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Written almost a year after I looked into your eyes for the first time
I don't remember what I saw
I don't remember the first time we spoke
Most would say that the moment a foundation is set
(because you only meet a person for the first time once)
you're supposed to remember
But I'm going to take a turn for opposites and choose tails instead of heads.
The little things matter.
Here's what I do remember:
The first time I confessed to you
something about me because you had just done the same.
201 closing shift, I think it may have rained.
The first time you told me you didn't succumb to networking norms because it has no purpose.
Disappointment, yes.
Reminder of what friendships used to be before requests, much more yes.
Our lingering moments in the shelves,
digressions of the nonsensical shards of pain life had rained on us.
Notice how it always seems to rain.
That's how we'll know we're okay.
Our beings survive every time.
The first time we talked about going in
Man. Women.
Not a moment too soon, no hesitation.
We knew.
Every time I made you laugh,
the first time I snorted,
the way Big Brother must have seen us in the shelves
and thought our brains were distorted.
Little do they know...
But we're more sane than any living part of nature
Our senses are accute
Our eyes on radar
Our hearts, deeply wounded
Covered in patches that need occasional changing
Because people like us see the world for what it really is
A mission.
Gather your followers.
Get rid of the strays.
Keep the few and live.
Live.
Breathe.
You're still here.
Grounded.
The first time we told our stories.
The way you listened and I knew you knew because even when I didn't know you, I knew you, but now not yet then.
Talk.
We rediscovered the beauty of speech.
I say I admire because in my mind you conspire with my emotions.
The voice of honesty.
The voice of reason.
Daily prescriptions.
Personal stash of self-help books
free of charge.
A bond is what is sent to you when you've overcome your battles
But the battle never ends because you live it in your head
So, before we know what's happening,
before we can understand,
we're assigned to each other
Glued, unremovable, roots to a tree
Before you can even stop and question
You have yourself another chance
But if I'm being honest,
I didn't see then what I see today.
A year ago I didn't know what I was trying to get to
A year ago I didn't realize how much more healing my deeply burdened soul needed
A year ago I was questioning every possibility
from here to world's end
I admire because you're unreachable to many,
but you let me grab on.
A year ago you let me stay
And I've never felt more okay.
