landforms

—Like Little Houses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

—Like Little Houses

 

 

Like little houses—

Are the places within which

—can be called our homes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Reedited 08.02.2019; 07.25.2019; 07.23.2019 (grammatical/semantical errors, specificity of given examples for a more accurate representation, e.g., "in the videos"; adherence to grammatical rules, e.g., "which are" vs. "*that are"; additional clarifications or emendations, upon reviewing what I've typed previously in these notes/comments, for using a gadget instead earlier, rather than now, in its present edited form, when a much comfortable interface, by using a keyboard, was more apt—in a pragmatic sense): 


This is a haiku adaptation (in English) initially composed in reaction to social values.  It is inspired by the various cleanup operations spearheaded by the newly elected Manila mayor (Mayor Isko Moreno Domagoso), & under the watch of the current administration (the Duterte administration), & which was also secondarily inspired by the "little houses" (something that popped up in my mind that which was mentioned in a Hayao Miyazaki film—it just reminded me of it).—I have recalled that scene in this specific instance, as if inexorably, as it stood out like a speck of my memory, when Chihiro told that to her parents as they went along before getting lost in their way (i.e., losing their way).  I would then just think of the interrelatedness of the natural environment, the built environment, the social environment, and the economic environment, respectively; that was subsequently also due to learning those aspects (i.e., those subcategories) from a book that I've skimmed over lately (or just now actually—ipso facto).  What had compelled me is the seeming interconnected instances which then have seemingly concretized the said interrelated factors (as outright described in the printed matter, which pertains to some criteria that are said to be involved in urban planning, etc.).  I've been primarily goaded by the fact that there are YouTube videos which have been shared by most of the actual concerned people in action (e.g., some Filipino citizens, members of the public/daily population—yet in the videos themselves are the proactive participants: engineers, officers/workmen from goverment agencies suchlike DPWH, DEPW, etc.).  The hype is not a thing, though; but that such videos uploaded by concerned citizens have simply actually existed, the sheer acknowledgement of such recorded facets of society, to me, are reminiscent of the bygone vintage Manila (the olden times when Manila was nicer, the way it was during the Marcos years—or what Marcos might have envisioned back then).  Manila, Philippines, is where I hail from.  In conclusion, what I've seen in many of the videos are quite positive.  This poem does not merely denote one country in particular so I hope you like this test piece of a Japanese haiku for which I, once again, have tried to make use of the English language to conceptualize all those sentiments/sensibilities (eg., about such developments, social actions, public reactions, et al) & then squeeze it in here to make it, thus, as if it is a coherent whole.

"Her Glacier"

“Her Glacier” 

 

Laying down on the shattered glass

I breathe in the shards

Letting the seeping blood drip

 

DRIP...DROP…

 

The ripples resonate and echo,

On the disheartened, crying ice

Eyes… dropping… crystals

Covered my saddened heart

Who, I scream a silent, dry scream,

as if I am in space, underwater

 

To my weeping eyes, “I am sorry for the wasted tears.”

I whisper to the silence, with my vivid vision

The vivid vision blurred by the saltwater tears

Can only see the back of the person I loved

FADE…into the mist of tears

 

The ice that weeps with me, from my ripped feet,

Shatters as I am taken to the abyss…

The very abyss of my own heart

 

I, slowly taken down, down…as I struggle against,

Against the deathly, cold water

As the rose thorns grasp my feet…they take me

To pitch-dark black,

Further…deeper…deeper

To the prison I made myself

 

Here at the ocean floor,

The place that is made out of my own tears

I wait…where the ashes remain

As I hope the pressure of the seven seas

Of my own heart, turns me into diamonds

 

The other part of me, who lives much above me

Where the snow punches your ragged skin,

In the heart of the land of fire and ice,

Awaits, in the concave of a glacier…

 

Aimlessly around the blue glass tsunami,

Breathing in the untainted, crisp cool air

Eyes floating aimlessly

Eyes twinkling endlessly

 

This slow walking giant, taking centuries for each step

Covers the land with its azure ice like a blanket

Treading on the works of any weathering

Glitters with streaks of endless blue…

 

 

O’ the beauty of the blue streaks!

Each a different shade,

Describes the indescribable

His exquisite beauty,

 

Walls as waves and ripples

Of water that has been frozen in time

Forms those very streaks!

Sapphire, Tiffany, Sky, Zaffre, Royal, Navy, Azure and Midnight blue

In bliss…all dancing merrily in this very cave

…an ultimate Eternal Dance

 

She, white light, origin of the viva Earth

Smiles through His crystal

Giving colour and light to His life

Givin’ His form…the Blue Crystal Tsunami.

 

Romance, like lovers, waltzing

even if one of them…will not make it ‘till the end

even if one of them…is slowly killing the other

She, who gives beauty to the giant

I, who lives way below them,

cannot compete…

 

A warm-blooded creature of the land…

It, who decides to wander inside…

runs Its hands on the mosaic of blue

To It, the ice seems to glide

As the twinkling light of the crystal cave winks…

Picturing the two together…

 

Below the glacier " inside the very cave- lays a beach

Crystal…His…Tears

O’ the beach of his tears…when he weeps with me

Slowly melting away

 

Either way,

His blue is much apart from mine,

Sleeplessly, I lay down on the shattered glass

Endlessly, breathing in the stabbing shards

As I accept my fate…way below Him

 

Him.” “Blue Glass Tsunami” = Vatnajökull glacier cave, Iceland

The Land of Fire and Ice” = Iceland. Iceland is known to have volcanoes next to glaciers.

White light, Origin of the viva Earth” “She” = Sun

Beach of his tears” = A ‘beach’ located in the cave itself. The sand is made out of ‘crystal’.

A warm-blooded creature of the land” = A person. Human

Pictures them together” = Takes a picture of the cave with a camera

Even if one of them…is slowly killing the other” = The sun is melting the ice

I” = A landform that sunk to the bottom of the sea, just below the cave. (i.e. ‘the third wheel’)

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

         “…and here I wait. For her glacier. Who I knew will never come”

Author's Notes/Comments: 

"Normally I'm all about the sensory imagery and using a wide vocabulary, and I know that poetry tends to be much more elaborate than prose, but I feel like the emotions and symbolism you are trying to convey are being lost behind all the extra words you're squeezing in. A lot of the words you've chosen come across as either redundant or misplaced, and that gets a little distracting for your reader(s). As you keep working on this piece, consider whether some of your word choices could be pared back, simplified, or eliminated all together. That will help emphasize the meanings you are trying to express.
Also take some time to consider the purpose of your punctuation. I know that ellipses seem like a nice, dramatic way to emphasize specific phrases and images, but overusing them in this way makes the reader feel like they're constantly trying to catch their breath. Which, hey, could be the very point! Just a thought I had." - C.J. Holmes