apathy sadness depression loss

Why? I'm Curious.

Folder: 
Finished Poems

Why did God make us, I'm curious, was he lonely;

Why did Adam fall for Eve, I'm curious, was it fate;

Was my mom meeting my father destiny for the future or misfortune for the past;

I can't help but be curious...

 

Why did God bless my mom with her last child, why did she miscarry her second child;

I'm curious, why am I blessed with a beautiful mother and sister;

Why am I blessed with a smart stepfather that took my family in;

I'm sorry i'm so curious...

 

Is it bad I'm this curious;

Why did Travis have to join the military and take his life;

Why did Josh do what he did;

Why did my mom wait to tell me;

It hurts to be curious, was me being depressed a good thing;

Does my mom like me better when I'm out of her way?

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Emptiness

I can't explain this feeling,
this emptiness,
its dragging me in,
dragging me down,
I can't wipe away this damn frown.
I know its because of you,
or maybe I'm wrong,
maybe its just me,
and things are just getting to me,
like they always do,
but I want you here,
I want you near,
I want you where you're suppose to be,
where I thought you'd always be.
But I guess not.
So I sit,
and I wait,
this emptiness filling me up,
and dragging me down.

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Taken Away

Taken away
My hopes and dreams
My happiness
Not what it seems

No thought of family
Lifes so unfair
The pain and torment
I can hardly bear.

So unforgiving
Teens can be
Whispered comments
That I still see

Depression sets in
My lifes a mess
Friends I once had
Think of me less

Fighting and yelling
I close my ears
The salty taste
Of my tears

Turning to violence
My mother battered
I run away
As if it mattered

No future no college
No boyfriends in tow
I make my own way
I reap what I sew

Seems so unfair
That a life so blessed
Winds up in limbo
Sad and depressed

What could have been
What should have been
Had my life been different
Educated, Insightful, a leader of men

Author's Notes/Comments: 

My life after my parent's divorce at age 13

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My Own Cell

My Own Cell

Fifteen squares lying jagged upon the floor

I’ve walked them a hundred times or more

I have counted them over and over many times

But I have never set foot on one single line

You have not come one solitary time to visit me

But I do not blame you I would not want to see

What I have become is the worst thing of all

Just a lonely man surrounded wall to wall

Yes it might be true that I am locked within this cell

Or is it you that is locked without in your own Hell

Now I lay in my bed counting the falling grains of sand

Just trying to survive in this cell that I made by hand

Fire kills 289 (in Pakistan)

I mourn the dead and the dying
The burnt, the disfigured
I mourn the charred bodies
And the bright red faces
Of carbon monoxide poisoning
Deceased, gasping for oxygen
I mourn the screams for help
And the helplessness of those trying
To extinguish the fire wildly raging

I mourn the people responsible
I mourn the simple measures that were over looked
I mourn the channels for their blatant greed
All that desolation aired
In its nakedness
For the world to see

I mourn the relatives left behind
Their tears and the cries
I mourn the destitute
I mourn their tragedy

But most of all
I mourn the heartless
I mourn their promises
I mourn their money

And I mourn their ignorance
When they will burn
I mourn the Day of Judgment
When true justice will prevail

Till then I mourn

Author's Notes/Comments: 

It hurts to see and hear all the tragedies that have besought this poor country. The biggest problem being the ruthless attitude of the ruling elite and the high and mighty. It is painful

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Leaden Paralysis

Feet so heavy
Arms so heavy
Thoughts so heavy
Eyelids heavy levees
So no more tears.

Lying in bed
Gun to head
Can't pull the trigger
My finger is lead.

No use in crying
I keep living
I keep dying

Wasp in amber
Exists forever

Can't breathe

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Necral Bird

I hear the song of the necral bird.
I hear the sad tune and know the pain.
I too wish to sing
but in my mind
I find no song dark enough to sing.

Even when my stars shines
I find my voice has stayed,
stayed behind with the necral bird,
to sing with him
his bitter sweet song.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Another old poem.

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Mistakes

I lay in bed
i lay in pain
i lay in mourning

something is dying inside,
a flame distinguished,
a wildfire put out

i shouldn’t have gotten close to you
i shouldn’t have let down my guard
i should have known.
what’s the point in loving someone if they make you feel like this?

i gave you everything
and now i’m left here alone
with only memories
and another reason for tears.

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Life Happens Now

Folder: 
Poems

There's bullet holes where my soul used to be
There's nothing more in your world left for me
Its the end, its all gone awry,
I'm nothing more but a tear in your eye

Life happens now
You can see it all in the stars
This wasn't meant to be, now its just scars!

So whats going on today?
Don't you want me there to save your day?
Just like all the times before
The times before you thought you were something more.

Life happens now
You can see it all in the stars
This wasn't meant to be, now its just scars!

So why does it all end now?
No longer needed, I'm useless somehow
Oh how fast things change in your mind
Feeling used I just want to rewind

Life happens now
You can see it all in the stars
This wasn't meant to be, now its just scars!