A comment from lyrycsyntyme: A comment from lyrycsyntyme is a very good reason to read the poem so commented on, and this poem is magnificent. I really enjoy the way you deployed words. One thing stumbled my eye was the change of second person address from "you" to "thee" and then back; and the change from second to third person address. Is the person in the first line the same as in the seventh line? (I am an old man, and I do not deny the possibility of my bad mis-reading of any given poem.) Still, despite these points (which may be more on my reading than on the poem), this poem is still beautifully presented. One aspect that caught my eye as an excellent verbal strategy was the dwindling length of the lines in the last five lines, and no punctuation following the last word---which, in this case, is an advantage, because it opens the field of possibility and leaves all sorts of questions unanswered, enhancing the sense of mystery that accompany such experiences. I really, really like this poem; it has my applause!
I really love this line pair: "I ascertained that without thee I’m at sea
If I don’t attain thee I’ll be missed for ages"
It really encapsulates the state of mind of a devastating heartbreak, and it's lost time.
Fantastic, on the whole. I didn't anticipate it all being a dream. Hopefully one that is to become reality for you ; )
broughts tears to my eyes as: broughts tears to my eyes as it made me think of my late father. Blessings to you for this wonderful, wonderful piece you have shared
AIDY 72 HOURS 44 MILES WNW:
AIDY 72 HOURS 44 MILES WNW OF LAST LOCATION. CHECK THE COFFEE SHOPS 3.15PM. HAPPY SOME HAVE SEEN S3NSE. POLYGRAPH NO PROBLEM. DON'T BOOK ANYTHING PAY CASH FOR EVERYTHING WRAP YOUR CIA PHONES IN TIN FOIL. I GOT TO SEE THE SNAKE FIRST GIVE THEM THE DEMANDS, AND OF COURSE THERE'S A WAR RAGING WITH AI TO BOOT. SO POSSIBILITIES OF BEING LATE
The poem sounds like a: The poem sounds like a whispered conversation---and the fourth and fifth lines, along with the last, are comforting and reassuring. Although brief, the poem is emotionally powerful.
Happy to come across some new: Happy to come across some new lyrics from you. Really like this one about obsession and it's dangers to the one being obsessed over.
Have you recorded any new material recently?
Hmmm. If we had a functional: Hmmm. If we had a functional democracy, these kind of "fights" to determine the speaker of the House would be the minimum standard, rather than a once in a 100 year event that half the population mocks, because it's not their party of choice. Lockstep agreement should trouble us, not the reverse. At least as far as I can see.
But don't color me too impressed by just a couple of firecrackers going off on the 4th of July.
5 lines: that could fight an incredible battle to be the most memorable, and yet none standing in the way of each other when working with in the poem - working together.
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