Irony

THE GOOD FIGHT

I fight the good fight

I pluck those rebel grays

In all their subtle shades

Leaving only the jet blacks

Of the boy I long forgot



I imagine those grays and jets

In a back alley fight

Like a rumble from "West Side Story"

But the grays are winning

And the scene turns out badly



Then there's the Battle of the Bulge

No, not the epic battle of The 40's

But the epic battle of My 40's

Just my own private hell

In front of a full length mirror



Hmmm...if only I could grow

Another foot taller...

Then I'd bitch-slap Father Time

But he bobs and weaves

Better than Muhammed Ali

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I'm already 6'4", but I'd rather keep growing taller than exercise or eat less!

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tags:

"Clergynity"

 

by Jeph Johnson

 

I asked a religious friend of mine, who is a big fan of Pearl Jam, and is always trying to convince Eddie Vetter abortion is wrong,

 

(so are condoms, by the way)

 

how many 33-year old virgins he knew.

 

I was trying to argue that being a devoted Christian for ten years made me some sort of weird freakish outcast.

 

No one believes me anyway, and then when I try to explain myself I get smirks of disbelief.

 

I was told by my church-going buddies (who'd lost their virginity in high school while "backsliding") that some girl will really appreciate it some day.

 

Now all I meet are single mothers, divorcee's and seventeen-year-old's who are more experienced than I am.

 

...and they could care less!

 

I asked him again: 

 

"How many 33-year-old virgins do you know of?" 

 

He smiled.

 

I had forgotten he was Catholic.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

1999, 2017

AUDIO AVAILABLE ON FACEBOOK

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