*Before and After*

November-13-1996/ March-2-2004 
Trisha M. Barrek  Hopkins


I felt like i never belong 
I was always called the pain 
I did everything wrong 
I was only trying to beat the game 
I've tried too hard for so long 

But no matter what i do 
I can never impress 
I could never satisfy you 
Whatever i tried turned into a mess 
So sorry my eyes cant be the color blue 
I'm sorry you don't like the way i dress 


I always took what i could take 
I always kept everything held inside 
I always tried to be fake 
I never showed my feelings that i decided to hide 
I never had the topping on the cake 


No one wanted to see it through my eyes 
I always was an out cast 
But people finally see when my heart dies 
But that wouldn't even last 
But this is before 
I need to move on from the past 
I need more 
So i change my mind real fast 




I do belong 
I have no more pain 
I do everything right no more wrong 
I've won the game 
Now I'm dancing to my favorite song 


Everything that i do 
Relieves me of my stress 
My heart is brand new 
The pain from before i have less 
Deep down in my heart i know 
That you i don't have to impress 


I decided i'm going to keep what i take 
I think its time not to hide 
I know i'm not a fake 
I'm my own person my own pride 
I can have all my cake 
I will stand by my side 


I see more clear through my eyes 
From now on i'm leaving the past 
I don't hear my cries 
From now on i'm gonna have a blast 


The people that are mean i'll ignore 
I'm a different person now 
I am happier then before 
I no longer wear a frown 
Being my own self i know how 
I'm the one who wears the crown



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Peaceful Walk





Early in the Morning,


a white van, 


parked across the street,


the house being built,


new neighbors soon,


a nice family,


I met them briefly,


the man waved,


I said,  "hello",


and he said, "nice dog",


I said,


"he's been great"


and walked in the house,


my Morpheus and me.






07/12/13 6:50 pm ©


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Dear Jan


My one dearest Jan,

Where are you now?

I see you've been gone

From our hometown


It's been three years since I last saw you

I regret that I ever knew you

It was nothing but disgrace

You made me fall far from grace


I was 15 

and knew nothing

You were old enough

To fool my young heart


I loved you too much

And soon when we touched

I never knew when to stop

Then you put me down to drop


That deep feeling was too high

It seemed too new to me

Those sad times were full of lies

But doubts never crossed me


They said I was  lucky to have you

I guess they just don't know the true you

Your sick self that frightened me is far from

Your sweet face you displayed in our last prom


You acted so good

You fooled her too

She fell to your traps

Like me with your match


But you never loved her

Bet her clear vision blurred

'Cause she loved you too

The way I used to


Dear Jan, I'm turning 18 now

But Jan, I still remember how

You lost my trust and love

Replaced by tears and grudge


I played fair through your rules

I played games though so cruel

Then you laughed at the end of it all

Then I cried, "I should have known"


I was 15 and thoughtless

I danced through your flames and traps

You were 18 and ruthless

You planned that sad, heartless match


Dear Jan, I cried back then so hard

'Cause Jan, I gave you all my heart

You made me lose all of my faith

Yet I stood up after those fails


Jan, I'm smiling again now

Jan, I can love again now

Though they failed too

They weren't like you


Even if you answer things I ask

They can never bring back the past

You made myself hide for some time

You made my heart cry the whole time


Lessons from you should be learned

Pictures of you should be burned

Three years ago, I was naïve with you

Recalling you, I now know what to do

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Pass on

From the deaths we sing
From the mud and murk
As darkness passes by,
We know our shame
To pass on here
To fall away
To rise from here,
On and on we know_
Born to feel this way
Born to know this pain
Born to know this death

Waiting for that day;
The day we fly away;
Never feel that shame
Just come with me
take my hand
Wait no more

Known to find the line,
Cross that path
Choose your side
Then make your bed
Find your sleep
Take your dreams
Just find your way
Just float away_,

Tell them what you find
show them how you feel,
find your words
find yourself
know those words
keep them close.
speak them now


Author's Notes/Comments: 

Note* commas indicate change in tempo semi colleens indicate pause

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