An Inch and a Half
The love letter comes
A poem written in request
"Write me a poem," beguilingly
she asks.
She wants to be there
in the mind of her
love, rhyming in rhythm,
the cadence of love, on his
tongue, on his cortex.
Its short and its sweet
of the earth bound roots
of a woman's soul and
her mountains
that he climbed, and sighed. But,
she thinks the thought
of many before, "What more
won’t he say," what is it
she won’t see,
in that inch and a half
beyond
the last line.
Author's Notes/Comments:
We should all be reading an inch and a half beyond the last line. I hesitate to explain because to me its obvious, but I think no, I have a different agenda. I asked for a poem. I wanted a love poem. I got a beautiful, sensual poem of my earthy appeal, short about an inch and a half. It was our relationship, hungry and satisfying, but the obvious part, I wanted more, more of love. Here's the less obvious part. I fear the invisible lines would have veted out the fact there is no love, but sex and companionship. There is love, but no "in love." The stuff that poets write and sonnets are filled with, Sigh.
maintenance changing a line from
sighed. But,
she thinks the thought
of many before, "What more
would he say," what is it
she would see,
I Read This Out Loud
Nice cadence, great construct of dialog. Just enough direct address in quotes. Vocab and syntax choice is sweet -beguilingly she asks- and -on his cortex- and -roots in a woman's soul-. A great opening and at end a finesse summary. Nice write, real nice read ~allets~
Thank you
Wow nice critque what I kind of look for here. Help me improve.
Did you get a chance to reread what was orginally An Inch and a Half Notes. You commented with a great poem. I completely reworked it and gave it a different name. What Do You Mean?
If you have time I'd love your read on that one as well.
Thanks again
Debbie