# addiction #hurt #betrayal # disappointment# life # heart # truth # suffering # sadness # pain # happiness # empty # mistakes # fate # time # difference # madness # theone # learninglove #dreams # poetry # longing #prison # chained # renewal # survivo

Present

Present


Times past bear no truths but your own,


Times ahead are already gone,


In the moments we exist,


 

Are the moments we've missed.


Author's Notes/Comments: 

Only the real

'' I'm Still A Human Being ''

I started out at aged eleven,

By drinking a bottle of wine,

It made me really nauseous,

That should have been a sign.

 

I then tried a cigarette,

 What type, I had my pick,

It didn't matter what it was,

It made me feel real sick.

 

I drank and smoked for many years,

And sometimes wondered why,

I never knew it’d end in tears,

Now I watch as others cry.

 

I went out to a wedding bash,

My mate said try a spliff

He said it's not a drug it’s hash,

Go on have a whiff.

 

Suddenly I felt at ease,

I really felt quite cooked,

Now he said try one of these,

It really got me hooked.

 

After weeks of trying,

 I had to have more blow,

The thought of not supplying,

I didn’t want to know.

 

Family and friends concerned,

Said this habit must stop now,

Lessons I never learned,

Even when I knew how.

 

Five years on addicted,

To both drugs and alcohol,

With pain I’m now inflicted,

Am I heading for a fall.

 

While lying in my bed,

I hear a thousand voices,

They’re talking in my head,

Telling me I have choices.

 

I told my mate I’m frightened,

He said throw it in the bin,

I’ll get your high heightened,

Let’s smoke some heroin.

 

He said it wouldn't harm,

It's just not as restrictive,

He then turned on the charm,

By claiming it's not addictive.

 

I tried it for a little while,

Then it lost its essence,

It then became rank and file,

This drug had lost its presence.

 

I tried some pills and some coke,

 I liked them all a bit,

None of them really spoke,

I then searched for the ultimate hit.

 

My mate said there’s another type,

I know it'll make you cringe,

Don’t dare listen to the hype,

This is taken by syringe.

 

By this time, I didn't care,

 I told him get me some,

He fully knew it wasn’t fair,

But I was acting dumb.

 

Now I’d kill to get that feeling,

Quite literally in fact,

By begging and by stealing,

From reality I detract.

 

My body's full of sores,

Now my organs are infected,

All because of scores,

From drugs that I injected.

 

The first time that you try it,

 You’ll get the ultimate score,

Thereafter when you buy it,

You won't get any more.

 

I've lost my children and my wife,

My father and my mother,

My home my job my entire life,

Yet still the facts I smother.

 

I've lost my mates to drugs before,

A lot not just a few,

Though it hurts you to the core,

It will never happen to you.

 

Addiction spreads far and wide,

It has a terrible effect,

From reality you cannot hide,

You can’t live in retrospect.

 

I'll never blame another soul,

 I’m guilty of self-abuse,

Yes, it’s me who lost control,

The effects have been profuse.

 

If you're ever offered drugs,

 Do put up a fight,

In reality they are for mugs,

Keep sanity in sight.

 

Regardless of the way I look,

I see my life and cry,

The life that I have undertook,

Means still, I want that high.

 

Next time you look down on me,

This much I know is true,

You may not like what you see,

But, do think, this could be you.

 

Circumstances can bring change,

So, try not to be all seeing,

Though what I’m doing does derange,

 

 

‘’ I’m Still A Human Being ‘’

Love, In Love, Lust, Fate

Love, In Love, Lust, Fate

 

You think you’ve met your soulmate

Believe it with your whole heart and soul that it is fate

The more time you spend together

The more you convince yourself that THIS is forever

 

Do we know the difference between love, in love, lust and fate?

Most of us, it’s more like an obsession which we realize far too late

In love is butterflies, love is a soul connection which never dies

Fate is destiny, it is what is supposed to be, reality, but some believe otherwise

 

You believe you are in love

The signs are all so clear, how can it not be anything else but sent from above?

Everything seems so clear, you dismiss all fear

Because your love is near, and dear, and will never disappear

 

Do we really know the difference between love, in love, lust and fate?

Why then can Love turn so easily into hate?

Lust into disgust

And fate into something we eventually distrust

 

But the pain, once you realise that you’re the only one in love

The pain, once you realise that it was never sent from above

The pain to learn that your ‘’soulmate’s’’ heart lies with someone else

The pain to awaken to that you are simply not loved.. your heart just crumbles and melts

 

Is it possible for your ‘’believed’’ soulmate to have fallen in love with his stepdaughter while married to her mother?

Is there any possibility that he could be not only obsessed with her, but actually in love with her?

I saw it, I had a vision, it was crystal clear, that his heart and soul was there

Does he know it? Would he ever?  Is he even aware that he loves her beyond just ‘’care’’

 

Do we really know the difference between love, in love, lust and fate?

Confused between caring, love for family and friends, romance love? Can anyone relate?

Confusion between lust, obsession and love

Or once the truth is revealed it’s far too late

 

Are you in love with your stepdaughter?

Is my soulmate, the one I believed I loved obsessed and truly in love with her?

Daydreaming about her, stalker her, admiring her beauty in pictures continually

Am I wrong to wonder? Will I be crucified when I ask for the truth? Will he even know? Not really….

 

Love, In Love, Lust and Fate.. scary thought to realize the truth only too late

 

 

One

Verse 1:
Every breath you take,

I watch you slip

Further away into death.

