DESPAIR

Loneliness - Its True Meaning

Loneliness is despair
Loneliness is something to beware
Loneliness is the thought today
of no tomorrow

Loneliness is wishing to cry
without knowing why
Loneliness is a simple feeling
without a simple answer

Loneliness comes
Loneliness goes
Loneliness is that uninvited guest
who visits, always without a request

Loneliness is a sickness
you my friend are the cure
Together we will strengthen
and together we will endure.....

 

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Fragile

Folder: 
Volume One

 
 
 

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Fragile”

 

 

I'm lost in my own despair.

Hating everything, I just don't care

kill me now and make it fast

poison me now and make it last.

I'm no different then you or anyone

but I don't regret what I have done.

 

"I'm Dead to the world, I'm dead to you

I'm numb to the touch, without a fucking clue"

 

To me now, love is just a word

something that all my pain blurred

you did your work well, can't you tell?

How about I break it down

so you can see past this fake smiling clown.

 

"You tore my soul apart

shattering my world, shattering my heart

I built you up to be a goddess;

Beautiful and flawless

perfect in every way

perfect every day.

I was so fragile, like a rare vase

wrapped up with silk and tied with lace

when you said goodbye, I broke and cried

because on that day, I had died"

 

So here we are now, back at the beginning, back at the start.

This is where you made your mark.

 

Inside I'm rotting away

where there's nothing left but decay

a hallow fragment of what was once a soul

chiseled out like a big fucking hole

 

"I'm Dead to the world, I'm dead to you

I'm Numb to the touch, without a fucking clue

I'm a fragile vase, haunted by her beautiful face

nothing is left but decay, rotting away, for this I pay

every single day"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

(Updated; From Psycho- Confessions)

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Nothing but Despair

Folder: 
Volume One


 

 

  

 

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Nothing but Despair”

 

No more tears left to cry

dead but needing to bleed

suffering from the soul-less deed

Left with nothing but Despair

watching while you disappear

wishing for the end to come

but when it's all said and done

your left with nothing but despair

your humanity slipping away

every second of every day

chained up to the wall

struggling for every inch you call

the pain, the drain

but to no prevail

trapped in your tortured cell

you are left with despair

 

"The heart she took,

without even a look

ripping it out like an opened book

telling me I am a sin

pouring the misery in

even in the powerless stare

I'm left with nothing but despair"

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

(Updated; From Psycho- Confessions)

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Nothing Is forever

Folder: 
Volume One


 

 

 

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Nothing is Forever”

 

Nothing lasts forever

Fading away until there is nothing left

marking my pain onto this paper

making me feel that much safer

Nothing seems to last forever

my head aches for something cleaver

You strip it all away

All while you scream for it to stay

so afraid to say

"You tear at it all day"

until everything and everyone is gone

it doesn't seem to even last that long

Then your left with nothing

just hallow promises, just emptiness

Nothing lasts forever

its all just a memory

it will just disappear, because it will

Never be Forever

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

(Updated; From Psycho- Confessions)

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Thats How I knew

Folder: 
Volume One


 

 

 

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That's how I Knew”

 

 

Visions in my head

it's called the dance of the dead

decaying skin. Lets dig in

you were my only sin

I put my trust in you

tears as sweet as the morning dew

and that's how I knew

 

"It was doomed from the start

all the love you gave my heart

only to have ripped it out, when you left

like a tormenting dream it was theft"

 

those feelings you gave me I cannot get over

rotting away like a diseased four-leaf clover

I hate the way you now make me feel

hopeless for salvation, helpless to heal

are you proud at how my pain grew

and that's when I knew

 

"It was doomed from the start

all the love I gave, was from my heart

only to have you make me feel like it was a waste

as if you were a drug that had been laced"

 

Now I bleed

those feelings I want but do not need

and that's how I knew

but most of all, that's what I know

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

(Updated; from Psycho- Confessions)

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The Pain of Suicide

Folder: 
Volume One


 

 

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The Pain of Suicide”

 

 

Our hearts turning black,

there's no turning back

your hands stained red

from the blood you shed

The world is now dead

Life is but a dream, that cannot seem

draw your gun because you are dead

falling out of life

falling out of peoples memories

killing yourself for others to see

Hearing your pain, but then forgetting your sane

 

Kill yourself now,

I'll show you how

 

Forget about everyone who cares

remember all those stupid dares

and how everyone turned and stared

clear your head, Pull the trigger now

It doesn't matter, reflect on your life

 

Oh how you wish to have been a someone

But as you dream life gets harder

but you see how everyone hates you

so you want nothing more than to make them pay

oh how much you wish to say

 

"Hiding in the shadows, waiting to hear your reason why;

or how I wish to fly, to go beyond the bounds of human feelings"

 

But that doesn't matter now

Kill yourself, I'll show you how

 

Close your eyes,

all those painful memories die

Pull the hammer back, wait for the pain to take

as you begin to shake, now your life is in your hand

It's time for you to take a stand

a single tear rolling down your cheek, now on your knees.

