love poems

I’m confused

How can the word love,

Be  used?

Is it by willing,

Or telling,

Or just clicking on the keyboard

being abused?

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She told me she met this wonderful man
“he’ll take care of us”.
I later met this man
I wasn’t a fan

His name was Wayne.
He brought a lot of pain. Don’t know how I wasn’t slain
He seemed like a nice guy at first
But that was just a curse, I would soon pray for a nurse

Cursed. my mother wasn’t home.
He threw me to the ground,
Kicked me around
Round and round till he would use his 400 pounds

Break all my toys like a hound. I was abused, bruised, leftovers and I was told I loosed.
Religion was used. Careful not to blow his fuse
Brought down Emotionally ,
I couldn’t take it physically,

Felt like I was screwed mentally
He got to both our heads
we were used
What is true? Are you? I still cant believe I grew

Enraged. I would never be waged
They were past engaged. All those lawns for his pocket.
I wasn’t even tabbed
Grabbed a screw driver and stabbed my mother with it.  

That night before my first day of 7th grade
They walked into my room with a bucket and a broom
Demanding to know what I was hidin.
Acting like I had shrooms or somethin

Stored them in the garage
Had to be a mirage.
Sneak and pray I wouldn’t get barraged
Close to death row. Began thinking my mom was a hoe

take some of the toys back.
Take em off the rack
Hopefully he wouldn’t find a track back to me
But I wasn’t going to slack.

After I took my meds I would give them to  kinzie
Who would throw me in a frenzy
Treat me as a friend but would make me dizzy
I stuffed a few in my shoes. I would get a bruise

It would cause a ruse. Id be taken on a fist filled cruise
If I couldn’t use them other people could.
I was forced to attend church. Wearing a bunch of Good Will merch
and take notes on what the pastor chirped as he was pirched

Every Morning was way too boring
The rain outside was pouring
Read the bible out loud.
Wish I could be touring

Wish I had a talent but I am sitting here mourning
Im not even dead. But I wake up depressed in the morning
Every Afternoon. Shame. Forced on my knees  
I was the one to take the blame

pray to a god I didn’t believe in
Only thing that came
Was the thought of future fame
Dinner was always dramatic

An extra roll of bread made me ecstatic
His talk was always erratic
I wish I could cry in my attic
listen to him complain

I knew he was insane
Where are you kinz?
I thought you promised to keep me away from the pain
Multiple nights I banged my head

Against the wall to be dead
Wrote a letter to her
overdosing on asprin, couldn’t crush my skull
Fuck it  I paid my tull

Grab a clothes hanger.
Get the closet poll
Fell to the floor.
Couldn’t break my neck

I only knew danger.
My friends left me cause I was getting stranger
I was a stranger. Jesus was never in a manger.
found out the banging was me,

found my letter and
scared me till I was white as sour cream
he beat me till I started to scream
Got married on my birthday

It was on a Thursday
My presents taken.
Where they at? I couldn’t say
He even gave cinnamon away.

This continued for 5 years.
A Nightmare
A Broken mirror.
I hated my aggressive stare

I lost all my hope.
No intention to care
In the school bathroom
Found a hand held radio

changed the station until I found 99.3.
I hid the radio and some earbuds Kinz gave me.
At night id await.
till I heard him snore and I would embrace my fate

Put one bud into my ear and listen to the world of hate
Managed to convince him
let me join the cross country team  
made some friends

All their futures seemed to gleam
Treated me as if I was a normal human being.
Last day of freshman year
A courtesy award was near

Wayne bought me a suit and took me to it.
The only time in my life that I looked fit
I was one of the last people called to the pit
I wanted to run and pretend that I had to shit

Earned the Central Courtesy award.
Wayne was shocked. But he was cold as a rock
On the ride back he would nack.
Explained how I didn’t deserve it

how I should have sat in the back
Two Weeks later
another group of doctors
had me do some “tests”. Said I wasn’t a tater tot

They thought I was but now they thought I was not
I was Normal. No longer a bot
Doing pushups,
I was no longer defeated

At this point I was already heated.
I stood up to him.  I was 16 and I was done being cheated
This was my life and I was tired of it being depleted
Yelled at my mom. In the office she was seated.

Then it was time to go. We retreated

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What The Hell Am I Doing?

Everyday the same
Hypocritical shame
Reveling in pain
Spiritually insane

Saying one thing, doing another
Not being the man, student, brother
That I should be for each other
Because there won't be another

So confused
MY grace abused

All I know is: If I choose life
Then what the Hell am I doing?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just something short that came to mind one day... Hope you enjoy the randomness of it... I'm still not sure

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There Is A Girl

There is a girl with cuts on her wrist,
with dying at the top of her list.
She closes her eyes and counts to ten,
she's ready to try this all again.
She grips the blade a little tighter,
tried so hard to be a fighter.
The world she knows starts to fade away,
she's happy she doesn't have to stay.
Slowly everything fades to black,
a smile on her face because she knows she's not coming back.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Comment with any constructive criticism or ideas for other poems :)
This poem is dedicated to my best friend/sister who tried to kill herself twice yet is still here. Love you forever and after! <3

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