Wow! I don't think I have: Wow! I don't think I have sufficient words to describe the effect of this evocation upon the reader's experience. And your powerful phrases---in the fifth and sixth lines, and in the ninth and right on into the final line---summon a sense of something I cannot articulate, but it is very definitely present. I hope to see many more of these from you; we can never have quite enough.
Thank you. You're always very: Thank you. You're always very kind about my work
Im particularly foul mouthed in average speech and wanted to add a drop of my naturally visceral nature in since none of my other work contains that, usually.
You'll see it now and then as I'm starting to let loose the rest of my drafts. Sometimes it's necessary because I feel strongly about many subjects and it requires expletive emphasis.
I also wanted it to feel a little silly since I'm normally quite serious in my writing but I'm jovial in person.
Thanks for understanding!
Except for the expletive in: Except for the expletive in the final line, this is a magnificently evocative poem. And that fourth line, the phrase "body of my want," is one of the finest I have ever read here, or elsewhere (and I have been reading Poetry for half a century as of this past April).
In most cases, we could use: In most cases, we could use less mass confusion, but something tells me that when it comes to a film about Barbie, sprinkling some in might do good. We may have to find someone in the community here who can design a prototype haha.
Well, it's not that it isn't: Well, it's not that it isn't well written. Much better to write it out than to act it out.
I always stayed well behind the yellow line when any stranger was directly around him on the subway platform. Just in case, for someone, writing poetry wasn't enough.
It’s my mind..: It's my mind if you don't mind. It's pretty abyssmal in there as you pointed out. I dive in there on occasion to clean stuff out. I wasn't that successful as my most recent poem illustrates.
I was just playing around: I was just playing around with the Barbie film. I haven't seen it yet but Ken and Alan (long since discontinued) were dolls in the series. Maybe Mattell should add a "George" doll to the series. It would add a touch of surrealism and mass confusion to the mix.
Thank you very much for that: Thank you very much for that very complimentary comment. That you find the poem to be horrific means I have succeeded. Your validation makes me feel much better about the poem.
I deeply appreciated the mention of Dante who was, as you guessed, in the back of my mind when I wrote it. His Inferno was one of the first long poems I read in my first couple of years of reading Poetry.
Your phrase fun-sized, white-knuckle chills brought the widest of grateful smiles to my face,
Gasp! I mean that in a very: Gasp! I mean that in a very good way. I mean that as: "Wow! If it was horror you were going for, you delivered!"
The reader really plunges into an abyss of pure terror here. For me, what really turned the screws with savage, Dante-like eloquence was the blistering vividness of your descriptions and a voice like an avalanche of doom.
And that grand finale: it really did resound with what could be an exact definition of horror. Your blazing imagination never takes a holiday, great wordsmith!
An outstanding example of fun-sized, white-knuckle chills.
Hello there. I haven't read: Hello there. I haven't read your stuff in probably 2 years. You have really grown and blossomed as a writer. This poem kicks Ass. Hope to see more! And IM me sometime if you want.
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