Living In My Shell

I can hear the busy city life right outside my window,

People rushing around to get where they have to be.

I remember when I was always moving and on the go,

Things are different now that the anxiety has taken over me.


The fear of what’s out there has consumed my brain,

Every waking moment is a struggle for me.

No one knows the depths of my pain,

I have locked it up and thrown away the key.


Feelings of no one understanding what I go through,

Thinking the worst will always happen, without a doubt.

Hiding in my home has become what I do,

I’m living in a shell and keeping everyone out.


How do I get away from this, I just want to be free,

It’s got a hold on me and I’m trying to let go.

I want my life back; I want to be happy.

This fear I feel just continues to grow.


Maybe one day I will get the happiness that I crave,

Until then I will continue to fear all.

Staying in my shell and trying to be brave,

 Continuously living behind my built up wall.

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tearing down that wall

tearing down this wall! 2015




these walls they surround me strong and unbreakable in there thickness


im screaming for help at the top of my voice but its echoing within a quickness


im pounding with hands so scared up and know i've done this before as i recall


they need to come down no more isolation so i'm tearing down this wall


my past has made me put them up to save myself from all my pain so true


once its up its impenitrable in all there security and others have no clue


why i need my solitude and feel very comfortable being alone so i dont fall


but the more i think on it the more i know that i need to be tearing down this wall


others wanna hurt me and brick by brick it rises so high it almost reaches the sky


and with out it i feel naked and unprotected and so very much all alone


should it stay or should it go that is all i think about and confusion' smade me groan


someday i will be able to push that wall right down so i can hold my head up tall


so i'll keep on earing down untill one day it crumbles and i've torn down that wall




Author's Notes/Comments: 

i wrote this one because i realized i had a wall so thick around me that i couldnt let no one in and realized if i didnt tear down that wall i would never truely be happy


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There was a wall,

Right there standing,

So conceited yet it was not that able after all,

To prevent my eyes from seeing my angelic darling.


At times thought I of scaling it over,

Decided against it,

Few seconds later,

Yet relieved I was since we could like a nippy flash meet.


How can I rub out those golden memories,

From my existence consequently?

Any eraser is on hand in this,

Floating ball of ours hardly.


Indivisible you and the wall are,

Even if it’s physically dead,

You are not, yet so far,

As the hardest wall between you and me is erected.


This wall can easily be formed in a factual sense,

But not that trouble-free,

To evaporate within seconds as in magic happens,

Perhaps it’s life’s cruel game for us, perhaps it’s destiny!

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We all have walls put up,


mine is put up so high not to let anyone else in,


doing so causes pain, and pain I can't bare to have.


So many pains run through me,


broken ones,


ones that hurt so much that the pain from deep within comes out and puts you in a daze,


the ones that make you not want to care anymore,


to be lost and never found,


pain is not love and love is not pain,


pain is pain,


we can't rise up,


we are put right back down,


to have this pain,


is like having someone reach deep inside of your chest,


grab your heart and pull so that...


your dead.


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