 

 

Pray for salvation.

The gun in front of your view, if only the cure you knew.

One last look, one last touch, feeling so empty, feeling so alone

all is gone and no one home

Pick up the gun, point it to your head,

your thoughts racing through your mind

your life racing against the time

Any last words from your mouth to the open air?

 

"Life is not fair"

 

Pulling the trigger, the sound echoes through the still air

Falling towards the ground. laying in his blood..

slowly closing his eyes, as he turns his head

Now he's Dead.

 

Why God Why

"So much pain so little gain,

So much hate so little faith"

 

"Death is the only way out"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Okay figured I'd shed a little light on this poem, its been years since I wrote it yet can still remember that day.. I was going through a very rought time in my life, and I've never been strong on the idea of suicide but then who has not thought about it? That particular night I was going through a very bad depression and as it turned out I had butchered my arm in the atempt to drown out the pain I was feeling, I believe if it were not for this poem I had wrote I could have very well been hosbitalized..

 

(Updated; from Psycho- Confessions)

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Tears of Yesterday [Book Collection]

Tears of Yesterday 

 

 

Ugonna Wachuku

 

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(c) 1996: Ugonna Wachuku 

 

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Contents:


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Dedication  

 

Introduction

 

Part One:

 

Yesterday's Tears 

 

River Road 

 

Flower Landscapes 

 

Raindrops 

 

Urs Haberli 

 

Green Earth 

 

Misty Clouds 

 

Streams 

 

Rainbow 

 

I Found Love 

 

The Farmer 

 

Part Two: 

 

Chinwe 

 

First Meeting 

 

Distant Shores 

 

What does it Take? 

 

The Journey 

 

To the Ridges 

 

Ngozi  

 

Obinwanne  

 

New Day 

 

Love me Again 

 

You 

 

The Stream 

 

Part Three:

 

Streams of Love 

 

Calming the Storm 

 

Ako na Uche 

 

A heart 

 

Dreams 

 

Lonely Soul 

 

Like a River 

 

Living in the Shadows 

 

When Love Calls 

 

In your Eyes 

 

Nobody Loves Me  

 

Farxiya

 

Epilogue

 

The Author 

 

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Dedication

 

To all humankind who have ever

dared to love and care for those

of us living in the shadows in

this beautiful but hurting world!

 

Together, lets make this God-given

splendid earth a better home for

all humanity, our fellow earthly

animals, plants and environment

and our progenies!
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Introduction:
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"And now abideth faith,

hope, love; these three;

but the greatest of these

is love."

 

~1 Corinthians 13:13

 

These thirty-five poems represent a deeper part of me

which has found meaning to live and to love. They are

poems that derive great strength and inspiration from

the beauty of nature and from the humaneness of the

loving people I have come across at this period of

my life.

 

With these poems, I yearn to define humanity. I yearn,

indeed, to present some uplifting meaning to the caring

nature of the love I have always desired amongst humankind;

including my heart-felt longing to see mankind's complete

willingness to cherish and protect our earthly environment

for our survival and that of coming generations because in

loving one another, we must be courageously prepared to

protect, sustain and care for our natural environment

globally. This is an urgent task all women and men of

love and goodwill must engage in.

 

These are poems for the brotherhood and oneness of humanity.

They are poems for the realization of our oneness as dignified

human beings created in the image of God Almighty!

Herein, I have paid monumental tributes to all humankind

who have ever dared to love; even to the point of not being

loved in return - to the reality of being spited and asked

to turn the other cheek.

 

This is a special call to all of you out there who have never

dared to love to take up the pleasure and burden of love.

Arise!: Be a soulful part of this great movement seeking to

heal and make much more peaceful and loving our troubled and

tearfully hurting earth. This is a loving call of the eagle.

 

Ugonna Wachuku

March, 1996

Geneva: Switzerland

 

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Part One:
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On these far lands,

I see love.

I see despair.

Today's road is a

tearfully joyful

path to a future

unknown.

