being lost

Where have you been?

Even though you're not around
I wish you were here to turn my
Frowns upside down
Even though you're not in sight
I know your still here
I just need to make sure I'm right
Even though you're lost in time
I need to know 
You have been on my mind
Even though you're no where near
I need you to know 
The words you said were said so clear
Even though I can't get to hear your voice
I wish we had another choice
Even though I may never speak to you again
I want you to know you will always be my friend :)

Author's Notes/Comments: 

For a long lost friend charitess... Where have you been?

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lock in between


Im lock in between, in my mind hold memeories
things we never even seen, and what we been through, take us back to our roots
We had strength going into slavery brought us bravery, but now we very lazy
But yet we lock in between

We like puppets with no controll, as we listen to counsil thats very old
Tored between the sheets, we run around like lost sheep
Shepards preach but not teach
We still lock in between

Do we see a way out there is only one, but we cant jump the gun,
We been lock in between the world or seperation, physical and spiritual segregation
It holds us back into the past without a clear future, but the present is relevant that what guide ya
But we lock in between

How long will you stay lock in between, inside them memories, inside them crazy dreams, inside life without a theme
How long will we be stuck in these catorgories of experiment, all of man made bullshit, is it not irrelevant?
How long will you stay lock in between, the answer is still a mystery, cause we all still lock inbetween

Author's Notes/Comments: 

We all stuck inbetween somthin or even every thing picture the truth of what we stuck in

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Want Some?

the dream in my head is dark and scary.
i'm afraid to sleep.
the fear pauses my heart beats.
if your dreams are messages from your sub-conscious,
then i need help fast!

my exhaustion is tearing me down quickly.
even opening my eyes is making me weary.
i don't want to dive into my thoughts,
in case i drown in their darkness.

blood, red lights flicker and dim, exposed brick walls,
like a set of a B horror film.
i'm confused, dazed, and lost.
i feel disconnected from myself,
like i'm on autopilot.
i watch myself stabbing something over and over again.
the expression on my face is one of glee.
i watch me enjoy the blood splattering onto every surface.
what the hell bleeds this much?

i awake panicked and dripping in sweat.
how could i enjoy such a murderous rage?
i do giggle when i hold a large knife,
but i thought that was because i saw my reflection in the blade.
i am concerned there's another reason,
some deep seated madness waiting to escape.
another night spent pacing instead of resting.

is it a nightmare taunting me?
do i dare force myself to see what i am stabbing?
i feel fragile, like i'm on the edge of some great discovery or doom.
can there be truth here that will heal me?
i decide to medicate.
i take the pills praying for a dreamless deep sleep.

i'm back again!
same place, now i smell something rotting.
i feel the heat of something burning.
i'm not stabbing anymore.
i'm eating, an arm, ew!
i look up at me and extend myself an offer,
"want some?"
i feel myself recoil and shake my head no,
i continue to tell myself,
"it's fatty, but that's why it taste so good well done."
i look over a the corner, and there i am,
stabbed dead, minus an arm,
what the fuck have i done?

i wake up shaking and screaming.
i'm horrified.
i killed myself and i'm eating myself?
what does that mean???
i'm afraid to guess.
am i going to destroy myself?
another night spent pacing instead of racing.
i fear the night now!

Internal Battles

Thoughts are hard to come by.
I can't focus.
I try, but thinking makes it worse.
Nothing is helping.
Confusion is dominant
But sadness is too.
Days feel pointless.
Nights are harsh, scary and lonely.
Doubts, regrets and fears flash before my eyes.
Happiness seems lost,
Or on a journey of no return.
My mind is shut down
It doesn't want to let anyone in
But there's someone trying to break through.
I know he's here to help because we've been through this before.
He pushes, pulls, and kicks at the barrier.
To him, I'm still gone, I'm not the girl he knows.
He fights for not only my happiness but his own too.
He gets the upper hand, then he has won.
Finally, I snap!
I break down, but he's there.
He stays, he helps, he makes things seem ok.
Now happiness can set back in...
But we both know it won't be long before he has to fight again.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

To my best guy friend who has always there for me.

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