The two Poets who have: The two Poets who have commented on this prior to me have completely expressed what I would have said anyhow, and they have expressed it better than I could.
I agree, with just one: I agree, with just one reservation, that this poem should not be further edited, because it reads so well as it is. The one alteration I would suggest is to change "round 2" to "round two." And those last ten or so lines are very, very powerful.
This poem has a very playful: This poem has a very playful tone to it, like the scherzo in a symphony. This is how I imagine your actual conversational voice to be.
I applaud your use of active: I applaud your use of active verbs, of the "ing" ending for some of those verbs, and for building the poem up to that triumphant, hopeful, and celebratory final line. This is an excellent poem.
This is some very heavy, yet: This is some very heavy, yet very astute, poetry to write at the age of seventeen. You were more observant of human nature, at that age, than I was; and I applaud you for it!!!
One of the burdensome aspects: One of the burdensome aspects of being a Poet is that sometimes we have to face, report on, and describe the horrific aspects of our common existence. The fact that you realize this, and with unflincing candor you acknowledge it, tells me you have the right stuff for Poetry.
In four short lines, you: In four short lines, you describe what---in my opinion---is one of the great metaphysical paradoxes of our existence: our burdens singe us like flames, and yet in the pain of that injury, we know we are alive.
Aww thanks and I you! I'm: Aww thanks and I you! I'm around but have injured my dominant hand and have chronic referred pain syndrome. Everything takes so long with my other hand. I am now part machine screws and rods... but I am around here and there I try and read as many as I can and comment where I can. Inspiration can run dry quicker. I try to give a read for a read and a comment for a comment but the last year i just cannot. Pain is my old friend, but a chameleon always changing... hiding and reappearing in new places and new ways, but staying positive and strong is a duty and an honour!
I am completely sure you live: I am completely sure you live in my mind! I wish inhad not the pain in my hand to write what is truly deserving of you and your perfect perfunctory epigenetics that are so perceptive and so eloquent a grand master teacher, yes a poet and interpreter of inspirations, precise and meticulous yet not more than is necessary to convey! Truly a jewel in the crown of creation
Mauch love Life and joy, hugss
A very powerful strategy:: A very powerful strategy: declaring, in the most riveting and eloquent way, that your love is so great and the loss so immense, that all creation speaks of it.
Looking Heavenward, your stirring poem takes a comforting, inspirational turn and puts it all into perspective with the words: "Everything seems so small now"
A dazzling and shattering expression. I'm feeling every word. Wonderful.
Like tuning forks, your: Like tuning forks, your electrifying lines set the reader's vibrations to the frequency of a highly evolved connection. Using metaphors for sound (the building materials of the universe itself) you constructed a voyage into the deep realm of "sacred energy", "a symphony of etherial musings" and a "spiritual liturgy" that encompasses all of life's richness of experience, from "Dizzying highs" to "resounding lows". And isn't that why we're here? To experience it all, to expand by "Shuffling the order of truths and mystic mysteries/ Coming full circle where withall/ then bounding off again."?
With spiritual references and ecstatic, striking language, you make these "manic adventures", simultaneously harrowing and glorious and absolutely worth every moment, feel like a privilege, not a burden.
What's truly transporting is the way this poem never lands, but suggests a never-ending union between individuals and all consciousness.
An opulently constructed banquet for the heart and soul. Rapturous and wondrous!
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