by Jeph Johnson


I asked a religious friend of mine, who is a big fan of Pearl Jam, and is always trying to convince Eddie Vetter abortion is wrong,


(so are condoms, by the way)


how many 33-year old virgins he knew.


I was trying to argue that being a devoted Christian for ten years made me some sort of weird freakish outcast.


No one believes me anyway, and then when I try to explain myself I get smirks of disbelief.


I was told by my church-going buddies (who'd lost their virginity in high school while "backsliding") that some girl will really appreciate it some day.


Now all I meet are single mothers, divorcee's and seventeen-year-old's who are more experienced than I am.


...and they could care less!


I asked him again: 


"How many 33-year-old virgins do you know of?" 


He smiled.


I had forgotten he was Catholic.


Author's Notes/Comments: 

1999, 2017


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