2 words l's with h's read now
pluck all the last lastlines
pluck all the the last words
pluck all their meaning last to first.
and all will make sence when going back and understanding what I meant.
you're so annoying
you try to send me little words of wisdom
but they just piss me off
and make my shoulder's tight
always trying to give me
a way out of growing
"you're perfect just the way you are"
"imperfect is perfect"
"everything is as it should be"
"you don't need to change"
ugh
Yuck!
it annoys the crap out of me
how 'bout something like
be the change you want to see in the world
something that encourages growth
isn't that what you're job was supposed to be?
you who always told me I was perfect
before I ever learned a fucking thing
it would've been a lot more helpful
if I'd known I had to work
a little harder to really learn
no, I'm not some little genius
I'm not soooo good at playing the guitar
I never even fucking learned it
can't play but a couple of notes
No, I am not a great tennis player
I can just hit a few balls back and forth
but I don't know the game
I never learned that either
I am not a great artist
I never learned any technique
I never had to
cuz in your eyes
I was already perfect
so I didn't have to learn anything
but it's not true
no... I'm not okay just as I am
I do need to change
I do need to learn
I do need to look deep within
I do need to shed light on the darkness
I do need to stop the lies
and your little words of wisdom
are fucking bullshit!
So shut the fuck up!