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I can do things your past can’t.

the good, the bad, the in between

not that you are

a game or a prize

but just that I want everything and

I’m only human when I see tears

I just want to put you in a corner

someone told me once

exhaustion is being stuck in an emotion

I feel it

when I get

hot and angry

turn into

some sort of spikes

shoot them at the moon

I am

some sort of swelling you can’t undo

I will never catch up to the memories

I wake to loneliness so sure of itself

I turn into fists

that never land anywhere

go to bed

so tired again

that I can’t sleep

I am waiting for a light to turn on that does not have a switch

I have crescents worn into my palms

because I like to tell myself I am better than a blade

but I am not quite better than this

all the milestones feel like boulders

I have been

stacking up on the top of this hill

fuck I am so fucking sick of running

hoping they will not catch me

so

yes it is not quite that I am

angry

or longing

or murderous

or jealous

or just fucking tearing myself apart

it is not quite that I love you

that I’m human

that so were you

it is not quite that I’m ready

for the silence to catch up to me

for all these ghosts to go

it is not quite that I am

afraid you will leave me

it is that I am

afraid you will want to and won’t

afraid I am every part of the building blocks you have been searching for

but they have been assembled all wrong

afraid I am half of every column in this house of gods

and still you will have nothing to stand on

afraid I will climb and climb and never make it

afraid you have invited me in

and I pulled the door off its hinges on the way in

afraid I will never stop seeing his face through your memory

or stop falling asleep to all the one liners that live in my head

afraid I will love you with two hands

one I was born with and

one I have carefully created through all these comparisons

afraid I will never stop trying to build myself into a hybrid

something you could want in those lives you used to dream of

someone you could stay with when the world walks backwards

and if I finally succeed

afraid I will leave me stranded on the floor when I am gone

  I'm jealous of it all!

Because we're far apart  the road sure seem so long

And even thou I'm dying inside I try to stay so strong

The sun it gets to see you when it rises up so tall

But hear I am alone for now and I'm jealous of it all

You go about your day of work patrolling all around

And do it all so silently and dare not make a sound

Cuz if the enemy hears you your sure to take a fall

But hear I am praying for you while I'm jealous of it all

I want our life to begin right now but you've still got work to do

So hear I await for you to finish so we can start our life anew

But while your over seas my love your men see you stand so tall

While I know you love me so my dear im still jealous of them all

                   Zoeycup16

I

naked on the beach,
no towel underneath,
and the sand gritty
beneath, into, and
on top of everything
while lying next to the
ocean's rising tide,
the sea of hating,
remembering all
the loathing words
you spewed, berating,
salty drops of your envy
and resentment,
lost enchanment
drowns me, pulled
into the undertow
of remorse...

par for the course.

10:47 PM 4/27/2013 ©