The Histrionics of Callisthenics




Drop down quick and kiss the floor,



Jump up fast, You're stayin' Alive!



Wreck your hamstrings on Can-Can kicks,



Now you can't weight bear on your left knee,



Your heart beat 's jerkin' at an awful rate,



Your fit bit squeals out a flat-line,



You admit sweating hard is just for men!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

for the challenge callisthenics

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Cunts in Clogs

Queer, and Canned--

Cluck, cluck, cluck

Come on Computers


The exercise fad

I don’t consider myself a ‘nut’ but every day when I arise

I like to get my morning started with a little exercise.


I was part of the national running craze… I’d run over hill and dale and bluff

Until one day my knees (pretty important parts) decided they’d had enough.


Over the years it’s been my goal to stay healthy, happy and strong

But oftentimes when I turn on the TV only I find out I’m doing it wrong.


TV is filled with infomercials and celebrities doing all kind of ads

Telling me they have the key to good health…if only I’d buy their fad.


Though I am a 60 year old man who has exercised most of my years

The only ‘6-packs- I’ve ever had were filled with cola, toilet paper or beer.


I think it was sometime in the ‘80’s when I tried 8 minute Abs

Well its 21 million minutes later and I still have a layer of flab.


The sauna suit I was assured would make me feel better than muscatel

Would have worked if not for all that sweating…not to mention the horrible smell.



Now I’m not usually one to criticize and I certainly don’t like to pout

I had no trouble getting into Tony Little’s Gazelle but a hell-of-a time getting out.


I even tried Sweatn to the Oldies- Richard Simmons was my biggest supporter

But I had to stop when I couldn’t stop thinking, “Could those pants of his get any shorter?”


There was a time when the country and I with Tae Bo was enthralled

Who knew with a couple of kicks you could put a hole in the living room wall!


My toning shoes remain in my closet not only did I look like a clown

But walking in them proved problematic as I couldn’t stop falling down.


Did you know the thigh master was marketed by the man who sold us the mood ring?

Truthfully, if it wasn’t for Suzanne Sommers I would have never purchased that thing!


Some fads are even laughable and bordering on the obscene

If you’ve ever watched those ‘shake weight’ commercials I think you know what I mean.


When Deborah talked about Zumba I couldn’t be happier with my spouse

FYI… the Zumba is not a machine that robotically cleans your house!



Piloxing is one exercise I’ve never tried as a way of losing my fat.

‘Cause when Pilates meets up with boxing-nothing good can come out of that!


Yoga was to be physical and mental and give you a spiritual feeling

But today you can do it by swinging your baby or hanging from the ceiling.


Just when you’ve had enough and you think you’ll go stark raving mad

You open a magazine or turn on the tube and there’s another exercise fad.


We are bombarded with these programs and we don’t know which one to do

Physique 57… P-90 X…and Cross-Fit to name a few.


It’s funny but after 60 years of all the hype, the celebrities and the talk

The best advice is still to watch what we eat and go for a daily walk.


Hmmm…a healthy diet and walking beats any fad you might see on TV.

Hey wait I’ll have to get back to you… is that an ad for Insanity?


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Heavy Beast O' Burden

Through these two threadbare, knuckle-beaten gaps,

blood is called for and received by the hide

of a quadriplegic beast I have trapped

and strung up firm at about shoulder's height.

Its sway, attuned to leisure and to force,

is rhythmically accompanied by

a rattle - like the chewing of a horse;

one with metal teeth and black, vacant eyes.

Its purpose is assured with each thrown fist.


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Sonnet #1 - Words to live by

Do stop the things you do at this here time
there's something more important you must do
your thoughts on other matters put behind
your thoughts on any matter you must lose

this simple step you must never forget
to breathe so slow and deep your lungs are filled
the earth's fresh air to enter, you must let
for worry, pain and fear to have been killed

Now go speed up your heart in healthy ways
your body young and fresh is best to keep
do savor every moment of your days
and seldom burden yourself with much sleep

Ben Franklin said these words that you must save
there will be enough sleeping in the grave

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just getting into poetry and decided to try writing my first sonnet. Fun.