The Biggest Fraud

The Biggest Fraud©

That’s me.

Don’t let this smile fool you.

Somebody needs to hand me an Oscar® or Tony®.

The award for best actress goes to. . .

The real me?

I feel broken.

A level of tired I can’t convey.

(Which says a lot as I’m a mistress of words)

Hollowed out and dragging.

Watching myself—as if disembodied—sludging through each moment

(It’s almost like being half in a coma)

Overwhelmed by life and what lies outside the safety of my cocoon,

Terrified of what is beyond the 4 walls that create the solace that is my room.

The minute I hit that door

The tears start to flow and pour.

Then I get to where I’m going—

Time to pretend it’s all okay.

Slap on the humor, the wit and “the floss”

Along with the powder, blush and gloss.

Face in place, mask in tact

Ready to fake and front my way through another day.

~Kyla Bingham / August 29, 2006

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Was/am having a particular hard time as I dashed this off this morning (08/29/2006). M.S. kicking my butt and not feeling like me. Since I haven't posted anything in well over a year, I thought I'd preserve this one on my page.

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The End..?


I reach out in the vast darkness of cold.

For the touch of a warm blanket, a hand to hold.

But I'm all alone and there's no chance of heat

I can only pray my heart keeps the beat

I hear a ringing, could it be Hells Bells?

Am I to die in this dreadful place as well?

Others lie here, making beds beneath the dirt.

Unable to feel life or know its hurt.

A cemetery of sadness, a eulogy of pain

A walzt of the sick, and utterly insane.

I claw at the wood as I'm lowered down

Casket is covered by mounds of heavy brown

Losing air, So tightly closed in...

Please let me out, do not keep me in!

My eyes are blackening, I cannot see.

Not the end... This cannot be.

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Socially Transmitted Disease

Older stuff

To follow the crowd like a blind wolf, knowing if you try to stray you're just toss up for next meal. Throw a bit of effort into following your own trail, cause sometimes the wolves have no idea where they're going in life, and are the first to die. Looking for an excuse to release yourself from the tension of personal dramas and awkward moments, this is the most horrible thing a human can suffer. It's called living, and it's a disease that you get from seeing the actions of others, no matter how selfish or selfless they are, they all come back to what they believe is pregidist or under the right way of the lord. To bash those who have accepted a new style of life, or to fight what they secretly fear. Always trying to make life a one lane street, when life has so many open roads and hidden passages yet to be discovered. Constantly moving in all directions, its like a roller coaster...just go with the ride. Everything we do is important, no matter how uninspiring or how unnoticed it is. Just keeping up with trying to figure out a point in which we live to understand and think the things we do. Never truly understanding the true potentials of ourselves, we work together hard to make what is close to a perfect life, the way things should be. The possibilities are endless to those who accept the ways of life, no matter how hard it is sometimes, there is a reason to keep up fighting. It is to fight this disease of a society that we have become.

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No rest

English poems

It's time for me to rest for a while

My condition is not that good

But hell, I can't seem to leave behind

Whatever it is that I must do

I know it’s been in overtime

I shouldn’t be here anymore

But that workaholic part of me

Seem to like the stress in store

But then again by head’s in pain

My body is just saying no

My eyes are swollen and tears are forming

I could cry in stress ever so

But I wouldn’t cry even if I feel it

For when I do I’ll be okay

Then I would again want to work

And I’ll be working for the rest of the day

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Disruption and Chaos

This feeling is overwhelming me.

With your face pressed against the glass.

I remember your voice so clearly now,

That it hurts to think about the damage you caused.

Never forget who you promised to protect.

Because this will never fade from my mind.

I hope you burn away.

These memories will never leave me.

Don't tell me to stop crying.

It's the only thing I know how to do so well.

Besides fucking everything up.

Cuz that is such a hobby of mine.

You tarnished this innocent mind.

And you let me fall flat on my face.

Without a single word of wisdom,

You let me faint into the blackness.

So still am I.

Still breathing.

Still living.

Still reaching.

