A mind so innocent
Corrupted
But the feeling so magnificent
A mind so confused
Used
And flat out abused
It did not feel
What it was supposed to
It all became too unreal
Emotions shoved away
Masked with anger and hate
They always felt justified
It were the emotions that lied
Those little hands were tied
Manipulated by the obscene
A corrupted mind
Didn't exactly want them to be free
A mind, once innocent
Was lured into a darkness
It all started in that basement
Where the emotions were too much to harness
Holding back tears, repressing thoughts, feelings
I want to say i love you or i care about you, but i can't.....
i can't tell the people who make my life bearable, that i love them
i want to scream about how much they mean to me, about how they have changed my life
I am an emotional mute, like in a dream where no one can hear you scream
I fear when i'm gone, the people who are my everything, will not know how much they meant to me.....
I fear, that soon enough i will not know what they meant to me....
.............
exhaustion surrounds
permeating her auric feild
like a blanket of thick smoke
retiring into the darkness of night
it is her solace and place of quietude
undaunted by earthly storms
the raging fires of voicy havoc
raucous misunderstandings
petty misgivings that cloud the path to clarity
slowly and calmly anesthetized
by the rise and fall of her chest
the inspiration of her breath
far into the depths of unconscious planes
dreaming of spatial incongruencies
distorted views of the day's events
slip into a place where they make more sense
awakened by a sound
a child weeping
baby soft skin broken by the remnants
of an ogre's shame and anguish
after dropping bombs on innocent women and children
abandoned by an angel of forgiveness
left in the scourge of suffering
accompanied by his own flesh and blood babies
one man's desperation
the cold war has been resurrected
a house of horrors comes alive
it is up to each one to survive
raw emotion pierces a hole
gnawing like lightning through the night
into the core of her soul
awakening with cries
but after 35 years
she is finally alive.
10:07 PM 7/3/2013
©
..............
I met her in a therapy group,
The woman who had the tragic past,
She spoke with lots of knowledge
On things like 'self esteem' and 'well being',
And I thought to myself,
'Wow, she really has it all together now',
I thought, 'You would never know',
She worked for a support line in the local town,
And everyone looked up to her...
She often spoke of predators of a sexual kind,
Mostly when someone spoke up in the group
About a bad experience,
Like about when they were 10 and played doctor with their siblings,
Or when they touched an intimate part of their body,
With another child in their age group,
And the wise woman with the tragic past
Would always be there...to remind them of how bad
The other person was,
And this freed the group member of guilt,
And soon they would join the wise woman
With the terribly tragic past in her mission.
One day a member of the group spoke up
About how her parents taught her what oral sex was,
She said it confused her terribly,
And the wise woman with the tragic past stood up,
And became indignant about such awful parents,
How dare they confuse and abuse their 13 year old child
Without permission from the moral majority
And status quo of prominent psychotherapists in the town,
And the police were called immediately to arrest the predators,
And everyone felt a little sorry,
And the group member felt ashamed to have such horrid parents,
Now under the impression that they didn't really love her,
But that they just pretended to.
The wise lady with the tragic past would do that,
She would be there like a dear protector,
She took it on as a mission in life to get every last predator,
And with her experience and grand knowledge about abuse,
There was never a need for her to see proof about a predator,
She knew what other's intentions were without them knowing,
Because she just knew exactly what a predator was,
She didn't have to ask,
Everyone knew she knew,
And everyone trusted her judgement.
Once, when I was 6 I fell off my bicycle
And hit my head on a rock during a race with other kids,
I passed out and woke up on the neighbor's couch
With an ice pack on my head, and people around me,
All very happy to see me awaken and be ok,
And there were no predators that I can remember,
But there wasn't anyone like the lady with the tragic past there either,
And everything turned out ok,
I was better the next day, riding my bike down the driveway
In the same way I had the day before,
Having lots of fun like kids do,
And now I wonder if I would have ever got on the bike again
If the wise lady with the tragic past had been there.
Takes one to know one maybe.
10:22 PM 5/8/2013