A year ago, I changed.
No wait! I didn't change
my family life did.
I lost my step father to alcohol.
I lost my mother to a church.
I lost my sense of who I was.
The person I loved
witnessed these changes
but could not comprehend
what had actually happened.
So this is a note to you.
First, I finally heard that song
the one called "Fuck you"
about how I hurt you.
And boy do I know I did.
But, there is a lot of things
you never noticed.
It's not for you to understand now,
but I want you to know that
Second, I never stopped loving you.
"BUT WHY?! Why did you do it?"
This is the part you couldn't,
and dont ever have to
understand, but
I was scared.
Not of you of course.
You, my love, were my only
sense of security.
But, I was loosing everything else.
Everything in my life changed
in one single instant
and to tell you the truth
I was afraid you would change too.
But instead,
I changed for my mother.
I became the person
she though I was to be.
And because of her,
I lost the only thing
that kept me sane.
Baby, I know I broke you,
because I was broken too.
For months, I pretended to love a guy
while imagining he was you.
Let's not count the numerous times
I accidently calld him your name,
or the times I cried because I needed you.
Only to watch you
find other girls.
I made mistakes.
I ruined both of our lives
and I'm telling you now
because I am not scared anymore.
I know who I am
and what I want to be.
All I really want from life is
your arms around me,
kisses on my lips,
and to be your
forever and always.
Author's Notes/Comments:
I met a guy at a young age and we thought we had it all figured out. But ours lives were changing and things happened. We broke up for a year and a half, after dating for a long time. That year or so went by and both of us changed drastically. We are back together now, but I can't forgive myself for what I did to him. So this is my sort of "please forgive me" note to him. Because I could not be so in love with someone. I thought I had love figured out, and then I met him. And boy now I realise, I will never figure out what love is. But whatever it is, I love this man. I'm so glad he loves me too. <3
P.S. Love always wins!