This poem is so cohesive, and: This poem is so cohesive, and so compact, that every line becomes my favorite as I read it, and then the next line affter that becomes my favorite while reading it, and so on right until the end. This poem, remarkably, presents some very profound emotion without becoming pompous; and that final line grounds it in the very real situation that we all share---when the most intense emotions, desires and responses can be punctuated by the sound of snoring. We are capable of highly spiritual aspirations, and yet we have the vulnerabilities of snoring, after-dinner indigestion, or stepping into dog poop while mowing the lawn.
The digit in the second line is a little bit of an eye-stumbler; and, in my opinion, should be replaced by the word "two" in order to keep the poem internally consistent. I raise this issue only because the poem is so genuinely efficient in its effect that something as small as an eye-stumble should just be removed and replaced. In a mediocre poem, such a thing would not matter at all; in an artistic poem, as this one is, it matters so much more. I am not making a criticism, just a suggestion; the poem is too overwhelmingly beautiful to criticize.
And that tenth line---wow! That is one of the most beautiful lines I have ever read---in any poem, at any time, anywhere. Consisting of five words, it does not call attention to itself, and yet, like a tightly coiled spring, it releases tremendous power. I have read the poem more than once just to get to that tenth line and feel the uncoiling of its power.
Although the breaths, in its title, may be uneven, the quality of the poem and the verbal skill it displays is entirely consistent from first to last syllable, a seamless piece in which every component contributes to the overall impact of its verbal beauty. Thank you for sharing this magnificent poem with us.
Thank you so very much. I do: Thank you so very much. I do truly believe that God has surrounded us with so much beauty (despite our incessant tampering with it, which never leads to any good) to be appreciated, studied, catalogued and---above all---enjoyed.
Starward you are too much : But never stop because I love it! I live for your analysies! Yeah probs a made up word but it works. I l envey your knowlegde and how you make such connections but even better the way you describe them! Incredible!
On a bad day like today you: On a bad day like today you made me smile and that's quite a feat! Yes physical I concur love your inside story on my inside story! You are amazing i. So any ways I refuse to count them if never finish!
Beautiful star plume i love: Beautiful star plume i love it it is so etherial and so hopeful, yet humbling. A beautiful concise summation but endlessly bigger theme. Lovely!!
Yeah, that about describes: Yeah, that about describes it. Now get out 9f my head before I charge you rent! I liked it alot, too much, and I dont like that.
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