landforms

—Like Little Houses

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Reedited 08.02.2019; 07.25.2019; 07.23.2019 (grammatical/semantical errors, specificity of given examples for a more accurate representation, e.g., "in the videos"; adherence to grammatical rules, e.g., "which are" vs. "*that are"; additional clarifications or emendations, upon reviewing what I've typed previously in these notes/comments, for using a gadget instead earlier, rather than now, in its present edited form, when a much comfortable interface, by using a keyboard, was more apt—in a pragmatic sense): 


This is a haiku adaptation (in English) initially composed in reaction to social values.  It is inspired by the various cleanup operations spearheaded by the newly elected Manila mayor (Mayor Isko Moreno Domagoso), & under the watch of the current administration (the Duterte administration), & which was also secondarily inspired by the "little houses" (something that popped up in my mind that which was mentioned in a Hayao Miyazaki film—it just reminded me of it).—I have recalled that scene in this specific instance, as if inexorably, as it stood out like a speck of my memory, when Chihiro told that to her parents as they went along before getting lost in their way (i.e., losing their way).  I would then just think of the interrelatedness of the natural environment, the built environment, the social environment, and the economic environment, respectively; that was subsequently also due to learning those aspects (i.e., those subcategories) from a book that I've skimmed over lately (or just now actually—ipso facto).  What had compelled me is the seeming interconnected instances which then have seemingly concretized the said interrelated factors (as outright described in the printed matter, which pertains to some criteria that are said to be involved in urban planning, etc.).  I've been primarily goaded by the fact that there are YouTube videos which have been shared by most of the actual concerned people in action (e.g., some Filipino citizens, members of the public/daily population—yet in the videos themselves are the proactive participants: engineers, officers/workmen from goverment agencies suchlike DPWH, DEPW, etc.).  The hype is not a thing, though; but that such videos uploaded by concerned citizens have simply actually existed, the sheer acknowledgement of such recorded facets of society, to me, are reminiscent of the bygone vintage Manila (the olden times when Manila was nicer, the way it was during the Marcos years—or what Marcos might have envisioned back then).  Manila, Philippines, is where I hail from.  In conclusion, what I've seen in many of the videos are quite positive.  This poem does not merely denote one country in particular so I hope you like this test piece of a Japanese haiku for which I, once again, have tried to make use of the English language to conceptualize all those sentiments/sensibilities (eg., about such developments, social actions, public reactions, et al) & then squeeze it in here to make it, thus, as if it is a coherent whole.

"Her Glacier"

Author's Notes/Comments: 

"Normally I'm all about the sensory imagery and using a wide vocabulary, and I know that poetry tends to be much more elaborate than prose, but I feel like the emotions and symbolism you are trying to convey are being lost behind all the extra words you're squeezing in. A lot of the words you've chosen come across as either redundant or misplaced, and that gets a little distracting for your reader(s). As you keep working on this piece, consider whether some of your word choices could be pared back, simplified, or eliminated all together. That will help emphasize the meanings you are trying to express.
Also take some time to consider the purpose of your punctuation. I know that ellipses seem like a nice, dramatic way to emphasize specific phrases and images, but overusing them in this way makes the reader feel like they're constantly trying to catch their breath. Which, hey, could be the very point! Just a thought I had." - C.J. Holmes