Too Loud (January day 3)

this music is too loud

I can’t see the road

can’t see the road

can’t see where you want to go


my five senses are

too much and not enough

I love you how you’ve always been loved

and I can’t find a way out


I mold them into madness

all the faces in the street

so I am less than I could be

but more than you think


and I mix the music

with all the things in the pantry

and I am empty

but it is so



Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 1/3/21

Faces in the street

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Think twice~

Overthinking, sinking, falling, crawling.. damned.. 

why am I stuck in this abysmal black quicksand..? are we nothing but a pitiful man..?

I know you don't appreciate this form of expression...

but my life isn't over until i've learned each of the lessons.


drained, crippling, cracking & hyperventilating..

pathetic vacant melting disgrace..

I can see the smile wearing off your face..

hot wax spilled into my eyes today..

part of me knows better, then to believe in such a mundane reality.. 

there's much greater sights to see, in my 8 dimensional fantasy.


Slit, slice.. need to free myself from this vice. 

we all need to constantly think twice.. I wish you were still around..

wish you could be a healthy piece to my life, but I had to try & make the right choice... 

you bare that empty stare.. like a glare..

were you ever really there..?

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Twisted reality & a wounded love

Realities twisted, lying through your every day lives, seeping in your eyes...

fusion in their very own true colors...

our skin is dead.. the heart is greatest the vessel.

my brain is on overload.. nothing stays in tune. 

Forever packaged in your box of perfect calamity. misery hate's herself, but loves her company..

shadowed by death & the light is to conceal the darkness.

water flows inside us, like our waves of emotions..
Ocean of life, the constant misty rain to trickle despair,

the sand to hold us together & bury the fear sunken beneath it..

I won't ever know if you really love me.

Your mind is almost always ingested with shit.. & then you go & feed it.

although fantasy is my favorite belief, I don't want to be the plaque on your mildly yellowed teeth..

I don't want to be that needle in your arm...

I do wish I could free you from "your reality" of pain..

i'd like to take you on an adventure far away with me.. somewhere we'd both be free.
because in the end I think I know I can ignore & re-create parts of reality to where I need it to be.

I hope one day you'll be able to comprehend that state of freedom mentally.. 

I don't expect automatic acceptance. I know everything is a test..

sometimes, or for the most part, it could make everything seem worthless..

I try my best not to fall on my face.. I live for spiritual feat.

but if what I live for isn't on this earth too, then why is my body here to begin with...?

I feel physically unnecessary.

everything here now just ends up what used to be... i'm not sure if it mean's anything to me..

I miss so many people every second, every passing day... it's like each day is a bigger loss then the one before.

but I guess the soul could just be a gaping black empty growing hole..
Don't get me wrong. I entrust positivity.. but this pain is buried within my identity.

a lot of the time when you'll try so hard to fly... you will end up falling..

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Oct. 2012. 

Glass Jar

trapped in a delicate glass jar,
cramped with no holes to breathe.

overbearingly and unceasingly,
the walls are quickly closing in.


i am struggling
and if i scream,
i will find myself swimming
in a sea of broken glass.


i hate to admit
until my duties are completed
i will be dreaming of clear skies
and fresh air
as i'm spiraling down these depths
of despair.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

this is just something i distracted myself with during class. it's about the stress of school, and how i always let the work pile up until i can't spare another minute avoiding it anymore

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My thoughts inside my head are yelling out in frustration

I am overwhelmed with so many emotions,

so much back and forth

I feel happy yet I'm sad

laughing yet crying

focused yet hazy.

It seems as if a blind has been shut around

my eyes and I'm lost in the dark.

My mind and sense tells me to be calm

and I know I am safe

But I turn around

I'm thrown into another path of uncertianty.

I want to be walking down the path of

happiness, enlightenment and grace

yet I feel unable to do so.

I feel lost and alone

and in pain of unimaginable grasp.

Freedom is what I seek

but a prison is what I've found.



Jun. 10/10

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