1-10 (and I'll do it again)


my mind dares me to obsess once more

to dream of obsessions I can not ignore

my lungs dare me to breathe in again

air from an obsession that will not end

my poems dare me to reread them another time

my hidden secrets dare me to say that I am fine

my obsessions dare me to once again drive myself crazy

my insecurities dare me to always have to seem to worry

my compulsions dare me to complete them again

once, twice, three times, maybe even nine or ten

each moment dares me to forget about the last

my brain dares me to forget about the past

and all the times I gave in to this neverending task

the person inside me dares me to take off this fake mask

but the obsessions and compulsions dare me to hide

keep everything I feel locked away deep inside

my ears dare me to hear my thoughts in my brain

my eyes dare me to see the temptations in vain

my tongue dares me to taste the desire of my obsession

and as I try to sleep my mind dares me to obsess again

my compulsions dare me to perform them before I sleep

my tears dare me to dissapear from these secrets I keep

my feet dare me to take another step towards this depression

my heart dares me to get rid of every single obsession

but I wake up in the morning and the day dares me

to live through another 24 hours living with ocd

my mind becomes a broken record stuck on repeat

the obsessions fall hard onto the ground concrete

I am stuck in a permanent game of truth or dare

I play by the rules but they really aren't fair

they cause me pain and hurt, they cause me distress

and once again I hear my mind dare me to obsess

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wash your hands to wash off the obsession

panic attacks come in the midst of the tension

doing things over and over again, sick of it all

you try to ignore them but you hear them call

compulsive behaviors disrupt your life every day

and it seems there is nothing to do to take them away

it's become a habit, it's become a ritual routine

thoughts consume you and you don't know what they mean


obsessions, compulsions, torchuring you

don't know how to stop them or what to do

invading your mind, driving you insane

causing you distress, causing you pain

your so afraid, devoured by your intense fear

afraid you'll lose everything you hold dear

obsessing every single hour of every single day

hoping and wishing somehow it will just go away

don't know what to do anymore

these are thoughts you can't ignore

runaway thoughts taking over your mind

and you can't seem to leave them behind

they posses you and you can't escape

try to fix it with a little tape

but it's really hard to do that now

you want to stop them but don't know how


try to make everything perfect all the time

that will make things better in your mind

but it just starts all over again

how you wish it would all come to end

obsession after obsession fly around

making you want to just breakdown

you want to be able to somehow break free

of this prison your captive in, you want to flee


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Anything But...

My heart beats loud

Feels nothing but passionate grace

Knows nothing but the look of your face

It's anything but sane

My mind is filled with insane reasons

To have or not to have

One small touch of your exhilarating lips

It feels anything but normal

My eyes appreciate nothing but you

They are restless

And always searching

Until you embrace them with a glance

It's beyond natural

My skin locks me in

From flying everywhere at once

When you smile at me with Holy warmth

Saving me

From me…

My hands want to touch you

Feel you

Devour you

They're overcome with lunacy

The desire to caress you

It is madness incarnate…

It's anything but wisdom

And everything outlandish

My lips

You make them tremble

Make them pray for your presence

For your touch

For your kiss

The way you trace them

With your fingertips

My whole existence becomes unstable

Mania became my middle name

I don't know if you're the illness

Or the cure

All I know is that I love this affliction

And I'm dying for the cure

If I live

Or die

I'm restored…

I said before,

It's all but sensible

Sarah El Khodary

February 21, 2005

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Please talk to me; I’ll be silent again.

I’ll listen to only you

I’m not alone tonight; I’m still frightened now,

Your voice is soft, it sooths me.

I’m not afraid of you though,

I don’t know what scares me anymore.

Please correct me; I know I’m wrong

I know I’m lost, and lonely without you.

You wont judge me right?

You’ll help me escape this…

Don’t look at me though,

I’ll cry. You’re so sweet to me.

I’m bitter to you.

These tears that fall you’ll catch, wont you?

Don’t go don’t leave me alone again.

I’m sorry I block you out.

I’m scared.

You make this so complicated though, No one knows,

I’ll keep you all to myself , I promised you so.

These words of comfort you speak to me, I hold in my head,

Don’t leave me; I need you to guide me still.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This one.. it's special to me, it may not be good...but eh..

