# addiction # disapointement # life # heart # truth # sadness # happiness # empty # mistakes # fate # time # difference # theone # learninglove #dreams # poetry # longing # music # dance # moonlight


Spin..spin barell cough beneath the pain left unseen house of pain
leave the normal jewelry along life's legacy two afford
shape through diamonds out in the country
solace..silence & tired...,
shape through the mark of the silent brevity
bake the toast in the overwhelming step with no regret
come, come beneath it's swirl
breakfast in order to learn ahead of time
1990...left behind the scene
wander...ponder, through us about yonder
take a carpet watch...wander
the envelope of silence
pillars of lost cheddar..
below the cast fella

David Bowie..R.I.P,
a romantic episode
it's official..let us carry light as a fairy...
we see the cat cross the road
bass your science left for corporate
pillars...pillars..sweeten the day
many rely on the shelter of his appease;
we live ahead of the flower
rose in the cement ground
building bridges number 7
in tuned harmony to its hidden beasts menagerie
outside in the middle playing second fiddle
the agency built upon a legacy calling on the sea to sea...

Silence built upon the notion of trees without leaves
Pac died many years ago along with Biggie
can't we all be set free making sweet history
Time..time unite in time feeling below the pillow
mark the man willing to be explored
cover me..cover thee change the caged reform
pillows..ancient solo, stretch your motives


Full speed, fantasy about being under my own tires, expressing myself getting even harder, Nowhere2go, not enough prayer for you, your mind is tainted and no one will ever love you, Dancing in holy white, hoping I get her attention, driving fast, gma come get me, fantasy about being under your tires, expressing myself getting impossible, the army saving my life, there are times where I breathe and I feel like im losing my life, my lungs are expiring and I'm gasping for air, and niggas around me can't even tell, Danielle, I hate that I still love her, fuck it, I'll see her in hell, I'm falling for a girl, who is the same, Jesus take the wheel, nowhere2go, there is, not enough prayer for you, I've spent my whole life depressed, I wanna end myself, my silence is golden as fuck, when I seem happy, people don't have to look, the shadows where they dwell, in the light wishing me well, I can't see and I'm paranoid, drowning myself in addiction hoping I blend in, I've been home for only a few days, and it sinks in, and it sinks in, no one loves you, nowhere2go.. I've spent all my life depressed.. thinking about death.. hoping my time is next.


Verse 1: 

If not darkness, then light

Each evanescent glow of light

Never before had

Shone on me



Memories tug at my heartstrings

resurfacing, I hide my emotions and feelings

tucked away in my heart

until it's reaching for air


Verse 2:

Until I take my last breath

I'll be with you

Until the end of time

When the time comes

'll let you know

You are the one



I never believed in love

Until I met you

I breathe for you

Each step I take

Is closer to your reality



Between the lines of hopes and dreams

Is our future

Don't let me go

'Cause you are my only one

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Well, this is about Dream Guy and our reality, to be honest. That's what we think about each other. I know this from his sister aka pre school friend. We met in 2010 in person, finally after his sister told him about me in 1994. He has a good memory and knows I'm the person his sister saw get bullied in pre-school. It might be best I try again after attracting jerks and emotionally unavailable guys that run away every time I open up about something significant in my life. Cue "Run Away" by Quietdrive from their album: The Ghost of What You Used to Be. Check out that song, it's a bittersweet song, to be honest.

Cillia Reprise

I saw her,

And was smitten.

I don't like the way they treat you,

Said I,

Grabbed the thunder bolts,

And threw them back at the sky.

Stopped the earth from quacking,

And shoved the rocks back in its face.

Spit at the raging inferno with such force,

A new ocean took its place.

She smiled at me,

And it was all worth while.

What's your name, lovely lady ?

Cillia is my name,

Said she.

I hope to see you again,

And smiled.

Let's make tonight,

Said I.

I'd like that, said Cillia.

And it was all worth while.