Are you still measuring

The tears you've shed?

 

Chorus:
Maybe, you wake up

Drenched in sweat.

Is your conscience

Crawling on the floor?

Are you okay?
'Cause I understand.

 

Verse 2:
'Cause time ticks away

At every breath you take.

No one knows your story

Or why you're here.

You'd keep walking without

A road or a choice back.

 

Bridge:
You are the one.

When I was wandering

Between life and death,

You held out your hands for me.

 

Last-Chorus:
Do you have scars?

Do you have wounds?

Are you counting the breaths you take?

You are the one.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Inspired by the Korean Hip-Hop song: "One" by Epik High.

Who am I?

Who am I?
 
A confident soul, with a long bitter past that has torn me to pieces... A giver for good yet a taker for disappointments... I have never had expectations of another soul... Who had no soul.. Yet I was displeased. 
I was drained, defeated, used and betrayed.. And I am still standing.. The only thing that changed in that confident soul of mine; I was no longer confident! 
 
Who am I?
 
A smart woman, who is completely insane... I have crossed the paths of life yet made Foolish volitions... Choices suited the surrounded, yet demolished me. Collapsed in the throes of my agony! I was smarted for my foolishness. And I'm smart to admit I deserved it!
 
Who am I?
 
A vivacious diva, who cares more, yet  cares less! A growing Solicitude about others, yet  disregarded self! An attractive, pretty in the eyes of others; self neglected in the eyes of mine. A lifeless heart that is still beating. An obsolete brain that is still reasoning. Conflicted and uncertain..
 
Who am I?
 
Somebody that will never alter, someone who will never recast.. Someone who will keep making the same mistakes..
An anguished, regretful, sorrowed.. 
Brutish and ignorant who chose to survive with her growing afflictions.
 
Who am I?
 
I am my solitude, my loneliness and my despair. My longing, my happiness and my mistakes; I declare.. I am my own enemy, a foe a friend.. I am a fantasy, a dream an ecstasy and a nightmare... 
 
 It doesn't matter who I am.. Or who I used to be.. Or even who will I become.. What really matters is the path I'm taking... By the end of this road, would I still be standing? Or would I be forsaken, woeful as I'm standing there? 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

It truly describes me ...

Attempt with no Result

 

"He though he could seal my wounds with a single band-aid, but he was too lovestruck to realize my
cuts were too deep to take care of with a piece of plastic, and no one could reach that deep inside my
heart to fix the scars that laid beneath it anyway"

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A short poem with no periods until the end i wrote a while ago, I'd love to get feedback (:

Blessed before Meth

 

Production, proficiency, 

timing, delivery

New fuel to inspire me

 

Energized, tired eyes 

Dumbfuck-had too many tries 

 

Reminisce, Visualize. 

My own mistakes, I scrutinize

While pain penetrates & pries

Equivalent exchange: 

one lives while another dies

 

Losing sleep&mental peace 

Imagining what would be

my newborns baby feet

Taylor's eyes&her teeth

My hair& pink cheeks 

 

Perplexed, sad, I'm ashamed

Self destructive- poisoned brain

Life may fuck you, mine ran a train

 

Words ebbed before they flowed 

She was unhappy & he didn't know-

Memories made, none to make.

vision blurry I need to

hurry

Myself and my addiction I hold to blame. 

Endless cycle? Or can I change? 

Life was better 

before meth came.

 

 

    -Dalmata Araña

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Lost everything and every one in the last 7 months of my addiction and wrote this with the inspiration it brought me. My girlfriend of 4 years, was pregnant with our baby and we were engaged. Then she miscarried and her feelings changed. Two weeks before the wedding she realized her worth and left my ass. I'll always love you Taylor hope you know the words

echo in my head that I could never say. You've changed my happy

place to a memory, a smile, & chocolate raspberry cake taste. Never underest the Joy a summer fling could bring. 

Image

I look at her.

She's beautiful.

Love me.

She says to me. 

Love me,

You must love me. 

I can't exist, if not for you.

My vision blurs.

She's with someone else.

Oh no!

This can't be happening!

I see her now,

With clarity,

She's beautiful.

I do love you. 

You're wondereful.

You're everything to me.

Pain

A sharp dagger with the strongest alloy and it's very sharp edge has impact me through my chest don't really feel bless but an awful mess. Less and less I think about me and become hopeless. Kill the will that fill with joy and happiness looking like is this happen feeling the energy it was fantastic. At last seem the meek and annihilate peace. Geez when will this sleep in kosher. I saw the knife come at me with the blade that said pain written on it. I was convinced that this is it I been dodging it for my whole life but fight lost and cost is my body and my soul. I feel cold the horror that trigger my heart that start and the blade that pierce my chest. I must confess I miss the things I can hold on for dear life and not fall for one second. I reckon I never check it like my life gave me more lesson. Yes I finish the sentence. I fallen to the pain from an unknown trace because I was trap and I couldn't rely on that place where snake can feast screaming please let me be. Got lost in my thoughts and got hit by a deep. Crazy how I just leap into air and have fear. Stare up in the air as I can see heaven's gates but I wasn't ready. Seriously was merry to see wonder the joy strike me like thunder and lighting. But as I fall back to my destination I land back hit on the ground and pain came with it and again is stuck in my chest the disaster all my heart was after I don't want it anymore but pain has a mind of its own and never leave alone. Lord free me from this evil cause pain is lethal.