Alienate Beloved


There is silence in the world

Since we didn't said farewell;

And your beauty with an alien speech

An alien tale would tell.


There is silence in the world,

Which is not peace nor quiet;

Nyarlathotep; a golden heart

Ever I seek to flee therefrom,

While I belong with Thee,

And walk the ways of the riot.


But when I hear the music moan

In rooms of thronging laughter,

A serpent-tongued demon drives me forth,

And silence follows after.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A love poem for Nyarlathotep.

Bag Babies


I was seated in a car,

but we weren’t driving.

Mysterious man with me,

Alhireth-Hotep; I suspect Thee.


Bags were on the road,

Babies popped out.

Yes, my mind is weird

but it makes me proud.


I stepped out of the car,

this I had to see!

But a black man with a gun,

was halting me.


I tried to ignore at best,

I had to take the babies

away from this evil man,

and I looked at the bag;

another popped out!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

(A dream I had).

To my darkest fear

In days of dark I dream of loneliness
In the light, I see her face.
Time moves slowly then,
But is limited, yet.

The thought is etched into me
Like a witch's curse
Her voice, though it calls,
When will it dim?

I awake to tired pictures,
To videos and notes that bleed.
I recall the times we had
And I see the light, once again.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Hello anyone listening, i'd like to tell a short story followed by a short poem. As much as it pains me to seem like your average young poet writer, I am an 18 year old man, and have suffered with many issues since I was a child. I have isolated myself from others, I wish to always be alone. I work a dead end job to make ends meet, I do not talk to employees, and they seem to enjoy it that way. I recently talked to a girl, she was nice, but it was clear she was different than the other faces I come across everyday, meaningless and odd as they seem. She seemed unhappy, though it was clear she wanted to seem otherwise. We talked, and though we have never said a word about it, we both have a similar outlook on life, we both disregard other people and similarly, don't seem able to understand ourselves despite it. But we understand each other. We both make sense to the alternate. I know I sound painfully like a child in love, trying to make sense of nonsense, but this feeling is meaningful to me. I don't mean to share my life story or anything, but lately, I wonder what is to become of us, and it has worried me. My dreams are unconventional, I see her beauty masked by the grip of death and darkness veiling her body, and i've turned to art to help me explain the reality of this to myself. Poetry has made me see the light in death, and unravel its' mysteries and monstrosities, so I wanted to write something, to give back to an art form which has graced my life, and to share it with the few that shall take the time to read and understand what I am trying to say. I don't do this for attention or fame, even the fun of it is in question of absolute, but it calms me, and I love to hear the stories of people with similar experience.

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I Love You

She said it everyday, 

   She thought they were

   On the same page. 


He was there with her. 

   Two long years,

   He thought she thought the same. 


Even if they talked everyday, 

   Those words mean different 

   To the both of them. 


"I Love You" they both said. 




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I Am Your Guide: Dream: September 22, 2013

I was riding a bike through a field of grass.. 


The grass was short and really green. It was sunny and beautiful outside... 


I came upon a big, silver, windmill and a small, red, barn. I got off of my bike and walked it the rest of the way to the windmill..


Then, I saw my husband, Jeff, sitting next to the windmill..


I sat down next to him and we chatted for a little bit, but I can't remember what we talked about..


I then asked him if I was dreaming..


Jeff said: "Yes, you are dreaming... I am your Guide to the next reality or dimension that you will choose to enter."


Then, I asked: "How do I know what dimension to enter?"


He then told me to look ahead and so I did..


When, I looked ahead all that I saw was the field of short, green, grass that seemed to go on forever and a bright sun hovering in the sky..


I told him that I was confused and he told me to "Look Closer".


So, I looked ahead again..


That's when I saw it... The other dimensions flashed before my eyes..


First, there was the green grass field.


Then, it morphed into a huge and endless, dark blue lake and it was night time and the huge, bright, moon was hovering over the lake.. I could see the moonlight shinning onto the lake..


Then, it morphed into a smaller lake with muddy, green and brown, grass behind it and it was almost light out. Thus, the sun was now starting to rise..


Then, it morphed into a dark and gloomy, black-top, road that seemed to be a road that was in the middle of nowhere and it seemed like it would go on forever.. 


There was also a huge puddle in the road and on both sides of the road there was muddy, dark green and brown, grass. It was also pouring down rain...


Then, that morphed into a less gloomy, black-top road, and the sun was out, shining brightly.. 


There was now a tiny puddle on the side of the road and the road was only a little wet... 


On both sides of the road the grass was bright green and moist with dew..


I then told Jeff that I wanted to go into that dimension, and he said: "Okay"


I asked him for a ride because I didn't want to walk or ride my bike down the road because it looked like it would go on for a long time and it was starting to get hot outside..


Jeff said: "Yes" and then a car appeared..