Still grieving.

Still dying.

I can't believe I am still here.

Touch my hand and let me go.

I don't want to hold on any longer then I need to.

As painful as it is,

This sweet release will save my soul.

Sweet dreams my shadow.

It's your turn to walk alone.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I'm fading it all out, because my love for you confuses the shit out of me... and yet I like it.. I REALLY like it...

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Rhythmic Thoughts (viii/xii/mmv)


.....trying to have a good time...but there's shit lurking in the back of my mind...i don't like having feelings of uncertainty...i don't like the uneasiness that lies deep within me...i am in love...that i know is true...i know what i want in life...and what i have to do...i am doing the most with what i have, where i am, as i can, right now...with my higher goals always in mind...and always doing the most i can to accomplish them within my timeline...I want to live someplace secure...I want to live in a place I feel love makes me feel safe and secure...why can't i just know where i stand in this relationship of ours...why can't you just stop being so damn cold...every time you have shit goin through your skull...makin me rack my brain...slowly driving me insane...because I think that I am the cause of all this...that I am the one who needs this all to make sense...why cant you just talk to on the days when we first the way you always told me you would want us to the way you told me that communication is key...and that we need to be open with one another...or else we will cease to be...together...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 8.12.05

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Ominous Thought

Personal Poems

Sitting alone,

Staring at the keyboard.

So much to say,

Yet nothing to write.

I want to talk,

Something’s bothering me inside.

I don't know what it is.

I’m not content.

I’m restless,

I need something,

Yet I don’t know what it is.

Feelings I can't put into words.

Not happiness,

Not sadness,


I don't know,

But I want to.

I sit,

In the darkness,

The screen burns my eyes.

So many people to talk to,

Yet I have nothing to say.

It’s hurt from the inside,

Scratches to break free.

But I don't know what it is,

Or understand why.

I try to act happy,

Yet there are times it takes over.

I don't hear the world,

I'm lost in thought.

Do I think too much?

Or not enough?

I can't explain,

I can't do anything at all.

For now I sit,

I think,

I wonder.

A friend?

Is that what I need?

No I have plenty yet its still there...

Tell the truth?

I have, and still it remains.

Perhaps something more,

Maybe that’s what I need,

Rid me of my loneliness,

Something there, whenever I need.

But how?

But Where?

Even then it might not be enough,

To rid me of this torment.

This need to do something.

Yet I don't know what.

I can't explain it even now.

I try to write,

Write to understand.

But it still doesn’t' make sense.

I don't know what I feel.

And on top the hurt, pain, and hunger,

It’s diluted away.

A shimmer of a thought,

Yet it burns my soul,

Hurts my head,

And strains my heart.

A constant pressure,

In my head,

And nothing I do,

Makes it go away.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

It's how I feel, the best I can explain to the paper. I don't know what it is, and even this hasn’t helped me figure out what it could be.

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Mom struggles

mom's poems

Mom struggles

Mom struggles

I see everyday

From the time

I awake until

I close my eyes

To sleep at night.

I see her struggles

In her face like a

Shadow hovering over

Her. The pain she

Can’t escape of

Her body hurting


She’s just trying to make

Ends meets like everybody

Else in this world today!

I cry in silence because

I know there’s nothing

I can do to take mom’s

Pain and struggles

Away. I ask god

To put her pain

And struggles on me

So my mom will

Be pain and

Struggle free

from this day!

June 23rd  2005  

Author's Notes/Comments: 

the title explains itselfs

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A Shotgun Message

Running away from this path,

Trapped in a beautiful flood,

Conformity and righteous agressors,

Corruption of this ugly mold,

Intolerance of a being's life,

Roses given,

Roses burning,

Roses for brutality,

Insult to injury,

Injustice to innocence,

Prossecution to the untainted souls,

In this world,

Set this world all a blaze,

In this sea of anarchy,

As we pass our hate on,

Gone is the will to survive,

We are the children of the beast,

Brought upon hate,

Formed to be destructive,

As evolution goes backwards.

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