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Obsessing my life away


maybe all this time I was wrong

maybe I was like this all along

obsessing my life away to nothing

the pain it's caused me is cunning

I guess it's time to make a confession

I am living inside one big obsession

maybe those weren't voices in my head

making me feel like I should be dead

maybe they were intrusive thoughts invading

filling my mind as my happiness was fading

compulsive habits I had never noticed before

they are disrupting my life thats for sure

obsessive thoughts and worries fill my mind

how I wish I could leave these obsessions behind

but they won't go away no matter how hard I try

they make it seem like it would be better to die

I obsess about bad things happening in my life

it tears me open, cuts through me like a knife

so maybe this is what the problem is after all

perhaps this is the cause of my every single fall

what torchures me and torments me every single day

it's what turns my sky from blue to a very dark grey

will someone free me from these obsessions somehow

make these compulsions stop causing me distress now

cause the repitition day after day drives me insane

the thought after thought torments me in my brain

my mind is like a broken record that cannot be repaired

my thoughts are like deep secrets that cannot be shared

I obsess and obsess it won't stop it won't go away

I want free from my obsessive compulsive thoughts today

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Just say "no" to the urge of my comfort


sometimes I miss the destruction

sometimes I miss giving in

sometimes I miss the comfort

even though I know it is a sin

sometimes I miss staring at the wall

and letting my head bang into it

sometimes I miss the way it feels

sometimes I miss it just a little bit

sometimes I just want to do it again

just to remember what it feels like to me

I sit and tremble cause I know I got to fight it

or else the addiction will grow and I won't break free

I made a promise to you that I intend to keep

so I will fight even though sometimes I miss it so

I will not grab the weapon and I will back from the wall

when this urge to hurt myself comes I will stand and say "no"

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Can you see where your going

with that blindfold over your eyes

can you feel my tenderness

trapped by  your manacles of wealth

can you turn upward your throat

to receive a passionate kiss

or does the thought

puncture the air in your lungs

and leave you absorbed like a wrung out

emotionless sponge

Do lies trip of your tongue

and dance the fandango

do you want to just run

and disappear into a tequilla sunrise

with a slow comfortable screw

to skulk home to?

Do you love or despise

or  to this occasion fall or rise?

Do my whispers scream

inside your subconcious

burning your sensibility

and appalling your sense

of tormented taste

do you evade me

or do i invade you

a little of both

Am I soul raping you

should I leave you alone

to moan and burn

and scorch innocence

with your misplaced  morality

I think the answer is no

I will tease and torment

I'm heaven scent

be your voice of reason

until you disappear into dust

what I lack in stature

I sure  make up in lust!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

a little ditty about whoever you want it to be about !

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My Obsession

My obsession comes without obligation

It comes without knowing at all

It comes from deep within

My obsession, she is all I think of

She is my guiding light

My one quick smile i show

When my world is falling down

She is kind with her words

She knows how to calm my fears

And wipe away my tears

My obsession, is forever on my mind

Even when I am blind

She still picks me up

I miss my obsession every day

In every way,

It isn't what you think

I miss the single moment when our eyes meet

when I see her at first each time I am there....

I miss the awesome talks and the great fun we have together,

And it is right to miss the affection and acceptance and the feeling of havin someone...

I just know that there is so much more that I miss

Other than those material things

I miss the look in her eyes

Which comes as no suprise

I miss the Last hug goodbye

It was so genuine

I am glad I talked to her tonight

It helped to end a long running fight

Not with anyone other then myself

You proved me right, that Love will always win

I promise to stay by your side

And ask for your help whenever I feel I need to hide

I'll be a friend so loyal and true

I'll do anything for you, what shall I do?


It heals sometimes

It makes things right

It shuts down the fights

My obsession is all I can ever think about

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Surprisingly, this came about after a conversation with Rachael.  She was struggling with herself about what she should do about a BF...and I was tryin to figure things out myself in a similar circumstance..and I helped myself by giving her good advice...and then readin what I said. This poem has all I said to her in it...and much more that only I know..and now you. Secrets out...I love you in a way I cannot describe...

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ultimate rox -(revised)

High school

Ultimate rox

Everybody’s sox

Catch, pass

Kick some ass

Go geese!

Buff Canadian geese

We are gargantuan

That’s right we’re gargantuan!

I like Frisbee that’s right

You diss it if you wanna fight

We will defend our team

Like a major support beam

I got speed

And we don’t smoke weed

My friends got height

And that’s bloody right

Another friend is kinda tall

And he knows how to fall

He also has speed

And he’ll do a good deed

We catch the disk

At our own dam risk.

We like to dive

And feel alive

du ultimate du ultimate

du ultimate du ultimate

Its a sweet game

A really sweet game

That’s right ultimate

Throwing, catching

Running, fetching

It’s so much fun, ultimate

On the field

The mighty field

We play all day

Oh yay

It is so fun

When you’re with one

That you’re thinking of

It’s kind of like love

A love for this game

Like a great dame

It can go on and on

Like waiting for the coming dawn

There is always one more time.

Unlike when you commit a crime

Only problem is that the seasons change

We only have a short range

Hear, hear to ultimate

Its fun and so is goltimate

The sweetest game around

One day we will be crowned.

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