You rushed in like a forceful wind.
You did not ask, you just let yourself in.
I tried hard to stop it but I was not strong.
You tore down the bricks that made up my walls.
Standing there as bare and naked as I could be.
That is when you crept in and stole me.
Small sweet words were all it ever took.
To keep me swimming for that silent, sharp hook.
The screams inside my brain would never cease.
I cupped my hands around my ears and scrunched up my face.
I cried and tossed and turned, trying to sleep.
But those mountains of guilt were far too steep.
I tried to go and told you no more often than not.
Sugar laced whispers were your only shot.
Like a starving child I reached out my hands.
Only to find two fistfulls of sand.
I let it slowly sift through my fingertips.
Watched it fall away as if it never did exist.
I stood up tall once more and looked out at the sea.
Raced toward the waves, leaving behind the shell who once was me.
I looked back once and saw you kneeling on the shore.
And I smiled because I did not fear you anymore.
Very good.
Nice shift in metaphors. I really like the concept of leaving the shell behind on the shore. It's excellent on it's own, but also connects well with the torn down bricks. In some sense, the experience led to a needed shedding, it could be.
One recommendation, if you will:
The antagonist "rushed in like a forceful wind", but then "crept in and stole me". Those two lines seem to fight against each other, as the harsh invasion of your existence by the perpetrator suddenly turns into a subtle robbery. Would "swept in and stole me" be better?
Thank you very much for your
Thank you very much for your compliments and for the insight as well.
The reason I worded it that way at least in my head was because this person appeared into my life out of nowhere without any previous connections to me and then they slowly and skillfully, almost as if with direct intention invaded my personal space. It seemed to me as if this person came into my life at a time when I was very vulnerable and immature. So to me this person being quite a bit older than I and more versed in social and romantic cues it very much felt like he was forceful and creeping at the very same time. I will think on what you have said though and read my poem a few more times. I did not realize that it would come across strange.
Thank you again!
I wish you well.