life lessons

Stormy Seas

Just a thought!

The world is a canvas, you are painted within.

One ocean has calm seas, the other, storms brewing.

It's inevitable, you follow the blowing winds.

Sails rip, torrential waters breaking over the bow,

You seek calm in the storm's center.

Pitch black skys, no compass to point the way,

Still you refuse to turn back.

Believing a fallacy of something better ahead...

You're a storm chaser'


Author's Notes/Comments: 

"Stormy seas and bad decisions"

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A Tear hidden heind every Smile

a tear hidden behind every smile
laughing loud to hide the pain
in hindsight i see my foolishness;
i was living life in vain.
i was scared to open my eyes
terrified to see myself—
i, the spawn of the green-eyed monster,
wanted to be somebody else.
i never learned a lesson,
i only made mistakes.
life was one big pity party,
and it was i who made the cake.
uninspired and undeserving,
unrealistic at best,
rude and condescending,
i lacked all self-respect.
things changed when i met matt-
i gave him my heart
then he handed it back broken
and i completely fell apart.
with a little help and advice
and a whole lot of tears,
i turned my pain into strength
and gained wisdom beyond my years.
i learned that solitude is your best companion,
hurting makes you strong,
&& truly accepting yourself is the first step in moving on.
i learned that people come and go
that only YOU will always remain
and if someone doesn't like you,
forget them--they don't matter anyway.
once you see how great you are,
so will everyone else.
it's easier for them to like you,
when you already love yourself.
make mistakes and bad decisions
it's the best way to learn
then you have to grow and change
cus a hot stove will ALWAYS leave you burned.
anger is not a weapon and life is not a game
change isn't always a bad thing; nothing stays the same
your life is what you want it to be
you can't let it pass you by
live your life the way you want to
because in the end,
it's YOU who dies.

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Trudging forward

I've been called a Revolution
A tidal wave of chaos and confusion
And with this voice of change
Comes alienation and pain


Human I am but cannot be
Too many cries and clinging needs
My resolve to take the abuse
Supersedes misery you infuse


Weary and tired, I cannot afford
The wages I'm given are fairly poor
If you ask, I will give
Credit and debt will be my friend


Walk straight through the desert storm
I'm lonely but I have my soul
So here I walk on and stay
So I can get you "there" and show you the way


May these heavy steps have purpose and reason
I cling to the future and turning of seasons
Praying the diseases I take on
Won't incubate inside my heart

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Life Changes

Icy hearted soul // how can a niqqa be so cold // living thru life with such a unbarring load // it was foretold by da household to search for gold // to enroll in life only to manifold // i was good // yea i was good // but dats b4 // i been through life & slowly changed into a carnivore // ignoring haters & killing dem other dinosaurs // it was only once upon a time where I stumbled upon our love // so I stumble upon da stars & ask if love was from above // so I can say I'm dis way & blame it on da ladies // saying every ex jus somehow slowly changed me // but some of y'all may take dat as an hyperbole // but writing da truth in poems is my Idiosyncrasy // I'm da way I am becuz of da way life is // constantly changin like a mother fucking pop quiz // so I adapt & overcome da challenges // & I understand so it's something I gotta live with // becoming smarter at this yea ima life wiz // so please dnt judge & read between da lines // understand da book so u can realize // u ain't seen dis life thru my eyes // u jus seen it thru urs but for dat I applause // cuz every book is different & unique // u cud read da chapter but still won't kno da story // so for all of u dats reading keep reading if u feel me // pick up a book & judge only if u kno thee


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Deep in Depression

Believe it or not,
There's a place to stop,
After so much sorrow.
A point where you go completely numb.
Every once in a while,
The world comes by trying to knock me down again.
But I don't shread a tear,
For I have nothing to fear.
Nothing to lose,
Nothing to gain.
Some people wonder why and how I don't cry,
But I don't feel an ounce of pain.

Nothing even hurts anymore,
Because I have nothing left.
I lost everything that was worth suffering.
Now I'm starting again,
Maybe its for the best...
But you can't hurt me now,
Because I have nothing left.

