Here we are both low salt and: Here we are both low salt and sugar free, much micronutrient dishes, juicing and blending. Triglycerides are quite the enemy. Pardon if I had taken a tributary in this poem.
Thank you. I really: Thank you. I really appreciate your comment and validation, because this poem made me as nervous as a cockroach in a pesticide factory. It came to me in a flurry, and was supposed to be a Tanka, and yet demanded more lines than a Tanka affords, while keeping those lines to five syllables each. So I really felt disoriented in writing it. Your kind words and response to the poem have, as always, calmed my nervousness. Thank you so very much.
So scarily true. I realise: So scarily true. I realise now in hindsight that we can't make others happy because we choose to be unhappy and are unable to be made happy ourselves. Powerful write here.
A tale of discovering and: A tale of discovering and growing into transcendent romance, the kind that is rarely recognised or nurtured and yet nags at so many. There was a lot of talk and lore about soul mates and true love and flames only to end up in crash and burn but where is the heart of what is real between these star crossed lovers and their could have beens! And for an elect few the youthful dream continues with each setting and rising of the sun, because they together "know."
I'm loving the lustrous and: I'm loving the lustrous and delicate cadence that keeps this crushingly sad poem pouring beautifully from line to slender line like a serpent.
The simplicity really works here, allowing the cruel circumstance of being cast away because of who one loves to crash through, unsparing, crystalline and gripping. You also managed to create an endearing and strong character using very little disclosure, and that's quite a victory!
The imagery, meaningful and unfettered by any unnecessary words, makes a statement in itself and propells the story into some emotionally charged territory.
Elegant power. Superb!
The cargo ship image struck: The cargo ship image struck me and brought me to the concept of poetry and poems that are as empty hulls, all form and shape without much substance or feeling or meaning. I guess that is how we mature and progress in life, developing more each days and perhaps that also shows in the development of our poetry and our interactions on anything and everyone poetic. As with anything in life, it is a full, unreserved engagement, like that marriage of true minds (of Sonnet 116 fame, W.S.) So we surround ourselves with what we desire to become! And therein lies the indivisible truth and power of the kosmos.
Rhyme is a curious: Rhyme is a curious phenomenon: full rhymes, slant rhymes, off-rhymes; then there is full-stop or enjambment at the end of each line. But such terms are only the effect of studying how Poets use words; the terms do not create Poetry. I like the graceful rhyme structure in this poem, and it keeps the poem moving briskly to its conclusion. The converssational tone of the poem makes the rhyming sound natrual---as if all people spoke and wrote this way---and not artificial, as in a greeting card.
And, as Patricia pointed out, this is a meta-poem; and that makes it very interesting. The great Poet, Wallace Stevens, wrote meta-poems in blank verse; and Alexander Pope wrote them in rhymed couplets. With this excellent poem, you join those great Poets who have given us Poetry about Poetry; which, to me as a reader, is one of the most interesting subjects and genres available in our language. I applaud this great accomplishment that yiou have shared with postpoems' readers.
Can't help but feel the: Can't help but feel the temporal nature of life and in the same thought its eternality. Thanks for sharing this vivid and introspective poem.
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