We got into the car and started driving down the road..


It was so sunny out and as I looked out of the car windows, all I saw ahead was the endless road.. 


When I looked out the driver's and passenger seat windows, all that I saw was a bright green, and grassy, field on both sides.


I rolled down my window and I could feel the wind in my hair..


Then, I looked at Jeff and he was focused on driving down the road and he didn't look back at me..


It was then that I finally woke up. 


It was a strange dream but it was very vivid and detailed. 


It also seemed very real...

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Spirit Whale


From nothing there came to be a whale made of light at my open palm. The furthest tip of his great, glowing fin followed the shaky rising and falling of my forearm. I stood, poised in some absurd pose; my free hand dangling at level with my thigh. For a moment, thought eluded me.



He was disinterested in moving, though he whined all the same. A sound bellowed from him that was like a thousand trains braking simultaneously. It washed over me, and my hearing failed. My vision blurred but my legs retained their strength. I closed my eyes.



Releasing all the breath I had been holding back these last moments; I sighed and pulled my arm from the air. Before my first backward step touched down I was blasted by a sudden and massive gust of air. As I tumbled down, I caught brief sight of the whale's back end – his fin rising and falling with an unexpected and vibrant ferocity.



I twisted my body as best I could while airborne and landed with a jarring thud on the grass, rolling side-over-side before settling gracelessly in a fetal position at the base of the hill. Pain flared in my chest and upper back, and I waited for the air to return to my lungs. The ground shook and quaked beneath me. From over the crest of the hill I could see a wavering blue light, fading slowly with each passing moment. The whale gave its shrill cry, but its distance gave it a shimmering, almost ethereal quality.






I coughed, throat both dry and hoarse. No serious pain. I could walk, I was sure of it. So I tried.


I lifted my right arm and planted my hand on the ground, pressing into my knee and forcing my body upright. Each exertion brought additional aches, but none of them felt debilitating. Once at my feet, I began a slow, trudging march up the sloping hillside. Its peak overlooked a small canyon; thin at its middle but stretching for miles in both directions. The floor of this canyon was riddled with the bones of wayward men and wandering creatures.



On the other side of this treacherous rift in the land, there stood an altar to a legendary dark lord. Though said to only be a fairly tale, some believe the dark lord once existed, and that his spirit will still commune with worthy disciples. Some, like the nefarious priest Izak'Yami, even wished to summon the spirit and give him physical form, so that he may rule over the planet – and so that darkness may reign over light, forever. He was said to be crazy, and was cast out of his village for preaching the word of his blasphemous deity.



In front of the altar, Izak'Yami chanted with the whites of his eyes flaring from beneath his ceremonial hood. A ring of swirling gray clouds had formed over the chiseled obelisk as the haggard priest threw his hands towards the sky, uttering words unknown to humankind, save for Izak'Yami himself. Thunder rolled from the halo of storm clouds growing fatter and blacker over his head.



All seemed lost.



Each clumsy step I made shook my vision as I clambered towards the cliff's edge. I felt tired, hungry, empty; running on fumes and absentminded determination to see what would transpire across the canyon way. A silky, singsong voice unfolded in my head and spoke;


“Fear not, Ken. This is what I was meant to do. This is the only thing I can do.”



I felt tears sting my eyes, and I replied, my thoughts quickly spilling into frantic words;



“Spirit Whale, NO! You don't have to do this! We can find you something else! I know we can!” I cried out to him, feeling his presence shrinking away. I tried to increase my pace, but my body was giving in to exhaustion. If I pushed myself too hard, my legs might give out – leaving me stranded to helplessly look on as the world became ruled by shadows. Forever.



“There's nothing else, Ken – let's not kid each other. I've looked and looked; online, in person, even dialing random numbers from the yellow pages like some kind of stalker with short-term memory loss. I'm a Spirit Whale, Ken. I don't even have any hands.”



I felt the corners of my mouth draw down. I tried to sound concerned instead of annoyed;



“You didn't even contact the lady from that temp. office I told you about last month! She got me my job at the office, and you didn't even call her! YOU DIDN'T CALL HER, SPIRIT WHALE!”



I sobbed and snorted, at last coming level with the crest of the hill. Far into the distance I spotted a flickering blue light, gliding at high speed as its massive tail fin rose and fell in steady, glacial sweeps. I heard the echo of its cry bounding against the cliff sides that spanned between us.



Its husky and thunderous voice exploded into my thoughts;



“I DON'T HAVE ANY GOD DAMN HANDS, KEEEEEN. WHAT WOULD THEY NEED ME FOR AT AN OFFICE, KEEEEEEEEN? KEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....” The droning of the Spirit Whale's inner voice was like a loose propeller blade in my skull. I gritted my teeth and squinted against its simpering excuses as it rushed to meet the horizon, valiantly seeking to prevent eternal suffering for all of mankind. Forever.



