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It's You
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Blackspeare S.A I saw your picture in my visionary
Before I hit slumber you flashed by my sight
My notion marked my emotion
This noises is surely my cognition
I ascertained that without thee I’m at sea
If I don’t attain thee I’ll be missed for ages
She possesses excellence in humbleness
Then I am as an addict.
We were walking crazily on the side walk
I held the promise that foreboded our commitment
Knees kneeled and I uttered four words of sapience
Her reply was as obvious as I auspicated
What had to be tied was tied
I had put on my white suit
She was on her white
Then I woke
A comment from lyrycsyntyme
A comment from lyrycsyntyme is a very good reason to read the poem so commented on, and this poem is magnificent. I really enjoy the way you deployed words. One thing stumbled my eye was the change of second person address from "you" to "thee" and then back; and the change from second to third person address. Is the person in the first line the same as in the seventh line? (I am an old man, and I do not deny the possibility of my bad mis-reading of any given poem.) Still, despite these points (which may be more on my reading than on the poem), this poem is still beautifully presented. One aspect that caught my eye as an excellent verbal strategy was the dwindling length of the lines in the last five lines, and no punctuation following the last word---which, in this case, is an advantage, because it opens the field of possibility and leaves all sorts of questions unanswered, enhancing the sense of mystery that accompany such experiences. I really, really like this poem; it has my applause!
J-9thxciv (J 9th 94)
I really love this line pair
"I ascertained that without thee I’m at sea
If I don’t attain thee I’ll be missed for ages"
It really encapsulates the state of mind of a devastating heartbreak, and it's lost time.
Fantastic, on the whole. I didn't anticipate it all being a dream. Hopefully one that is to become reality for you ; )