A Million Dandelions

he asked for my soul,
i handed it over; no doubts, no hesitation, no fears;
he asked for my lust,
i gave him all i had then he left and i got more;
he gave me his seed,
i'm trying to use it to fill a hole inside of me;
he gave me his love,
i took it and screamed at him it's not enough;

now we've reached reality,
the ecstatic mood has been broken;
an awkwardness has engulfed our every interaction,
my rational thoughts are flooding back to me;
the bell can not be unrung,
his hazel eyes have seen me crazy;

now there's secrets and lies,
i feel dirty, ashamed and unworthy;
he can't forget what his absence bore,
and i can't escape who i am when i'm not his whore;
time draws us closer to the bitter end,
love can't mend shredded dreams;

i stumbled over the ghost's of lovers past,
he boiled and now he simmers over it in his mind;
i snuck across a digital line,
my friend my fault and i agree;
i'm my own worst enemy and my own best friend;

i keep hope alive on caffeine and pizza,
he works himself into a numb living death;
i'll bury us under a million dandelions,
our love will never be gone;
we will forever float in the wind,
the seeds of us planting where ever they land!

Bat Shit Crazy

you filled me up a couple of times.
i feed upon your need of me.
you know the tip of my iceberg,
but what lies below my pink flesh is deep.
i don't know yet if it'll sink us or if you can swim through this!

i see rough waters ahead.
you aren't the only one with crazy in the genes.
my own blood fights sensible choices.
you tell me you're the normal one compared to who you're related to.
in my family i'm the normal one too, but i'm still bat shit crazy!

i fear exposing all of who i am to you.
scenarios play out to a captive audience in my head.
my dreams are filled with doom and gloom.
the economy looks robust compared to my hopes for us.
i count the days we've been together.
i'm amazed i've held it together this long.
you're the calm in the eye of my inner storm.
i hope you're strong!

i want to be swept away by you.
pick me up and carry me away.
be my calgon!
be my hero!
i put too much baggage upon your shoulders.
i fret about you throwing out your back.
right now it's alright, but i know how quickly the tides change.

i don't get you all the time.
i'm a small piece in the puzzle of your life.
my greed pushes me to plead for more of you.
right now you're flattered and amused.
i believe the power i give to you binds you too.
we've bonded to each other's weaknesses.
i'm hoping by the time you see my flip side you're in to deep to flee.

the swing moves even when i'm not in the seat.
my emotions constantly push it.
sometimes it's gentle, back and forth,
almost hypnotic, it sways.
but sudden and violent changes take place.
up in the air i go, higher then i can fly.
back over dead territory and digging up graves,
then i jump for my life
and down to the ground i crash and cave!

be proud you say!
be you you say!
i believe i still love you.
sometimes i will say or do harm to you.
forgive me when you throw me away.
i know what i'm doing but i do it anyways.
bat shit crazy makes me this way!

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Take a Look

write write write, write your feelings down.
feelings down? i'm feeling down.
pain pain pain, you think it's a game?
hate hate hate, it's our common fate.
break break break, break me down
mentality pushed against a wall
feel the grip of a monster not known
write write write, write your feelings down.
feelings down? i'm feeling down.
air air air, air, where is the air.
i can't breathe, i'm feeling choked.
hold hold hold, hold me tight
tell me i'll be alright
nothings okay, nothing is right
break break break, break me down
look inside, did you find what you need find?
push push push, pushed too far
hit the bottom, try to crawl
stuck stuck stuck, no one gives a fuck
crazy ways, crazy days
sense sense sense, things don't make sense
all the light is gone, nowhere to go.
trapped trapped trapped, let me out.
my mind is a jail, full of demons
lost lost lost, i'm lost again.
write write write, write your feelings down.
feelings down? i'm feeling down.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I have no idea, today is my moms birthday, she passed away april 2nd 2012, I just wrote down what came into my head. This is not my normal writing.

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I'm Crazy

I'm crazy,
and there's nothing
wrong with that!

What does a dog do
when he's a cat?
He walks!

I'm crazy and
there are wrong
with that, yea?

I have feet!
They come out
of my nose!

I'm not crazy!
I'm sane,

Know what's
What are they?

I'm not crazy,
I'm just different,
and more cool!

I want a ice cream!
I eat it with my toes!
Want a bite?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I'm not sure... I wanted to write a poem that's talking about someone who's crazy. Please let me know what you think!!

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I'm mesmerized by this malicious monster. I return
To stare where the
Stars disappear and
try not to lose my mind.
Growing gravity as I
Draw nearer, I suspect
The weight of insanity
Will grow.

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find a reason to wake up
to put on the fake face
hopin for a better tomorrow
when it never comes
day after day playing games
in my fucked up head
wishing for it to end
the hope is gone
my brain has bogged out
strap me in the straight jacket
through me in
lock me away
through away the key ..

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That night

I rock myself to sleep at night
As I watch the stars come in to sight
And I think and I wonder of what might
Happen on this starry night

I awaken to the morning, bright
And try to think of that night
The dreams I had, that brought such fright
That eerie scream I heard that night.

I walk around and in my sight
A body laying pale white
With crimson that glows in the light
What had happened on that night?

When asked of what I saw that night
I said with tears and in great fright
“I’ll tell what I know of that night”

I believe I played the part just right
Afraid, shy, it was quite a sight
For after they left my face grow bright.
It was I that did this on that night.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I couldn't sleep

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My Friend

In my head
No need to dread
Because you’re near
When I have a fear
When I need you
You’re right on cue
Because you’re here
Within my ear

You talk to me
When they all flee
You are my friend
Right to the end
You are so small
So easy to haul
But you can’t hide
Because you’re inside

No, you can’t run
Me you can’t shun
I know you’re here
Behind my tear
We are together
Most likely forever
So sit back and relax
Cause these are the facts

There’s no doubt
That I would pout
If you were silent
I may get violent
Let’s not try that
Let’s just chat
You have no choice
You are my voice

You don’t care
That I don’t share
My friends with you
And they have no clue
You pay respect
When I show intellect
Yes you stay quiet
So they don’t riot

They think I am crazy
That my head is hazy
But they’re just jealous
That I am overzealous
They just cannot see
My friend inside me
They just don’t believe
So of me they misconceive

No I don’t need a jacket
I don’t cause a racket
No need for a padded room
Cause I didn’t eat a ‘shroom
My friend is really here
Right inside my ear
If you listen close
You will see I’m misdiagnosed

No I don’t have an ache
That pill I don’t want to take
Please un-strap us
I promise we won’t fuss
We’ll be quiet little mice
If you don’t use that device
Please leave us be
Just set us free

*Change of tone*

My friend is gone
From me she withdrawn
I think it’s because we got ill
When the doc gave us that pill
Now I’m all alone
In this great wide world unknown
No voices do I hear
No voices within my ear

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Oct. 5, 2011

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I want to fly
I want to cry
I want to finally
Do or die.

I want to live
I want to breathe
I want to give
I want to love


And rise beyond
The fires above.


I want I want
I want I want
To be able
To look you in the eye.


I want to breathe
Right down
And not to wonder why.


And I want you
To give them heck.


And I want too
To consume stew
At Waterloo
With musket balls
And Frenchmens’ calls!
Between us two.


And what I want
And what you want,
They’re not
So incompatible, you see.


We both do want so much
We’re lacking finally.


Yet at this last
I want your body.
I want your soul.
I want your warmth,
To make mine feel whole.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

One of the earlies

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