I have to disappear

from the numbers

and the paper.

I have to hide

from the smoke

and twisted metal.

I have to hide

from the illogic

and rapid speech.

Into the beauty

of flowing tender words

and vibrant colors

of my canvas.

I have to forget

the present

and disappear

into the color

to survive.

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Cruelty beyond words could describe

The live animal's body left sitting in the open

Open for the world to see

Its bloody heart and its soft intestines

Sickened with disgust

I shut my eyes

Red spots splatted in my closed lids

Ran out of the classroom

Slammed the washroom door

Shivering with shock

Letting out my complaints to the toilet

Standing alone in the mirror

As shivers transformed me into a blur of red and blue

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I hate watching biology films... makes me sick to the stomach... gross. : (

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"December 9"

by Jeph Johnson


every date

around again
next year

last night
december 9
there we were

last night
december 9
the pizza came
while we wrapped presents
from the cats
you shloshed your stein
while I sipped my
sweet girlie cooler

what about these kisses
graciously offered my neck...?
what about the fact
that you're straddling me?

she is not just
she is
december 9
all night)
to make me happy

I am not accustomed to
happiness of this magnitude
despite partaking
too often in activities
with "people" not so eager
or unfamiliar with
my mind's complexities

december 9
too much pleasure
to continue
in such a
state of awe
december 9
inside-out like that
I wouldn't work right
december 9
could not function

sounds so silly
to describe
but people so
completely attracted
to every facet of you
need to consolidate their passion
this is my way
but not by choice

previous encounters
pre-"that Friday"
were sappy sentimental weeping
from happiness inside
now december 9
crying from frustration outside
there were no smiles
the tables turned
when the table overturned
so the monster ran and hid

on the analytical nature
of december 9
I come up with this:

I can't feel happy outside

they sometimes say...
what is inside
is what counts

I hope that is true
while you hover
above my body
(like christmas cats
chasing laser light)
jump under my mind

I want you that way
but more than that
I want your carefree
"go with the flowedness"
to permeate
every day
december 9
I will try for
for the hours
next to you
were when and where
I've waited
a lifetime to be

where and when were you
december sixth!?!
I am so much
better december 6
...than december 9

Author's Notes/Comments: 

for Twilla, 2001 

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I tend to a tattered garment,

Covered with patches

Of emotional Repair,

Seems before I finish

The very last stitch,

I find another tear.



Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just when you think you got it figured out. just when you think you healed from a pain. You find theirs more work to be done.

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if your finger nails have ridges

they say that is a sign there is stress in your life

I can say from personal experience

there must be something to this

for I have nails you could wash cloths on

each day I try to eliminate the causes of the stress

I am getting there but it takes time

but I feel better today than I have in a while

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