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The Pretender
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1995 Hey, picture this out
You held someone's hand again
You'd fool this one too I bet
Then leave the world down
In one special night
You danced together
As time passed you by
Everything's cheaper
I bet you two were happy
Till you committed bad sins
Your words were all uncouth
Putting everything down
You'd never notice them but
Everything changed
All things turned grey
They all left you with disgust
Hey!
I really liked this.
I feel like it was missing the end though, four more lines, but maybe that is just me.
"I bet you two were happy
Till you committed bad sins"
I always say "Make good choices!"
Xp
Lovely write. ^-^
"We are, Each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another." -Luciano De Crescenzo
I'm thinking about this as
I'm thinking about this as the last four lines:
You look out from your window
You're sitting and you've grown old
You ask yourself why things ended
You wish you never pretended
Hm.
I like that as well,
but the way it ended is still kind of abrupt.
Maybe four more after that?
All in all I love it.
(^-^)<3
"We are, Each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another." -Luciano De Crescenzo
I agree, it lacks an ending.
I agree, it lacks an ending. This is the first poem that I just completely imagined. Maybe that's why it's not so good ^_^
Do you have suggestions for the ending?
Nice & Real
That says it all - some women are all that - love the POV - a third person - fabulous concept, the images are pristine and raw simultaneously. You write well, ego-up, you deserve it for this one~~Lady A ~~
Well, thank you. I'm
Well, thank you. I'm flattered :)