I’m empty, empty!

And it’s a dull pain, like a needle in my vein
It’s not like it was before — in too deep to reach the shore
I simply wade; I have no end in sight
Like a voyager without a compass
I forget my destination and resort to trying to survive
I’m driven not to desperation
Where I belong on my knees
I instead try to be my own anchor
But my resources are depleted

I face the realization that I’m weak.

And although I have moments of understanding
Where the truth is clear
I’m made of only human
At my core is doubt, hate, and fear

And this is the reason why I must believe
That there’s something greater than me
Because sometimes I can’t get myself up
Nothing else will fill my cup

But my old understanding of the way the world makes sense
Has left me unfulfilled and on the defense
My heart has been polluted by the world’s ideals
Of strength, of truth, and love
They replace it with ambition and zeal
And because I lack direction
I feel a certain disconnection
Not only from those around me
But also from divinity

So without resolution,
despite my absolution
I’m empty, empty.

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From the Depths of an Aggregated Mind

I want to crash out from inside this bubble;

Have at the walls untill they're just useless rubble.

Eviscrate myself and save all of you the trouble

Of burying me deep with a rotten rusted shovel.

There's no reason for me to try my best.

I've deduced to a blabbering blubbering mess.

I cradle my head in my hands on my desk,

Whilst judgement is in conspicuous arrest.

Please, tell me my test

So i can accomplish it;

Finish off the quest

And slit the dying wick

From the pupils i caress.

Slice out the rotting carcass fruit thats been decaying in my chest.

I can't take any more of this.

I have nothing left,

Just this dark damn emptiness.

Why the fuck do i exist?

I am the living dead.

I creep and slither drenched in red.

The cavalcade of thoughts that rapes and violates your head.

I don't bring salvation,

I destroy mentality instead;

Posioning it with led.

Waking morbid curiosities untill all logic has fled.

Until you're drained of blood and all is calm and sted.

Peace in the bathroom that you bled

Where nothing matters, nothings sped.

I'm torn;

In constant uniform thats worn.

I heave.

I'm all alone.

How can one breathe when their minds so violent prone?

Forced to choose sides

And subside when evil arrives.

At birth i wish i'd died

Cause all i dream of now is constant suicide,

Maroon oceans, life juice tides,

Endless falling and sweet riptide.

Could end it all now and just say that i tried.

Feel the breeze of the night in my hair swish by.

Land in the cold forgiving eyes of fright in the flight;

Truly enjoy all the rest that i had denied

Almost each and everyday that i had in this life.

Before the crippling pavement's face,

I'll feel the silent weightless glide.


Emptiness everywhere.
Dead in the air.
Darkness in the soul.
Coldness in the bones.
This is how I feel when I am alone.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

one of my older writes

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When you’ve got nothing left
When you are soaking wet
You’re falling in the pit
And no one gives a shit
You try to face the sun
But all you do is run
The single hope is gone
You turned out all alone

Walking in slow motion
Faces without emotion
How can you face reality?
Stop chasing immortality
Surrounded by nameless bodies
You do not even notice
All of the seasons fade
Are you afraid?

Stop waiting for a miracle
Now you are being pitiful
I know you’re full of life
It’s just deep down inside

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I got inspired to write this, while watching an episode of 'Supernatural'(S4E8)... poor guy :(

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Is all around me,
like ice that cuts to the core,
shivers of emptiness,
so much love to give,
but only Solitude answers my call ....


We could of been so good,
I opened to you like a rose pedal,
and you cut me like thorns,
as if I had no meaning ....


These tears fall and wont stop,
my tender heart once again broken,
Solitude my only companion and foe,
You, you will never know ....


I see your eyes, hear your voice,
but only Solitude remains true,
I wish you truly knew,
how completely I could of loved you,
held you so close with a true heart,
Yet only Solitude remains steadfast ....


I wish you peace, joy and happiness,
all the treasures it seems I'll never know,
my constant companion Solitude,
my friend heartbreak,
my meal emptiness, my cup thirst ....


You looked past my beautiful rose petals,
never touched or smelled my true sweetness,
letting the thorns get in the way,
an excuse to run and hide from true beauty ....


When will this Solitude cease,
My pain stricken heart know peace,
my heart fill with gladness,
the tears no longer flow? ....


When will my hero walk into my eyes,
tenderly embrace my broken pain,
fill me with happiness,
quench my thirst, and feed my hunger? ....


Until then I walk in Solitude,
I awaken to Solitude,
Solitude my only friend and companion,
my sole banquet, my bitter cup of wine ....


2:01 PM 9/18/2011Copyrights 2011-2016
Chicahuac Necahuatl

Author's Notes/Comments: 

To all the men who never saw or touched the delicate rose, only seeing her thorns ....

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Happiness isn't mine to have anymore
I leech it
It fills around me
never in
an emotion I hardly remember
ghostly memories remember
washing me with pain.

thoughts of darkness fill emptiness
I hate it
how to and when
then not
I refrain solely for one other
my loss resounds
she'd perish without me

my pain pales to hers anew
she's my sis
her care comes first
holds me
I cannot hurt her any
plans fade away
resolution to plod on

the darkness lurks in the background
waiting for weakness
dark waters rise quickly
always alive
I run back and fall down
no choice again
please don't leave me

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 2/3/11. This was written when I was having a hard time dealing with my S.A.D. I was very depressed and sometimes suicidal, but my little sister kept me going.

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Where You Used To Be

2010-2012 Poems

There’s an empty space right here—
Where you used to be.
Somewhere in me, in my whole being,
There’s a huge black hole
Sucking all that is left of today
And tomorrow-
To infinite abyss of nothingness.

I wish I could follow through and see—
Where all of these nightmares started.
But all I find are faded, smiling pictures of us,
Dried petals of yellow and red roses,
And lilies…which all cry happy echoes
Of the days-
We see us and forever in each other’s eyes.

Whatever went wrong,
Or whether this is for the ‘right’.
I cannot contain this overflowing yearning
To be real, to be me, to be…
I am inviolable, but I am vulnerable
Only to you-
Because I have loved you and I still do.

This pain of your absence scares me.
For each time the sun sets,
Our hearts are turning gray.
I wish our memories, trust, words,
And occasional apathy would suffice
To salvage our next mornings.
We hope that miracle comes with the sunrise.

For the uncountable times I pleaded
For aching respite,
It’s twice the nth times,
You refused to let me go.
We hang on and we continue to do so.
Yet still—There’s an empty space right here
Where you used to be.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

13Apr11 @ 10.40pm, Penang Island...far from where you are.