The Reasons

The blinding-

blaring headlights in the window- that was the reason
The reason why I broke away from your embrace
Why I smeared the lipstick stains from my face-
Slammed my finger to your lips-
Wishing you didn't exist.
The reason why I whispered and pleaded for your silence.
For this scene soon turn violent-
As she parks the car.

The way she gathers my sons-
Hand to hand, stroking their blushing cheeks; light kisses upon their foreheads-

reassurance of unity-
That was the reason.
The reason why I pushed you to the floor-
Regretting our conversations -
You weren't worth the humiliation as you continue to grab for my attention.

The age progressing photos
Of my children shattered on the dwellings.

The eyes of my offspring-

their hands, ears, lungs, hearts and the oxygen they breathe- these are the reasons.
The reason why I warned you to leave before my commitment entered our abode. 
You start to resist as I ball up my fist-
Tension and silence result into violence.
I strike you once.
Erasing all of the broken promises- discrete gestures.
Subtle smiles.
Faint touches.
Reluctant stares.
Your screams-
Only make me angry.
"I told you to shut up."
As I grasp your neck.

Her smile as she caresses the gentle heads of my children.
The way she grabbed my hand while saying her vows.

That stare she gives when waking up by my side. That twinkle.
That twinkle is the reason.
The reason why I didn't stop when you gasped for air. 
The realization that she might leave-
Tighten my grip.
The footsteps of my children- light but pounding-
Mirror my heart beat.
Their little voices screaming my name- 
The reason why-
The reason why you'll never be found.
A mistress that I've had my all.
Just a memory.
Never to be thought of again.
As I enjoy my reasons-
The reasons why you no longer exist. 

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