A great and poisonous storm was gathering in the sky over the dark lord's altar. Even at my distance, I could see it growing and undulating and piling over top of itself. If Spirit Whale could not carry himself to the dark lord's altar in time, all would be lost.


All would be lost. Forever.



“Is that why, Spirit Whale? Is that why you NEVER did anything in return for all the time I let you stay in my tub? I STUCK UP FOR YOU! When Claire tried to get me to kick you out, I said 'Hell no!' I said it for you, Spirit Whale! I SAID IT FOR YOU!”



A column of white light erupted from the ground at the base of the altar.



Faintly, I could hear a frightening sound, steadily growing in volume. It grew to a terrifying clatter as the ground beneath me rumbled and pulsed violently. A shockwave of force passed over and through me, flattening my damaged body and pressing me into the shifting, gurgling dirt below. I felt the flesh on my cheeks ripple comically, as if I had been sat in front of a giant fan and strapped to a folding chair. My eyelids seemed to flutter with each wave of pressure.






I saw the sky in uproar over me. Colors ran through it like living segments of a rainbow, straying away from their formation. Lights of every perceivable color flared and dimmed spontaneously, while entire sections of the stratosphere erupted into intricate, swirling patterns that upon second glance were not actually patterns at all. There seemed to be a million new forms of life interacting with each other between earth and heaven, and now they danced as if celebrating their liberation from whatever had concealed them.



But I could not marvel, for my thoughts stayed with the Spirit Whale, as he made his noble bid for man's continued survival.






The ground ceased its shuddering. I my felt torso inflating with a hundred bruised and inflamed muscles. My face was wet with tears and smeared with uprooted dirt.



A strange warmth settled over me like an invisible blanket. I forced my eyes to open and saw the chaos unfolding just over my sprawled frame. The streaking colors bled and left swathes of themselves behind, the lights grew chaotic and searing in their brightness, and the mystifying shapes shattered apart, throwing pointed shards in all directions. I felt a sweeping sense of awe instill itself in me. My eyes grew wide, glossy, and unfocused.



Through my trance-like state, I heard Spirit Whale call out in his final moments;



“KEEEEEEEEN. ALL THIS TIME TOGETHER – ALL THE ADVENTURES WE WENT ON AS A DUO... I THOUGHT YOU WOULD LEARN TO UNDERSTAND, KEEEEEEEEEN...” The Spirit Whale cried forlornly. His inner voice was growing softer – it seemed to swirl inside of my consciousness, as if trying desperately to grab hold somewhere. I shook my head from left to right.



“What, Spirit Whale? What did you think I would understand!?”



I felt his presence in my mind weaken and dim; heard his hoarse inner breathing, and was given pause, wondering why he would need to br-






A bubble of light and warmth broke inside of me, flooding from my gut into my extremities. I let the last of my tears drip from the corners of my eyes. I sighed dejectedly, feeling stale dirt exit from my nostrils. With what remained of my strength, I cried out to my oldest companion and friend;






Through my fading vision I could see the sky becoming clear and returning to its typical, boring shade of blue. There were no clouds to block my ailing view of it.



Darkness had been quashed by the Spirit Whale, who cried out, as he faded into oblivion;







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Hungry Mook

My eggshell cracked on the edge of the pan

after being handed from the car door

to the floor that seemed to be retreating

and rapidly receding, only to

appear again, only closer this time.

Where I expected sizzle I had rain

that pooled in the recesses made for grease.

There I proposed a treatise to myself:

never settle for breakfast when promised

a safe ride from the drop-off point to home;

at least not before the bacon arrives.

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ALT (Tapping Distilled Unconsciousness in Search of Something Conventionally Pretty)

In vain I projected mine to yours -

polygonal waves came out to gush,

turning all substantial things to dust

that could've been used to bridge from me

to you.

What rhythms we'd created.

Now, when the land failed to stay, I walked

on the air as it turned to pixels;

fraying and then clumping in patterns

that were so precise, but couldn't be.

In a convulsive sequence they lit

and were so inviting and eager

for an unexpected step that feels


familiar - Resonating.

Eventually they forced me to dance

in order to proceed and survive.

But I didn't mind. A presence came

to accompany me in tandem,

mastering me in grace while never

showing its face.



Author's Notes/Comments: 

I deleted a post earlier today with a title nearly identical to this one. The post wasn't worth keeping but the title was.

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Heavy Beast O' Burden

Through these two threadbare, knuckle-beaten gaps,

blood is called for and received by the hide

of a quadriplegic beast I have trapped

and strung up firm at about shoulder's height.

Its sway, attuned to leisure and to force,

is rhythmically accompanied by

a rattle - like the chewing of a horse;

one with metal teeth and black, vacant eyes.

Its purpose is assured with each thrown fist.


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