repression

A Corrupted Mind

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Poems.

A mind so innocent

Corrupted

But the feeling so magnificent

 

A mind so confused

Used

And flat out abused

 

It did not feel

What it was supposed to

It all became too unreal

 

Emotions shoved away

Masked with anger and hate

They always felt justified

It were the emotions that lied

 

Those little hands were tied

Manipulated by the obscene

A corrupted mind

Didn't exactly want them to be free

 

A mind, once innocent

Was lured into a darkness

It all started in that basement

Where the emotions were too much to harness

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Holding back

Holding back tears, repressing thoughts, feelings

I want to say i love you or i care about you, but i can't.....

i can't tell the people who make my life bearable, that i love them

i want to scream about how much they mean to me, about how they have changed my life

I am an emotional mute, like in a dream where no one can hear you scream

I fear when i'm gone, the people who are my everything, will not know how much they meant to me.....


I fear, that soon enough i will not know what they meant to me....

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Pandora's Box

.............

 

exhaustion surrounds 

 

permeating her auric feild

 

like a blanket of thick smoke

 

retiring into the darkness of night

 

it is her solace and place of quietude

 

undaunted by earthly storms 

 

the raging fires of voicy havoc

 

 raucous misunderstandings

 

petty misgivings that cloud the path to clarity

 

slowly and calmly anesthetized 

 

by the rise and fall of her chest

 

the inspiration of her breath

 

 far into the depths of unconscious planes

 

dreaming of spatial incongruencies

 

distorted views of the day's events

 

 slip into a place where they make more sense

 

awakened by a sound

 

 a child weeping

 

baby soft skin broken by the remnants 

 

of an ogre's  shame and anguish 

 

after dropping bombs on innocent women and children

 

abandoned by an angel of forgiveness

 

left in the scourge of suffering

 

accompanied by his own flesh and blood babies 

 

 one man's desperation 

 

the cold war has been resurrected

 

a house of horrors comes alive

 

it is up to each one to survive

 

 raw emotion pierces a hole

 

gnawing like lightning through the night

 

 into the core of her soul

 

awakening with cries

 

but after 35 years

 

she is finally alive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

10:07 PM 7/3/2013

©

 

..............

Author's Notes/Comments: 

What war does. it lasts long after it's over.my father beat me 2 months after my mother's sudden death, and I blocked it out for 35 years of my life.

The Lady With The Tragic Past

I met her in a therapy group,
The woman who had the tragic past,
She spoke with lots of knowledge
On things like 'self esteem' and 'well being',
And I thought to myself,
'Wow, she really has it all together now',
I thought, 'You would never know',
She worked for a support line in the local town,
And everyone looked up to her...

 

She often spoke of predators of a sexual kind,
Mostly when someone spoke up in the group
About a bad experience,
Like about when they were 10 and played doctor with their siblings,
Or when they touched an intimate part of their body,
With another child in their age group,
And the wise woman with the tragic past
Would always be there...to remind them of how bad
The other person was,
And this freed the group member of guilt,
And soon they would join the wise woman
With the terribly tragic past in her mission.

 

One day a member of the group spoke up
About how her parents taught her what oral sex was,
She said it confused her terribly,
And the wise woman with the tragic past stood up,
And became indignant about such awful parents,
How dare they confuse and abuse their 13 year old child
Without permission from the moral majority
And status quo of prominent psychotherapists in the town,
And the police were called immediately to arrest the predators,
And everyone felt a little sorry,
And the group member felt ashamed to have such horrid parents,
Now under the impression that they didn't really love her,
But that they just pretended to.

 

The wise lady with the tragic past would do that,
She would be there like a dear protector,
She took it on as a mission in life to get every last predator,
And with her experience and grand knowledge about abuse,
There was never a need for her to see proof about a predator,
She knew what other's intentions were without them knowing,
Because she just knew exactly what a predator was,
She didn't have to ask,
Everyone knew she knew,
And everyone trusted her judgement.

 

Once, when I was 6 I fell off my bicycle
And hit my head on a rock during a race with other kids,
I passed out and woke up on the neighbor's couch
With an ice pack on my head, and people around me,
All very happy to see me awaken and be ok,
And there were no predators that I can remember,
But there wasn't anyone like the lady with the tragic past there either,
And everything turned out ok,
I was better the next day, riding my bike down the driveway
In the same way I had the day before,
Having lots of fun like kids do,
And now I wonder if I would have ever got on the bike again
If the wise lady with the tragic past had been there.

 

Takes one to know one maybe.

 

10:22 PM 5/8/2013

Author's Notes/Comments: 

When the abused becomes predatory without even realizing it.