This poem is so bleak it gave: This poem is so bleak it gave me a chill while reading it, and I had only to look out my window (although in January, not November) to see a real-time analogue to what you have described. Just as much poetic skill is required to describe this aspect of reality as it does to describe a sunny, warm day; and you have deployed your words powerfully and succinctly.
As for whether it appeals to several, or many, others . . . mass appeal does not validate or invalidate a poem. I don't know if you are familiar with the Poet, Wallace Stevens, who, during his lifetime, was a lawyer andi insurance company executive, more well know for his expertise on surety bonds than on poetry. His poems were considered difficult and lacking in much appeal, yet he was deeply and consistently appreciated by a "chosen few." During the eighties and nineties, I had the thrill to watch Stevens' star ascend while, correspondingly, Eliot's star had begun to descend. And now, forty-four years after receiving that advice to read him, I am still reading him.
By the way, your poem reminds me of Stevens' great, but very short and very chilling poem, "The Snow Man." I do not make comparisons to his work lightly; and I mean it as a compliment. Both you and Stevens capture, in ordinary words, the very chill of a bleak landscape. Your words not only have their sounds, they also convey what it feels like to be cold, just as Stevens' snowman poem did in 1921, and continues doing so to this very day. I think you should be very pleased with your accomplishment in this poem. And I am very impressed with it, although I may prefer to read it again when a bit of warmer weather has arrived in our region.
I wish you the utmost success: I wish you the utmost success with constructing and then publishing the book. I am sure it will help others---to either put their own difficulties into perspective, or to avoid causing such difficulties to others. My own experience reminds me of the very last line of Annie Proulx's inimitable short story, "Brokeback Mountain," which asserts that what cannot be fixed must be endured. In my day, I was unable to fix the bullying---bullying done hatefully by peers, and with more of a false "good nature" by teachers and parents---and so had to endure it. Your book, and whatever you share of it on postpoems, will very likely help others to fix situations so that they do not have to endure the sometime horrific difficulties of those situations.
My favorite poem is called: My favorite poem is called Caged Bird by Maya Angelou. I memorized it after a good friend of mine committed suicide in high school.
A free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wing
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.
But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.
The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.
The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.
But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.
The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.
You needn't love your cage, Rachel. There's little to love about feeling trapped and unwanted. But I hope you realize that even in just writing this poem you are learning to sing, in spite of the prison of your current circumstance. The free bird may seem happier, but the caged bird possesses a depth of perseverance that can only be discovered during times of immense loneliness. I hope as you continue to sing through the hatred, that you also learn to sing in love. Not just romantically of course, but an even greater love, a love for yourself and the song you sing while you're feeling trapped. You are good enough exactly as you are and you deserve to be told so. Every human being is valuable just because they exist and I pray that you learn to sing on these beautiful things during this season of temporal inprisonment. Keep on singing, caged bird, you will find freedom someday. All things are possible for those who believe.
Stay tuned, Starward. I've: Stay tuned, Starward. I've always dreamed of writing a book and in therapy last night I think I stumbled upon it. There's plenty of trauma where that comes from, but I've decided to dig through the rubbish and polish off the gems for some personal, and hopefully interpersonal healing as well!
This hits me in those parts: This hits me in those parts of my heart that have never fully recovered from similar treatment when I was in elementary school.
This is poignant, intense,: This is poignant, intense, and absolutely magnificent. Let me say again, more loudly---ABSOLUTELY MAGNIFICENT. The situation described, the situation that young Evan has to endure, is horrible, and I suspect it still occurs. (I experienced something similar, not exactly, but another situation of the school system punishing some students---myself included---for thinking outside the box, or thinking differently). You have written a gut-wrenching account that every parent of every unhappy student ought to read.
You have described with: You have described with intense precision one of the seasons of my life---a time that began in Autumn, 1980, and lasted for a little over three years. My heart goes out to anyone who has experienced something like this, be it for hours or for years.
GETTING TIRESOME NOW: GETTING TIRESOME NOW SNAKE
YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T WANT TO DEAL
SHOULD I HAND THINGS TO MR P???
I'M RATHER BUSY
DELAYED FIRING TOO
SO I COULD MEET YOU
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