 

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1:

 

Yesterday's Tears

 

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Today, dawn breaks in

on me gradually.

I behold the glittering

sun and fading moon.

Rays follow my beaten

track. I gasp for breath

on this pathway.

A new day walks on

towards the discovered

city on sunlit abodes.

My life spreads out

like birds' wings on

the clouds.

 

Meaning yawns.

Hope beckons.

Like a river,

you begin watery care

of the earth's hunger

and thirst, just before

the eagle glides in from

our early morning mist.

A new city emerges from

the rubbles of this mind

destroyed:

 

Yesterdays's tears find

meaning in today's laughter.

The windy weather breathes life

into a soul so weak and dying.

In the breath of your heart,

streams water my beings

dry river banks.

 

A brilliance lost comes back.

The eagle in me is ready to

soar, to love and to cherish.

Today, the smile you bring

sows fertile gladness for a

heart forgotten yesterday.

 

Down the village path to life,

riddles and hope; on this road

to your soul, we behold a hero's

sun, stars and moving moon.

The rainbows assuring path

meets us on this new road.

 

My heart trails this native

nature in you. This new day

is full of dreams and hope.

This is a new day created

from soothing tears unbound.

This new day, my yearning

heart will still follow your

rainbow; your life-giving

stream-roads and sky-ways.

 

The caring and overwhelmingly

loving answer to

yesterday's tears!

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2: 

 

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River Road

 

When birds sing new

songs of hope on the

sad green earth;

when love means something

healing and uplifting

in your handsome heart;

when stars shine

at noon to herald

the name you have;

when dawn overcomes

dusk in the darkness

of fleeting life,

look for the heart

that dares;

look for this heart

that yearns to be part

of the pain from earth's

lowly people.

 

Go in search of the

love you can find.

Search for the meaning

to our dreams of oneness

and peace because you are

this new beginning for the

earth's green hope.

 

Let our hearts be together

on this voyage to the other

side of the sea's sentiment

for life.

 

Lead us to this life of

hope and love for the

earth's yearning poor.

Lead us to the fulfilling

and bountiful river of

found love and care -

this river road to life

unchained...

 

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3:

 

Flower Landscapes
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Flower landscapes fill

the beauty and refreshing

nature in your being.

Native stories are told

on the beach and you

glitter like the moon

on blue shores.

 

I follow these blue

shores scattered all

over the earth's bossom.

And in my being, a living

light brightens.

 

What other pathways and

dreams can fill my days

and hopes as we try to

find life's breath on

these welcoming,

breath-taking highlands

with flower landscapes?

 

The beauty you left on

the last bridge opens

a new world olf inspiration

and survival for the poor

soul in me. I find your

mothering gateway to the

end of our sorrow.

 

Part of this sorrow

ends with you; yet,

your blue clouds never

depart from us.

 

Teach me anew then.

Let me be part of this

sprouting hope and smile-

this love never giver given.

 

Aha! While we wait for the

beginning, let these flower

landscapes come to you.

Let them begin a treasured

song for the hopeless.

 

Let theses flower landscapes

come to you and to me.

Let the light come.

 

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4:

 

Raindrops
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Raindrops.

Waterways.

Windy tears trail my

path on this way to

the land.

 

A shrill cry jolts

my memory back to the

reality of a hurting

world.

 

I see far away palm

fronds on earth's

fading beauty through

your holding heart.

 

Warmness never experienced

covers this vision of

a yearning in me.

This yearning lingers

on you as it winds

its weary way through

the lost land.

 

I walk this land slowly.

I wait to see new moons

emerge from shambles of

lost hope:

 

I met you in the hall.

Eyes walked to the table.

Our hands waited for dawn.

All through the day,

I waited for your

merciful meaning.

I waited for hope

in life; for your

name's caring nature. 

 

I waited for your love

and hope-filled smiles

on lawns so green:

Raindrops.

 

Waterways.

Windy tears trail my

path - this path to life

and love born anew on far

away lands and longings.

I wait with hope. 

 

I wait with the

brilliant birds' beauty.

I honestly yearn for

your raindrops on waterways

of home and today.

 

Will you, indeed, trail

these tears - these

numerous despair in life?

 

Will your raindrops and

waterways float us into

green pastures and meadow

sea shores?

 

Raindrops!

Waterways! 

::::::: 

::::::: 

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From my long-hand manuscript collection: 

Tears of Yesterday 

(c) Ugonna Wachuku 

Geneva: Switzerland: 1996 

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