“Who is he?”
I whisper to myself
as your eyes gaze off to the distance
and treat me with the unbearable silence
I’m a little too late, I guess,
I hear your eyes scream, they confess
It is him who holds your heart
The one you’d rather hold your hand
Under the city lights
In a cold November night
But my love for you is greater than his.
So do the honor and list down the things
you so liked about him
Watch me burn myself with a pile of leaves
and reborn as him
Just let me be your light, your candle tonight
I can be him, your lover, if you like
I’ll cut my wrist, drain the blood my ancestors
passed on to me
Replace it with the words he whispers
when I’m not around
Let his words flow down my veins so you may speak
and tell me all the things you never say to me
Slit my throat with the screen of the phone you use
To capture his face, his smile, the perfection, your muse
Because you never even once
took a picture of me
— or maybe my image is just
too hideous for you to keep?
What strength of lens does he use, you say?
I can smash mine down if it’s not the same
Use the shards to peel off my skin I so badly hate
Blessed is he to have the kind that keeps you sane
I’ll unclench my claws I’ve spent years to build
Pull them out and mold me his hands and feet
Let the blood spritz all over the room
Let them spell: HERE LIES A HOLY FOOL,
WHO SURRENDERED HIMSELF FOR LOVE —
BECAUSE HIS LOVE WAS NEVER ENOUGH.
Tell my mother I died a sweetest death
And I’ll be waiting in line in the Day of Resurrect
Pour out the gasoline all over my corpse for the final touch
Say a short Ignatian prayer before you strike the match
Watch my skin; watch my veins turn to ash, turn to dust,
as I’m enveloped and swallowed by flames
‘Cause I’m tired of fighting, I’m tired of asking,
“Who is Carl, baby? I’m James.”
From now on, call me Carl.
Great cohesive flow! I was
Great cohesive flow! I was worried until I read that you wrote it in January. Embrace life's challenges because that is how we grow.
thank you very much! yes, I
thank you very much! yes, I was going through a lot when I wrote this poem. I'm still struggling nowadays but I am still holding on to the hope that it gets better.
Sounds like it. Been in that
Sounds like it. Been in that kind of position before. Dark times for sure. Hope you are better these days!!
Copyright © JessterStarshine
Thank you. I wrote this poem
Thank you. I wrote this poem last January. Thankfully, indeed I am better nowadays than when I wrote it.
:o
Pretty dark and twistedly intense read, man. Wow. When the one you love loves somebody else. Painful stuff. Nice to see your work. It Has been a while.
Copyright © JessterStarshine
Agreed, it's bittersweet,
Agreed, it's bittersweet, twisted (in the beautifully dark way), and full of sacrafice.
Push thru these days, and grow to live another life on the physical plane. There's so much to live for. Resurrect.
Thank you for reading. This
Thank you for reading. This poem conveys a very painful and dark moment in my life.