Flows like a river of tears: Flows like a river of tears across whole continents, combining oceans with a garland of the surviving water lilies who thrive on the soothing subtle sound of sweet emotion
The new structure is: The new structure is definitely working for you, I think, the stanzas work really nicely together and the poem itself holds up very well as a whole
Yes! Starward yet lives! So: Yay! Starward yet lives! So that we all may relish in those amazingly famous poems of his on the chronicles of sockboy! he-heeeee! To be completely honest, though I am reluctantly shy to admit it, I find I've actually learned quite a lot from said theme; and for that, we thank you.
This poem feels like someone: This poem feels like someone caught between sea and shore,
spilling fragments of self while reaching for something beyond. The refrain “I do not exist” lands heavy,
but the nautical imagery keeps it moving, almost like a song half‑sung.