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I've never really been in love

never felt that heart racing, gut wrenching, head spinning fall down the rabbit hole of emotions.

Just, just been to the edge.

Stood on the edge almost falling teetering back and forth but never truly falling.

Never truly knowing what it was all about.

Never really understanding how it affects the human mind, 

How it clouds your vision, your judgement, your entire perspective of life.

All my life the closest I've come has been the edge. 

All my life I have hoped for, longed for, tried as hard as I could to acquire the ultimate goal.

But maybe that's why it hasn't happened.

Maybe the fact that I've been trying so hard,

is why it is always just out of my grasp.

Maybe if I just went through life normally treating people like people instead of possible soulmates,

maybe that's what I'm doing wrong.

I've wanted love so badly that I've forgotten the things between.

All the things that keep people going like friendship, kindness, compassion, not romantic but just,

Comfortable.

Maybe if I accept that I don't have it it will find it's way to me.

Maybe all I need to do, is stop trying.