coming out

Prolougue - The Day before my Freshman Year Summer 2012

I just had an epiphany.

The day before my freshman year in highschool... or it might have been July third, I asked my mom to go on a ride with me. I was going to come out to her. We drove around and little was said, I cried alot and I didn't come out. It reminds me of Fun Home "Telephone Wire."  

This book is everything I wanted to say that night that I couldn't. A culmination of thoughts and anxiety that I can't keep to myself. 

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Is it bad that....

Is it bad that

I'm starting not to care?

About people and how

they'll stop and stare?

Or is it normal?

That I feel this way?

That seeing this one person

brightens up my day?

People say its wrong,

that I shouldn't even try?

But they don't understand

and can't give me a reason why...

It's so wrong to be with this person

because they can cause trouble?

But what if its beyond my control?
And I burst their little bubble?

Why can't they be on my side,

or just be happy for me,

Is it bad that I love them?

Just because they're a She?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

It's about a girl who is confused about a lot lately. And the person they love's true identity is revealed at the end

Same Love

Ever since I was small,

my parents say I was the world.

They couldn't wait for me to grow up,

and marry some special girl.

But lately this have gotten weird,

and I don't know what to do.

How do you tell your parents

That the one you love is the same sex as you?

I dated girls all my life,

kissed them and touched them just the same,

but I felt I was playing a character,

or a board piece in a game.

I'd found a girl I thought I loved,

and tried to change the way I felt.

But everytime he would walk by

my frozen heart would melt.

So we moved around in secret,

trying to hide the way we are

We moved from stolen kisses in the dark,

to holding hands beneath the stars.

Until one day she caught us.

We both froze mid-embrace.

I couldn't bear to look her way

and see all the hurt in her face.

She stamped away without a word,

I thought It was over and done.

But then I got a call from home,

telling me to come home Mr. daughter/son.

I admit that hurt a little bit,

why couldn't they understand.

That I was the same kid I always was,

I was just in love with a man.

My father was angry and indignant,

he said that I was a disgust.

That if i continued to act this way,

My moving out was a must.

My mother was much worse,

all she did was stare and cry.

She said she wished I would

have just kept up with the lie

She asked me why would I do this,

weren't girls good enough?

I said it didn't matter man or woman

it was the same love.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlVBg7_08n0

I listened to that song by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis and it made me feel "some type of way" so I wrote this because it was inspiring.

 

From birth we're taught that Girls love boys and vice versa, and society made us believe it was "wrong" to feel any other way. So I wrote this about a boy who starts to realize that he is gay and the reactions of those around him. NOT MY BEST BUT I LOVE IT :)

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Accepting.

I had accepted it myself, but would they?

Have all those years of church finally gotten to their brain?

How would I tell them?

What could I do?

I knew that the only thing I needed to do was be true.

I walked into her room, clamy, shaking.

"Have a minute mom?"

Then I said it, those two little words.

"I'm gay."

My heart was pounding, I was sweating through my shirt.

She said nothing.

She cried.

But she surprised me that day.

See, I was sure she would through that book at me and send me to be "fixed"

but instead she held me and said that to her I was still perfect.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Coming out to my ever so Christian mother.

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The Phone Call That Killed My Brother

Right before his car crashed in to the old oak tree,

 

 

I saw him scream, I saw him cry, I saw him turn inside out.

 

 

I know my twin brother better than the girls he tricks to his treats,

 

 

Girls that leave him with scratch marks on his back like a cat to post.

 

 

He was there when I was born, I was there when he learned to kiss,

 

 

He was there when I played my first recital, I was there at his death.

 

 

I'm always with him, I don't have to know where he is, or even see him.

 

 

Look through a forest and you know the birds are singing, but not seen.

 

 

So as I stared at him through the eye piece of shared DNA prior death,

 

 

He answered a call from our mother with troubling news about me.

 

 

His twin brother, myself, had just come out of the closet, and it was all

 

 

His fault, the fighting, the name calling, the harassing, the banter;

 

 

At least that is what was going through his mind. I wouldn't know.

 

 

I only felt his pain through the love of two brothers, two, but one.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

let me know what you think.

that little girl inside

I say to that little girl inside

there's no longer any need to hide

these fears you have are not the truth

trust me friend time to let loose

 

I love you dear with all my heart 

come closer now and hear this part

you're free to be yourself you know

open your heart and let it show

 

share with others what you learn

help them see what they can't discern

guide them as they learn to fight

show them how to find the light

 

have some fun along the way

spread your wings and trust your play

power from your greatest source

the heart of child spreads joy of coarse

 

I say to you little girl I cried

in me I swear you can confide

I will not push you back inside

instead I vow I will provide

 

the safest place where you'll reside

we'll take everything in stride

and you and me will set aside

our hate our blame our shame our pride

 

all the pain will soon subside

as you and me become allied

our hearts will become bona fide

as our love is re-applied

 

to everything we do or say

we'll try not to go astray

but if we do we will not punish

we'll forgive and then astonish

 

all those who did not believe

all those who still misconceive

and all of those who preconceive

or better yet tried to deceive

 

they will see that we are free

but there really is no guarantee

that any of them will concede

that they were wrong or couldn't see

 

truth be known is not well taken

don't want for you to be mistaken

we always fear we'll be forsaken

but truth will help us reawaken

 

I say to you little girl inside

it's time now for me to step aside

and let you finally decide

to come out from this place you hide

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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