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what I did when you weren't looking
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2022 I am the fucking cherry
that gets left on the plate
I am recreating a dirty kitchen
without making any room for reward
I have screwed up all my chances
made this home spell out the world crumble
and kicked out all the houseguests
at least the devils still here
are paying me for something
I can’t usually explain
the things that make my heart hurt
and these people have their own fucking friends
who will tell them everything is okay
they are okay
I can’t usually explain
why my heart has not taken me out to dinner
in a few decades
why my mind keeps slipping down the mountain
why I sit here with exactly what I want
still thinking up ways to make a tragedy out of it
so I publish all the gray on my desk
and leave out the color
so I keep buying clothes that don’t fit
running around in them
and being confused when the world looks strangely
so I keep going out with someone else’s face on
and forgetting it’s there
when I look in the mirror
but sigh shrug and say
at least it’s better than mine
so I sit here and set the room on fire
and when that’s not enough
I strike a match to the fire
and when other pieces of me
come in
I hear
why would you do this?
because I’m not you