I sat back in the "safe zone"
Playing it all wrong, leaving out all rest.
I got sedated,
I was over rated,
I turned down what was best.

Now I'm standing here
With frozen tears that won't roll down my face.
Sometimes I wonder why,
I even tried,
I wish I could leave this place.

The cards I played were a dangerous game,
Now I lost everything
And I'm to blame.
I had no principles,
Thought I was invincible,
Now I sit alone feeling nothing.

But you can't hurt me now,
Because I have nothing left,
You can't hurt me now...

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My Lessons. My Scars.

lesson one,
Mama said do it on my own,
that fragments of my life consist of people who care nothing about you,
leeches to the skin that provides good health,
but behind doors was not a kid worried about the wrong in man,
but only the wrong in himself,
scratch my face away,
lesson two,
mama said do it on my own,
to be my own provider,
realize that the ocean goes further than the eye when sitting on the sands of the beach,
the present will soon be a distant memory,
People only want what you have to offer,
mama says,
the marks on my back and legs were not of anger but of love,
the blood dripping from the pores on my skin were mere signs of a lesson well learned,
the dark closet like an endless abyss full of my minds worst nightmares was my thinking place,
lesson three,
the church teaches the priest prieches the holy uncle touches,

is it right to search the light,

better days will come i say,
better days will come mama says,

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That's just how it goes

Poems ♥
So that's how it goes ,
A bunch of memories gone but not forgotten;
Tears cried,not wiped away.
I fall just a little bit more every time I think about that day.
I regret just for a moment as i bask in the pain.
Trying to forget these thoughts of you that run heavy and still remain.
But everything happens for a least that's what most claim.
And that's just how it goes sometimes, it's how we learn from out mistakes.
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No question

"Is it better or worse?"

Question often asked of myself.

Inevitably of You & I.

We began, the man you envisioned is me.

While i`m meeting Ms.Perfect in you.

Pinched myself compulsive.

Dreaming not, only true.

Hind sight clears perception.

Without worse, there is no better.

Stated not a question

You and I, antithesis of the other.

Parallel path's, fiction.

Love the lone tangible.

Equipping us blinders .

Your world i lack morals.

Mine insist to differ.
New lovers far from plural.

Conception of separate thinking.

Constructing our future with ease.

Voided any notion.

Foundation lays cracked.

Hidden with passion and attraction.

All else simple to deny.

Pressure and doubt are born.

Our forever just beginning.

Myself starts to die.

As the road forms a path with twists and turns.

New feelings of doubt, now fear is felt.

Doubting only me, never our forever.

Even as blind spots become clear.

"The next year will be a good one."

A question turns to theme.

"Better arriving soon, worse is the past."

Negativity now mature.

I knew your controlling ways would end.

Gain your trust someday.

As you hope my decisions improve from bad.

Confidence gone, myself slips away.

With the energy and strength our bond was created.

Fueled by each with dis-trust.

A cracked foundation proves it`s worth.

Suddenly without avoidance.

It Fell!


Love expired, reason unknown.

Leaving forever, mine alone.

Shock my only emotion.

Emptiness accompanies my new start.

Had forever, you, everything.

Left with a question's, and shattered heart.

Feelings felt during a perfect first kiss.

Unnatural fall from loved now avoided.

Farthest depths of low.

I`m now forgotten, as i was to myself.

But with some trust rebuilt of mine

Slowly myself returns intact.

Our answer there the whole time.

Realizing question`s each had of the other.

"Is it getting better or worse?"

We expected the other to make things better.

Placing blame to each for the worse.

Thoughts of better individual.

Togetherness an vital source.

For our bond to have survived.

Actions made as one.

The script then would differ.

If answers formed together.

Fate offered an ending.

"For better and worse."

Death our only parting option.

Two "I do`s" and moments forever.

A Solo path a cancer.

Mending no option.

Killed by a question with no answer

Bond severed.

No question.

Phil Getsinger

May 1st, 2012

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