Be happy

It was cold out. Very cold. I didn’t want to go but I had too. The snow was past my ankles when I sunk into its fluffy consistency and to say the least I wasn’t happy. A long sleeve shirt, a sweatshirt, a fleece, and then a coat, hat, gloves, scarf, and fleece pants. That what I was wearing and it was still cold, but as I walked to the door in my eskimo like attire and grabbed the leash my dog began prancing around bringing a smile to my face. As we began our walk I planned on being outside 15 minutes max just to make my dad happy and then return to the heat of my house. As my dog and I walked up hills and down hills, we finally reached the park where I let him off his leash to run free. Immediately my dog start jumping through the snow taking bites of the white, cold, fluffiness as he went. I stood amused. He is the best dog I have ever met. He was 15 and still a puppy at heart, as proven by the dancing dog before me. At least he was having fun, I was just cold. I chased him around and made him chase me, all just games to pass the time, and then I slipped. And while I was on the ground I realized I was happy. I was happy to be outdoors, in a park, just with myself, my thoughts and my dog. I got up and started sliding on the ice and doing twirls and just pretending I was a figure skater. I was carefree. Nobody was watching me, I wasn’t trying to impress anyone, and everything in that moment was just simple and fun. For the first time in a long time I felt like a little kid again. Sliding around on the ice seemed so juvenile and yet it brought me happiness. Suddenly I could feel the warmth of the sun on me, and I could feel the ice underneath me and it all seemed peaceful. I no longer wanted to leave this winter wonderland, but then my dog found an old piece of pizza on the ground and started eating it and I had to take it away and then he was sad about it so we went home. Sometimes in life everything that could possibly go wrong does, but then there are days when only one thing goes right and I cant tell you how happy that one thing can make you. Too often I have taken things for granted even though I try not to or say I don’t. The truth is if I was not given a tomorrow, of course I would miss the people, the memories, but I would miss feeling the cold wind on my face making it go numb, and barely being able to walk because of the 4 layers I’m wearing, or the sight of my dog eating snow, or the park in the winter, or the way I felt pretending I was skating on the ice. Today was the first day in months that I have truly felt like myself and it was beautiful.


Purple smoke lingers within your quenched hazel eyes.

You're on your knees waiting for me to cry.

It seems you can't keep your scorching palms off my brisk thighs.

Your love gets me so high to the point where I can finally kiss the sky.


You look clever in your musky velvet attire.

Your thick grunts and moans set my body on fire.

Jimi says I'm the only girl he admires.

He's honestly the only man I desire.

Now watch Jimi and I get higher and higher.


God called, he said you were his favorite creation.

I hope he doesn't see what we do in my parents basement.

One day, You and  I can run off to the next train station.

You and I can make a statement.

 But for now, let your lips fix my dehydration.






Beam of light

Beam of light


I was born from explosion

From impulsion of sun

Released from heat

That tie me down

Blazed into darkness

Of endless space

Pushed thrue dark

Matter and black holes

From corner to corner of infinity

I glazed thrue time

Bounced on surfaces

I saw worlds and civilizations

Traveling on light speed

Never to be ended

Never to be destroyed

In a blink of your eye

I am here to stay

What is Love? (WIP)

"Just don't fall in love with me"

That's what you said that night,
Talking until 3 am
that boyish grin curved up the side of your face
I smirked at you and took a long drag off the cigarette dangling lazily between my fingers 
I remember staring at you with sleep deprived eyes, lids heavy from holding the weight of too many hours
yet my heart screaming for one more look
you were so handsome 
Before you, I imagined love as long, icy fingers that wrapped around your heart, that tore into the flesh of stability
Covering your eyes 
masking reality with overpriced flowers,
Guilty I love you's in the wake of an empty wine bottle after botched dinner plans 
Love wasn't something I believed existed beyond a needy, broken society that loves its labels
A widely accepted form of insanity, that's what love was
Author's Notes/Comments: 

Obviously not done...late night burst of inspiration, to be finished after a night of sleep....


the seasons change like my mood how strange but hold me tight and i turn sane. never let me go hold me to and throu even thou seasons come and go

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Had to let it out